Here's my first 'ku, I hope it's alright.

Old folks got real big,
Shrunk and walked away from me,
No more drugs today.

Did I do the syllables right? :)

Beautiful, Heather! :)
Hey Chris, would psycho cat be
Pixel or Callie?

And I'd like to know
What kind of drugs you gave it?
AAPA case? :P

Kitty says, "Whazzzaaap?"
Nobody told him that fad
Was over, poor thing.

House was left intact
In Kobe earthquake, t'was the
Residents who "flipped"

Now see, her milkshake
Brings all the boys to the yard.
Please don't teach me, though.

I can't help thinking
That car was crafted by the
Amish car dealers.

Oh that's disgusting
The brunette Olsen twin seems
A bit corpulent

You'd think that her fame
Would inspire her to keep up
Her petite figure

(I'll go to Hell now:
MK's anorexic; I
Openly mock her)

Here's what I don't get:
How can you tell which one is
the skinny Olsen?

Fraulein stole my ku!
Bad jokes about picking out
the skinny Olsen.

Shaq visits the beach
Residents are left to move
his giant foot spray (not pictured).

I was going to ask
which Olsen twin's the fat one
but its obvious.

Here we see pictured
inspiration for the old
tune Cat Scratch Fever.

You know what they say
bout men and their shoe sizes.
Makes John Holmes look wee.

Is this the lady
From last week whose vagina
could inhale? What next?

Cat is a gremlin
Please don't add any water
One of them is bad.

That is amazing
I think that her water broke
or tampon blew up!

Back to the future
Have you seen Doc and Einstien?
Play Johnny Be Good!

nancy regans new
just say no to sex campaign
gets blown wide open!

Footprints in the sand
Jesus must have some big feet
I love that poem.

Is it so wrong that
I am in Haiku Smackdown
from the hospital??

Nope, no baby yet.
Petosin was just given.
hurry up and wait :-)

Would someone please check
For a witch under that house
Sincerely, Toto.

Lee I am jealous
Does she look like girl in pic?
Please don't answer that!

Ashley is rebel.
Doesn’t care that toe polish
drives up scale number.

Want a piece of me?
Kitty say let's throw down yo!
So let's get it on!

A Delorean
Just a little bit rusty
Check the trunk for coke!

Wow the wolf meant it
He huffed and puffed and blew the
house right over, yo!

One Olsen in flat
The other Olsen is too
Boob Job in future?

Water Olympics
A new event comes to life
The Orgasma Spray!

Okay now this car
Has the word lemon written
All over the place

Architectural
style of Korean store is
extremely unique

I did not realize
Anti-gravity boots were
All the rage in Seoul.

I've heard about girls
like her, aiming in some porn
supposedly cool

Alright, who's the wise
guy, put 'em up, put 'em up
I'll give ya a fight

Ever have that not
So fresh feeling? This girl, does
not have that problem

Welcome to the isle
of Lilliput, please watch where
you are stepping, yo.

Damn, all the money
I spend on their closes for Goose.
GO BUY A BURGER!

I'm such a loser
I couldn't remember how
to spell Lilliput

Knew I shouldn't have
supersized that Diet Coke®--
Gotta let it loose.

Demented feline
puts up her wee grey dukes, but
there are no takers.

Cat is model for
Shrek’s Puss in boots. Illustrates
Jujitsu technique.

Cedar DeLorean
is well-crafted response to
noisome Hummer ad.

Doc! Help! Something has
Gone horridly wrong with the
Flux Capacitor!

oh damn. I knew it.
Contractors moving my house
are total fuckwits.

I had thought about
making a diagram, yo:
This Side UP, dumbass!

The words the girls are
Standing on tell you which has
Eating Disorder.

Would love to ‘ku more
but have date with husband,
first one in a while.

Lee, hope wife’s labor
is short, and new baby is
healthy. Congrats, yo.

Well, I for one am
Glad they caught that elusive
Rare Kangakitten.

Mary-Kate Olsen
wanted so badly to be
Karen Carpenter

Now Ashley is stuck
modeling for "Hot Fountains
mag.: girls of the geyzer"

Dorothy's first attempt
At flying a house was not
Very successful.

Archeologists
uncover prehistoric
Lambroghini. Yo

hospital visit
is awesome! Nurse Helen wants
to play smackdown yo

Women everywhere
have a new spokeswoman for
the anti wet spot

I can see it now
"I really need to push now"
Hang on we're 'kuing

Here is a baby
photograph of Bloom County's
Bill the Cat, Achthppplblblblb Yo.

Moviegoers prepare
for new Fluffy Lee movie:
"Enter the Kitten".

Do Bill the Cat Sounds
Count as one syllable or
as two syllables?

My wife says her feet
are just a little swollen.
Here's her footprint, yo!

You know what they say,
about guys with big footprints..
they dwarf "normal" guys.

The big bad wolf could
Blow that smokin' car down in
Just one huff and puff.

Girl with fountain is
an oxyclean-aholic
loves that fresh feeling

"Annie Sprinkle has
got nothing on me!" says blonde.
"I'm Annie GUSHER."

One pair of footprints
Where God CARRIED YOU along.
Inspirational!

God is freaking huge.
Good thing he carried you and
didn't step on you.

Lee's baby girl is
coming...the first child of
Smackdown. Name her Ku!

There's a pair of striped
stockings sticking out from that
house. Poor Courtney Love.

That last 'ku made no
sense. I've had so much coffee
I look like that cat.

If I hold my breath
until the shutter clicks, will
I appear thinner?

Mary-Kate Olsen:
It's time to open your mouth
and put food in it.

That's one wigged out cat
Perhaps he's an attack cat
protecting our homes.

Blonde lady thinking
my irritated coochie
sure feels better now.

have a fence to build
wish it was already done
home owner I am

Can you tell I am new at this -- I didn't even see the pictures LOL my bad.

Here's to Lee & Wife
Planning to have a baby
on a Haiku day.

Blessings on you guys
no complications and a
healthy little girl!

And next to no pain!
A quick, healthy labour and
happiness always.

If I were Woodchuck,
a cedar delorian
would be my dream car.

LOUP, there are some rules
Follow them and you will make
a great haikuer.

What did we decide
about that weird guy who 'ku-ed
decidedly wrong?

Not the sonnet guy
but the one with the weird blog
Man-child, kid, challenged?

Some thought genius
but I thought not; we did scare
him off of haiku.

Only in Japan
a house with a purple roof
in bland neighborhood.

What do they do there?
You think it's a restaurant?
Serves upside-down cake.

nother try at ku
look at pix is the big rule
what a freaky cat

A woodchipper made
Great Scott! A DeLorean?
Nice going, McFly

MK's my homie
together we rock and roll
without me she'd puke

Dude, a spoiler
on a wooden car? And ground
effects? That's soooo rice.

Might need to explain
that one. Here's this week's Urban
Dictionary link.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rice&defid=85955

The roof! The roof! The
roof is on fire! Oh, no, wait,
it's just on the lawn.

Lured here by Miss Zoot
Giants, gushers, skinny twins:
Now scarred for life. Thanks!

Quiznos and Subway
look-- ToGos new ad defines
"How big's a 'foot long'?"

Only two footprints
After "carrying" guy he's all,
"You're on your OWN, bitch!"

My desk disheveled
by some crazy unknown chick
on janitor team.

It's almost as though
I've been violated, yo.
the desk is sacred.

cynicalwoman's
roof 'ku just made me pee a
little. But not gush.

(So sorry. Ew.)

Now that they're eighteen
do they really have to dress
identically?

Shiz, trust me, I've worse
Remember, I live with mom
Nothing is sacred

Hey M-K & A!
We already get it, girls,
we KNOW you are twins.

No liv-ie with mom
It would take more fortitude
than I have right now.

Poor little pussy.
I guess that could apply to
two of the pictures.

The kitty-cat's scared
he thinks you're going to hurt him
he's from broken home.

I knew a psycho
kitty-cat who would cuddle
and purr while hissing.

Dude shows up for work
Parks motorcycle same spot
Enters through chimney

No live with mom too
It would take more ALCOHOL
than I have right now

Blonde woman on the grass
Approached by Massengil to
Sell new reverse douche.

She'd cuddle right up
purr and then start growling
much like Mary-Kate.

Kung fu kitty cat
Oughta put the smackdown on
skinny twins. Hi-ya!

Damn! First line ran long:
Cataloging French drama
Means that I can't count.

I have to pee now
much like the geyser-woman
I've got to go bad.

It reminds me that
I could make a reference
to water breaking.

Cynicalwoman
My friend and co-worker, yo
Not good at math though.

what is that foul taste?
kitty has sand in his teeth
from licking huge toes.

Car made of wood for
Back to the Future Part III
Looks so authentic!

If that house falls on
the Olsen twins, John Stamos
goes back to Kansas

What started out as
a tinkle went just too far
She's embarrassed now

Reading Ku about
Pussies has a different
meaning in labor

blonde on a golf course
this, a reward on 18
for a hole in one.

Swimsuit model Jane
finally earns the title
of Miss Old Faithful.

Twin telepathy:
"Ash, this dress makes me look fat!"
"Shut up Mary-Kate"

"They're staring again..."
"Keep smiling, you can throw up
later!" "Oh, you're right!"

Gray fiesty cat says
"What? You want a piece of this?
Bring it on, suckah!"

This was just confirmed:
the blade that sliced the house was
Hattori Hanzo

Kung fu kitty has
Abnormally long tongue. Bet
Popular with chicks.

So The Olsen Twins
Pose for just one last picture
Before lunch of air

Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne
Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Jayne
You need to go vote!!

We have a big meal
of absolutely nothing
to eat now... bye, yo!

Gil at the crime scene:
“I found a footprint Warrick!”
..case was never solved

How embarrassing
it must be for the blond one
to be the fat twin

”Michael, Michael, Help!
The wood worms are eating me!”
No bleep bleep for Kit

Grey cat or Gush girl?
which pussy is scarier?
I just can't decide.

Gush Girl has got one
Hell-of-a Christmas card
"Merry Christmas Y'All!"

I've said it before:
STOP DRESSING THE FUCKING SAME
Little Miss Olsens.

The grey kitty-cat
thinks the camera is bad
and wants to hurt him.

So he'll kick some ass.
Or it is a she-kitty
with cat PMS.

squint and you can see,
botoxed and made up, "twins" are
E.T and Yoda

Ashley, tell us please
Why you never look happy
but all fake instead.

Mary-Kate, you too
have your souls been sucked out by
Hollywood's machine?

(Ashley secretly
wants to be the geyser girl;
Agent won't let her.)

(And Mary-Kate, y'all
wants to eat up Manhattan,
can't remember how.)

Okay it's pool time!
How many marriages will
each Olsen girl have?

AND, in which year will
one be in a film without
the other O-twin?

I'm getting mean here
but I HATED the Olsens
on their show "Full House."

Did not think them cute
Merely producer's puppets
And still puppets now.

Is it a crime that
I think they should be happy
and do what they want?

I say Mary-Kate
will have fewer marriages
than sister Ashley.

MK will have one;
maybe two; but sister Ash
will have three of them.

I think that Ashley
could be one hald of the next
"Bennifer" duo.

Although poor Ashley
could never have an ass like
that of the J-Lo.

Big 'ol footprints are
far more intriguing than
giant crop circles.

I wonder if cat
is always psycho, or if
it was just a phase.

Everyone is gone
but Shiz keeps on 'ku-ing 'coz
somebody has to.

Twins set new record
youngest subjects of E! true
Hollywood story.

Drew Barrymoore's pissed.
She also holds the record
for most young weddings.

International
House of Shitty Construction;
Come right on in, yo.

Reminds me of line:
"Somebody got creamated,
Larry." Diane K.

said this in the film:
Manhattan Murder Myster-
y; an Allen film.

Mom? Do you ever
Get that extra-fresh feeling?
No? It's just me, then?

That last 'ku sucked, yo.
do I do haiku pennance
for that or something?

Woman in red top
poses but doesn't know that
she'll be Photoshopped.

Yeah, you should feel less
manly. No, not your feet; that
ugly-ass outfit.

Looking at that car?
with super sexy spoiler?
Kinda gives me wood...

House of purple roof
is a Korean castle
where weird people live.

Jenna Jameson
Your name calls to me when I
see water gushing

Underdog would be
scared of the "Kung fu Kittie"
I just know he would

Do you think that the
twins would have starred on full house
if they were this thin?

One of my readers
works across the street! We're off
to have lunch right now!

If I do not come
back and 'ku by two o'clock,
call authorities.

Oh and Nurse Helen?
You are my new hero. If
I weren't done, I would

have more children just
so you could deliver them
on a Thursday. Word.

If I was going
to build a wood car, why a
DeLorean, yo

Guy with big foot prints
Has very resentful kids
Hard to follow shoes

I just remembered
Mom's birthday is this weekend
Any gift ideas?

How about the cat?
what better present is there?
Maybe the Olsen's?

typing with one hand
makes the haiku very hard
i need a typist

I think the cat eats
much more any day of the week
than those Oslen twins

If got mom a cat
Step-dad would then have a cow
Not a good idea

As for the Olsens
They sound like a better gift
For my little bro.

i will play with pain
but without punctuation
can i get ruling?

Now you know why we
teachers love the summer months
It's our bathroom break!

Gushing girl is how
i feel whenever someone else
drives. No potty breaks!?

~~~~
am i doing this right?? :)

Yogi trolls the park
finds Old Faithful better than
pic-a-nick basket

What about Ranger?
Do I consider boo boo
the little grey cat?

When I haiku, yo,
turn into alter ego
who uses f-word.

Back from non-stalking
lunch. Amanda is way cool!
Will do again soon!

oh to be the guy
that gets to clean the fountain
V is victory

G's in his old form
master of "the step too far"
making us snort milk.

Hat's off to kitty
auditioning for a role
in musical "Cats."

It's written in the
contract: must keep long hair, though
it adds ten ounces.

did i cross the line?
i always seem to do that
it should be redrawn

The Delorian
gives new meaning to the term
Woody, yuk-yuk-yuk.

You redraw the line
Every time you haiku.
Genuine's the bomb.

Look! Jane's on her way!
Mary's water broke at last.
Push, Mary! Blog, Lee!

(Not an official
bulletin, folks, just a lame
'ku on the fountain.)

Mindy! How are ya!
Didn't see too much of you
last week at the 'ku.

Grey kitty's not mean
If you were there you'd know it's
only a hairball.

Last week was suckly.
No mood to 'ku once we saw
the mediator.

That fucking hairball
Where in the hell are my boots?
Are boots in fountain?

G man is the bomb
but blondie is explosive
i did not do that

Looks like Snoopy's house
the red baron must have won
someone call woodstock

Water retention
was the biggest hinderance
to blondie's weight loss.

Mindy's like the cat
witty, sharp & fierce, she hurts
the mediator.

jack and the bean stalk
the first time he sees footprint
he shits in his pants

Footprints in the sand?
When you saw only one set
I was dragging you.

This is a test, yo:
Which of Mary-Kate & Ash
is more vacuous?

I know I'm slipping:
haven't been pimping 'kus or
sentence smackdown much.

My apologies,
but it would not have been much
fun for those at home.

Homer Simpson wins
lottery; makes self into
the world's biggest man.

Oh Shiz, you got me
cackling again. God fucked me over
man. Sand in my shorts.

Geyser girl smiles
as a gift for posing here
she gets five dollars.

I'm going to hell
for that one. Hope the Devil
will carry me at least.

Think y'all are confused
Looks like a lamborghini
But what do I know?

Welcome home you all
to your million-dollar home.
What? You don't like it?

Kitty reenacts
A scene from the film, "The Bear."
Cat fantasy world.

Lord-induced wedgie
giving me celestial
pain in the toochus.

You should be in bed
not in the haiku smackdown
Cyn is in the house!

Lord? Little help here.
Yes, You're doing a favor
but man my ass chafes.

I think Scarlett is
right with the lamborghini
call - yea Scarlett, yo!

Pain meds and smackdown
Does life get any better?
Hell no, i thought not!

I'm glad Cyn joined us.
Amalah has said good things.
You crack her shit up.

Officemate notes the
limber qualities of the
'ku. Can do so much.

Little grey cat says
Look at my impression yo!
MK after lunch

There's NO WAY dear Cyn,
This is a DeLorean;
This Lamborghini.

Genuine, I'm so
happy to see you among
the 'kuing today!

Perhaps this is the
first plywood hybrid of both -
a Delorghini.

Ta Chris! Watch out now
Im just now getting warmed up
Lemmie rock your world!

Y'all have no idea
how much fun Cyn is. And, she's
coming to visit!

Yep, Mindy and Cyn,
on the loose in San Jose.
Lock up your husbands.

you do not have to
suck up to this master chris
but can i win twice?

I welcome rockage
especially in 'ku form.
Gimme your best shot!

I don't believe there
are any restrictions on
multiple wins, yo.

I don't know, Gen... can
you? *Pretends to be engrossed
in business email*

I'll lock you both up
then i'll throw away the key
all husbands are safe

Min & Cyn unite?
California may never
be the same again.

lttle pussy gags
MK!thought my upchuck gross
FUCK,what'd you eat,yo?

Mindy breaks out her
special rhetorical first
grade teacher powers :-)

Like to see you try.
I could take you down in a
single kitty swipe.

Mindy i'm at home
cannot work on kuing days
of course, you knew that

None of us work on
'kuing days. But most of us
act as though we are.

Tell it like it is,
Chris. Work? I'm sorry, work? Yo?
Dunno what that is.

I wonder how far
Lee & Mrs. Lee are in
ousting the baby.

Min & Cyn change names
now are Thelma & Louise
but no cliff jumpin

I wasn't happy
Not doing a 'ku for all
The lovely pictures!
___

Kitty owned pink house,
Mimes terror when girl's big wave
tipped it on its side.
___

Leaves at nine o'clock,
Bob drives to work with real bad
case of mornin' wood.
____

'Tis a shame when girls
Think that black is so slimming;
They will disappear!

If it weren't for lace,
They would shrink into darkness,
Only showing teeth.
____

I am done, hooray!
I can eat and sleep in peace,
Until next Thursday!

I ku with one hand
the other one in a sling
can't work but i ku

Come on, little one!
You've been in there waaay too long
Time to come out now.

You can slip-n-slide
all the way out, baby girl ...
NOW, or you're grounded.

I would ground my kid
for taking too long to come
outta there, ya know?

Genuine's injured?
first his pride and then his arm
when Shiz calls a girl.

Little Jayne is here
i think he is posting it
go to lee's later

Kitty's a skinny.
I bet he don't eat much more
than said Mary-Kate.

The part of the pic
that we can't see (of the "V")
is what scres hte Shiz.

Crap, just noticed I
rhymed unintentionally,
do I get kicked out?

I didn't mean to,
honest I did not, my friend,
please don't hurt me now. :)

Anything could be
"down there," ya know what I mean?
don't want to think it.

Debate on female
Ejaculation over!
Can you say "g-spot?"

Kitty's name is Spaz
He's protecting himself from
The big-foot God-man.

Green Giant travels
to California beaches
time to get away.

Baby Jayne is born!
So glad ballot stuffin workd
Congrats Lee & Wife!

Even with bulk-head
There isn't enough leg-room
On Green Giant's flight.

Should we sing a round
Of the Bare Naked Ladies'
song "Jane" for the fam?

One hour four-five
left in the Shiz' work day
how can she do it?

Rock-a-bye baby
Welcome to the world, precious.
We love the Jayne-ie

Kitty's Caterwaul
goes out to the new Jayne-girl;
be good to your folks.

Just posted on chat
with Lee from delivery
room! We are true geeks!

Her name is spelled "Jane."
And we've seen a pic, too! She
has her daddy's eyes.

Heading to OB
now to prove I did not die
from blood loss last week.

So glad to have lived.
Now hubby can bleed me dry
in the settlement.

Well then! Time to go
before I start in with the
bitter sarcasm!

i think we reached it
at least the sarcasm part
so ta ta for now

tut-tut sweet, bitter
dearlings. It is called "smackdown"
not "tea in the park"

I say ride that pissed-
off wave of sarcastic spleen
venting. Barf it up.

I am a dork, y'all
Stood next to guest of honour
and didn't know her.

Oh no he doesn't
Mindy mine. I'll tie and gag
his ass when we go!

He is a Vampire?
Must get garlic and the stake
Don't fuck with my pal

*puts on chaps, checks reins,
powders hands* NOW try and buck
me you pansy-assed wave!!!

surfing now mindy?
those chaps are a real turn on
but i spit the bit

Um, I was riding
that metaphorical wave,
not you, dear. Good grief.

hey a guy can dream
i was riding my own wave
speaking in those terms

Blondie had problem
with her bladder from childhood
No Depends thong style

If Mary Kate would
turn sideways, stick her tongue out
she'd be a zipper.

where do i put these?
all these cookies and money?
can i buy a win?

If Mindy gets bucked
do we all form a posse
kick the bucker's ass?

maybe i will host
i think i have the moxie
but does my site work?

Freaky cat be damned
Gushing chick freaking me out
Haiku virgin scared!

the cat drug him in
now buzz is a haiku dude
welcome to the show!

i hear black's slimming
but mary kate and sister
need to eat big macs

Genuine is cool
but maybe jumping the gun
Still intrepid Buzz

Ok. Very first time ever participating in this. Be gentle:

Mary Kate is thin
She doesn't eat enough food
Pity cause she's rich

always welcome you
serenity and the buzz
an audience yo!

Please don't tell my wife
I took the car back in time
Now it's made of wood.

Why don't you listen?
I said, "No ball in the house"
This is the result

Don't you think she knows
No one's looking at her face
So why does she turn?

He never listens
Make that face and it will stick
I warned you kitty

I have a question
Do you think my feet are big?
Please tell me the truth

Hey, Serenity's
got some chops! Hiiiii-yaaa! Welcome
to the jungle, yo.

Anyone else see
one twin touching her sister's
ass? "Yep, still bigger!"

Pine Delorian
selling powdered sugar from
sandwich baggies. Snap.

Blonde's hair is dyed--
she's not a fire hydrant
she's a fire crotch!

stupid wooden car
Christina Ferrare got
this from the divorce

is there a theme here?
wooden pussy hairball twins?
i cant figure it.

woah check this place out
i'm watching from the sidelines
amazed and IMPRESSED!

being good is tough,
the humor can't be slacking.
you guys walk the talk.

I can read the words
on the cool purple rooftop
It says haiku rocks

can someone translate
japanese on the pink roof?
bet on pussy ranch

It's obvious that
Gusher chick hooked up with the
Man with giant feet.

The car is nasty
From being pulled from a lake.
It was a bad night.

But the worst event
was the house. No comment yet
From Mr. Nolte.

Come on baby, Please!!!
I just need a little more
Catnip, please baby!

You know I'm good for
It. Just a little to tide
Me over. I'll quit

Tomorrow. Just this
One last fix and I'll be clean.
Help a kitten out!!!

Wow, I didn't know
That anybody ever
Went all out and got

The Delux All Wood
Panelling option. That is
One great car salesman.

How in the hell did
you get over two hundred
comments on your blog?

I have jet lag man
my brain is not in the mode
Creative vibe gone!

I have boats for feet
size eleven to boot yo
Big Foot has me beat
******************************
I would hate to be
the one that would have to walk
a mile in those shoes!!

No lubrication
needed with blonde chic oh my
Don't get her turned on!

Tyson kitty is
ready for the ring talking
smack, throwing punches.

The blonde could not wait
Because she had to go really bad
at a park she did

The big foot is from
my uncle Joey on the beach today
he forgot his shoes again

The cat looks like my
stray cat friend I named Buster
who likes to joke around

My mom stood on the
edge of the house today so it
fell on it's side

The Olsen twins are so
great since they are adults compared to
bad acting on Full House

The wooden sports car was
his only chance of having his dream
car for all to see

These pictures on Rudecactus
are the best I have ever seen
in a Thursday Haiku Smackdown

I'm sorry for playing this Thursday Smackdown on Friday. I fell asleep and forgot, but remembered when I got up to use the toilet and on the way I heard a smacking sound coming from my brothers bedroom, and I'm still hearing it. I wonder what he's doing?