July 22, 2004

Smacktastic!




Let the 'kuing begin. That's right - its Thursday and time for some smackdown action. Use the following as inspiration or be daring and go out on your own. You too could join the ranks of the grandmasters.





Posted by Chris at July 22, 2004 05:52 AM
Comments

Containing head lice
became top priority
at café cental.

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 06:06 AM

A life time of them
saying ‘you are a dick-head ’,
drove Eric to this…

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 06:23 AM

Chris should have know that
‘one last’ IKEA item
breaks more than your bank!

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 06:29 AM

Nadia had felt
aroused before but now, she
felt downright horny…

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 06:40 AM

Lifting heavy weights
all day long always gives Lee
a ‘crotch’ in his neck.

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 06:48 AM

What are they doing?
Pulling a tapeworm from our
fearless Mr Bush?

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 07:46 AM

Lonesome are the times
when I sit here at my desk
and 'ku all alone...

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 07:49 AM

Would someone BUZZ me
On IM when they get here...
'addemure' YO!

I must clean the house,
do laundry, pack for Scotland...
'kuing in between.

Posted by: Amber at July 22, 2004 08:02 AM

Get your free headphones
with the relaxing CD
“Sounds of the ocean”

Posted by: Sweety at July 22, 2004 08:16 AM

A rejected crown
for Queen Amidala: George
Lucas must be stopped.

Posted by: Amalah at July 22, 2004 08:20 AM

Black helmeted gal
Looks downright thrilled. She doesn't
Get out much, I guess.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 22, 2004 08:25 AM

What. The. Hell? Is he
Hexing us? Already done;
Seen your picture, thanks.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 22, 2004 08:27 AM

New, from Milan: Uh...
This shit on top of her head,
whatever it is.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 22, 2004 08:28 AM

It’s so sad you know,
it was supposed to be his
Best audition! * sigh *

But he didn’t get
to play Doctor Octopus
in Superman 2

Posted by: Sweety at July 22, 2004 08:33 AM

Girl finds moose on head
A bunch of other pictures
George Bush Blasts Off Yay!

Posted by: Mike at July 22, 2004 09:02 AM

Never in my life
Have I seen such weirdness I?
Need my coffee. NOW!

Posted by: Kymmie at July 22, 2004 09:24 AM

Hey dude, I really
don't think you can turn your car
into a woody.

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 09:27 AM

Classy patron thinks
"I was right! That waiter IS
a big dickhead". yo.

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 09:29 AM

Queen Melanoma
shows us that cancerous growths
can be sexy. NOT.

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 09:31 AM

Noooo, I'm an evil,
alien DJ - stand back!
meow-wow-fsst-fsst!

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 09:33 AM

Done eating, can't bring
myself to move. His headwear's
Mesmerizing me.

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 22, 2004 10:09 AM

Sushi Palace found
that customers didn't like
waiter's "condom tricks."

Paris model Kee
shows the very latest in
Klingon teen headgear.

Posted by: Coleen at July 22, 2004 10:12 AM

Poor George Bush.
Once a President, now just
a Porta-Potty.

Posted by: Coleen at July 22, 2004 10:13 AM

"Shut UP, Amy. This
is what all the cool kids wear
to the Elk Lodge dance."

Posted by: Coleen at July 22, 2004 10:14 AM

Dammit, Betty Sue!
I done TOLE not to eat
them cookies. We lost!

Posted by: Dawnie at July 22, 2004 10:40 AM

Restaurant patron
rethinks what could have been in
his spicy mustard.

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 11:03 AM

William Chung markets
his new line of products "she
bangs" hat and tonic.

Posted by: Lee at July 22, 2004 11:07 AM

Lackluster 'kuage
today...has the Smackdown run
its course? Jumped the shark?

Posted by: Amalah at July 22, 2004 11:32 AM

Amalah you jest!
Masters must be proactive.
We are like Jedi!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 11:37 AM

She was a trophy
but she would not hang on wall
she's out of season.

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 11:47 AM

Life of the party
is the name of the sculpture
His head's a lampshade!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 11:53 AM

there once was a girl
from nantucket, with horns on
her head ... oh *@#$ it.

Posted by: tj at July 22, 2004 11:53 AM

can we all be here ...
jumping, driving, and pointing?
yes, but do not sit.

Posted by: tj at July 22, 2004 11:54 AM

if it is to be
it is up to me. then why
is my ass so big?

Posted by: tj at July 22, 2004 11:55 AM

It's Octopussy!
I am putting a hex on
all superheroes.

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 11:58 AM

In society
he's the boy in the bubble
let's all pray for him.

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 12:00 PM

Amy frets too much.
People earning money and
can't 'ku just right now.

By the way? I am
TOTALLY wearing those horns
to our Sunday brunch.

Posted by: Coleen at July 22, 2004 12:05 PM

Poor Howie Mandel...
Had no idea he had to
become a waiter

Posted by: Dawn at July 22, 2004 12:09 PM

I keep thinking jokes!
Black White and read all over
Men snatching a bride!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 12:10 PM

Can we come to brunch?
I will wear green tentacles.
Lee will wear condom.

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 12:13 PM

Perhaps renting truck
would have been a better choice?
What a fucking douche.

Posted by: Dawn at July 22, 2004 12:13 PM

India has gone
too far in its attempts to
make women horny

Posted by: Dawn at July 22, 2004 12:17 PM

A perfect love match.
Girl in punani hat and
guy in jimmie hat.

Posted by: GranolaSpice at July 22, 2004 12:31 PM

Man with microphone
and inexplicable hat,
has face for radio

Posted by: GranolaSpice at July 22, 2004 12:35 PM

To prevent the spread
of stupidity, bad hair,
please wear head condom.

Posted by: Amalah at July 22, 2004 01:19 PM

Make fun of my snake
hat and I will poke your eyes
out, silly person!

Posted by: amalah at July 22, 2004 01:20 PM

Lady in front seat pouts
because plywood was for her
brand new screened-in roof.

Posted by: amalah at July 22, 2004 01:22 PM

George Bush on a lamp-
shade is funny because he
just isn't that bright.

Posted by: amalah at July 22, 2004 01:24 PM

Do I come here to
Look at the pictures or to
Read Genuine stuff?

I'll bet the car guy
Didn't get out of Walmart
Under a hundred!

I am the green man
I am the green man and I
Am a total dub!

Horney girl and the
Condom man need rent a
room together, yes?

Posted by: Randi at July 22, 2004 02:00 PM

I've got nothing to
Say about any of these.
Bring back Courtney Love.

Posted by: W. at July 22, 2004 02:18 PM

Newlywed Races
The number 1 rated show!
Season finale!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 02:25 PM

He thought he saw an
accident and then got caught
rubber necking, yo.

Posted by: bmh at July 22, 2004 02:49 PM

Dude with the rubber
and a large cerebellum--
Think he's head waiter?

Posted by: bmh at July 22, 2004 02:50 PM

They have uncovered
weapons of mass destruction
but they found it here!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 03:15 PM

such a pretty drink
sadly, not enough booze to
make me fuck your head

Posted by: demery at July 22, 2004 03:16 PM

five little pictures
how your tiny size mocks me
where are my contacts

Posted by: HG at July 22, 2004 03:25 PM

my first smackdown finds
me at a loss for words yet
i post undeterred

Posted by: samantha at July 22, 2004 03:32 PM

Yohji Y got high
made a hat out of horns for
Isabella Blow

Posted by: samantha at July 22, 2004 03:36 PM

I'm late! I'm late! For
a very important date:
The Haiku Smackdown.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:36 PM

Should have stayed in school
Harvard was not as bad as
serving condom drinks.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:39 PM

Shrimp-head thinks she's hot
Surprised when no one ask her
for her shell number.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:42 PM

Yay for Samantha!
For she posts kus-a-plenty
Though the pics are weird.

Perhaps we could ku
About nasty cup holders
In Smack Host's Auto?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:45 PM

Am I a baddy?
Or do "daring" and "Go out
on your own" mean naught?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:47 PM

Haven't read the kus.
Did Genuine post about
tampons again, yo?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:48 PM

We should give credit.
At least he's not afraid of
the dreaded "t" word.

It takes a real man
to be unaffected by
menstruaton stuff.

He's cool but also
He can make jokes about it
Very cool of Gen.

(Even though the 'ku
about the super-fleeced sheep
was over the top.)

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:52 PM

Perhaps the sheep saw
our Haiku Smackdown that week
and thought "Don't go there"?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 03:54 PM

GWB
The new Tampon Dispenser
I had to do that!

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 04:00 PM

Hickster science guy
builds a robot because he
likes the George so much.

It is his tribute
To his fave post-Nixon pres:
Lampshade-Headed Bush.

It symbolizes
Bushie and his great "Ideers"
A tribute of sorts.

His previous 'bots
include ass-shaped Clinton Bot
which Georgie bot kicks.

He is employed by
Wal-Mart to make their special
Robot Greeter bots.

Loves Republicans
except in the People's Re-
public of China

It's American
republicans that he loves,
Honours them with 'bots.

And on the first day
Of the movie, "I, Robot"
He'll be first in line.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:04 PM

I will admit words
"Tampon," "Bush," go together
like flies to honey.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:07 PM

I bet the real G
cannot even think the word
without heebie jeebs.

We let him bomb stuff
but the thought of a tampon
wigs the poor guy out.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:09 PM

I bet that Laura
handled the birds and the bees
or else no one did

That may explain why
the twinnies are such nice girls
pure as wind driv'n snow.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:11 PM

Man with weird snake hat
Begs joke about 'ol one eye
going to doctor.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:13 PM

Amy thinks: shark? Jumped.
Not so. But there was this girl
had an elk run-in.

Posted by: bmh at July 22, 2004 04:13 PM

It looks like the George-bot
has toilet paper hanging
from his robot ass.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:14 PM

Mutant elk, no doubt.
What will the children look like?
at least they'll be loved.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:15 PM

Tampon! Tampon! Pad!
Pad! Pad! Tampon! Tampon! Pad!
Tampon! Pad! Tampon!

Man, it sure feels GOOD
To get that ALL out of my
system. Tampon! Whoops!

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:17 PM

That could be the girls'
bitchin' version of morse code.
Ha, ha, bitchin' code.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:19 PM

can't believe dad keeps
posting pics of himself in
his green penis hat

Posted by: Dawn at July 22, 2004 04:25 PM

Poor Dawn, that's your dad?
Awkward and embarrassing
growing up with him?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:38 PM

I must say Shrimp gal
is looking a bit sluggish
sad: pun intended.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:39 PM

When there was only
one set of footprints it was
when I carried you.

Sure, it was against
your will, but since when has that
part of the poem?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:43 PM

Correction:

When there was only
one set of footprints it was
when I carried you.

Sure, it was against
your will, but since when was that
part of the poem?

New:

Hey Diddle Diddle,
the Bush-man is a robot
that would explain things.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:46 PM

Look ma! With all this
Lumber we can finally
Build us that garage!

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:51 PM

Patron stares at the
condom-man and wishes that
he'd thought of it first.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:54 PM

Will Bush be ready?
Ready, yo, for take-off soon?
I'd like to see that.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:56 PM

Bot has USA
flag pasted on his back, but
Texas flag on front.

Perhaps another?
Are there confederate flags
or is that too far?

Canadian girl
she don't know if that's too far;
so please don't shoot her.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 04:59 PM

shiz has gone 'ku wild
i think she's speaking ja-pan-
weezy is gone, sob!

Posted by: samantha at July 22, 2004 05:02 PM

The shrimp girl grosses
the Canadian girl out
she's too weird, you all!

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 05:03 PM

I hope the condom
wasn't a lubricated;
that's way too messy.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 05:04 PM

Sadly, Penis-hat
thinks that he is super-cool
Yo, you ain't cool, dude.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 05:05 PM

Hub went to trade show
saw product called the flasher
bad name for blink light.

Also saw an act
Guy named Stiffy the Robot
It's too dumb for words.

Snake/Penis hat man
fits in the category
too dumb to know cool.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 05:09 PM

Guys carrying girls
across a field of sand, right?
Then why the helmets?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 05:10 PM

The customer says
"I'll have what he is having".
It's called safe drinking

Posted by: Genuine at July 22, 2004 05:20 PM

Rock on, Genuine!
Although it kind of looks like
Patron is confused.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:13 PM

Maybe he's looking
at the girl not in the pic
wearing diaphragm.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:15 PM

Look at the very
Top of the shrimp girl photo
Could be two coneheads.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:16 PM

And to top it off,
They threw in all this lumber
at no extra cost!

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:18 PM

red car, sadly bent
stalky eyes will stalk my dreams
but george taunts by day

Posted by: Sue at July 22, 2004 06:21 PM

Lumber guy thinking
about the cash settlement
he wants from all this.

Doesn't realize
that a family auto
cannot hold a house.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:23 PM

I'm glad we've moved from
super-scary to the
super surreal.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:24 PM

At the dental show
The orthodontists unveil
New headgear style.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:25 PM

There appears to be
a can of gasoline by
Our "I, Robot" Prez.

Is hillbilly man
really a terrorist, yo?
or mad scientist?

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:31 PM

Thieves stealing plywood
chose the wrong getaway car
Steal *diamonds*, dumbass.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:37 PM

Remembered this week!
Yes, I love to write haikus
but they're always too...

Posted by: Si at July 22, 2004 06:39 PM

Is that a condom?
No sir, you are mistaken
it is life-support.

Posted by: Si at July 22, 2004 06:40 PM

Holy Moses, dudes.
Have I done half the haikus?
Where is everyone?

Now that I'm this far
Might as well keep on going
À la Forrest Gump.

"And when I reached an-
-other ocean, I thought, well,
I've come this far, yo.

"So I just turned a-
-round, and kept on going, yo"
That's the Gump we know.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:42 PM

Girl with the "swirl" hat?
Working for Red Lobster, babes,
Gets paid in tuna.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:44 PM

I am Cosmonaut!
Dah, in Soviet Russia
Rocket ignites you.

Posted by: Si at July 22, 2004 06:44 PM

Green penis-head man?
Worst promo photo ever
Says Madison Ave.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:45 PM

Girls afraid to walk
across the sand have one more
thing to fear: pavement.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:46 PM

The car photograph
Looks like Kansas City pic
It could SO be it.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:47 PM

Striped man in foreground
One sock is up, one sock down
SOOO fashion forward.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:48 PM

Is it possible
To buy dumbass insurance?
Car guys could use it.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:50 PM

Slow day for haiku
Everyone's getting sloshed
While two of us work.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 06:51 PM

surreal or scary
most 'ku posts point to one thing:
shiz has whoop'd some ass

Posted by: Sue at July 22, 2004 06:51 PM

looked out my window
the only thing getting sloshed
are the dumb pigeons

it's raining and
there's lightning and loud thunder
forgot umbrella

Posted by: Sue at July 22, 2004 07:04 PM

Half an hour left
Probably won't ku tonight
Need to re-vamp 'ku?

Maybe we could vote
For the nastiest 'ku-er,
best single 'ku, yo.

Pic different cats
every week for us all
all 'ku-ers vote, yo.

But he JLB
Still would pick the Grandmaster
votes like People's Choice.

For this week, I would
send my props to Dawn for the
Howie Mandel 'ku.

Some of these are fun.
lots of good humor in the
haikus of today.

Forgive the rambler
Don't know what I'm talking 'bout
delusional 'ku.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:05 PM

Shiz only "whipped ass"
Because a) she is bored, and
b) turnout is small.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:07 PM

I once did a 'ku
With haiku "stanzas"
I 'ku when inspir'd

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:08 PM

I once did a 'ku
With fifty haiku "stanzas"
I 'ku when inspir'd

Sue, where you be, girl?
Here it is sun, sun, sunny
and thirty degrees.

If you ain metric
Thirty is Eighty-six, yo.
Time to be roastin'

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:11 PM

Chris didn't haiku?
He's hosting without posting?
I cannot find one.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:16 PM

Glad a certain boy
Who tends to not haiku right
Chose to stay away.

The r-child, who
is probably quite able
but playing a part.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:18 PM

Dinner patron thinks
"After what I've seen tonight
there's no way I'll tip."

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 07:19 PM

I'm in the slightly
hot and humid, capital
of the U S A

Right now, it's pouring
and it is, dark, dark, dark
might even be hail

Posted by: Sue at July 22, 2004 07:22 PM

I'm in the slightly
hot and humid, capital
of the U S A

Right now, it's pouring
and it's very, dark, dark, dark
might even be hail

Posted by: Sue at July 22, 2004 07:25 PM

Yo, Dr. Suess's
daughter his inspiration
for books characters.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 07:39 PM

Dude! Most people just
use duct tape to patch up those
broken car windows.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 07:40 PM

Hal's allgergies to
flowers meant snickers among
the other waiters.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 07:46 PM

I am George, the great!
Pay no attention to that
man behind the screen!

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 07:48 PM

Kids fighting in tub,
will be back to ku after
jammies and night night.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 07:49 PM

Though unusual to see
gnuilk in it's habitat
Joe took careful aim.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 08:45 PM

Bob wanted to add
a garage onto his house.
Now no need for one.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 08:46 PM

Damn forgot to comb
my hair. Well I'll just wear this,
no one will notice.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 08:50 PM

Not getting any
tips tonight, maybe I should
get this mole checked out.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 08:54 PM

what are you staring
at pal? Ain't you ever seen
a head condom, bitch?

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 08:56 PM

Vinnie liked the new
management. Not so much the
new uniforms, yo.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:00 PM

Jealousy is the
green eyed monster. Lucas
just green eyed loser.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:03 PM

After their release
from jail, the guys wanted to
pick up some bad girls.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:05 PM

Michael Moore's cousin
gets real scoop. Bush ain't nothin'
but plastic and wires.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:08 PM

The thing about high
fashion: so impractical
for every day wear.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:12 PM

Kuing all alone
guess i better go clean the
kitchen. Smackdown done.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 09:15 PM

Claustrophobia
is having your head inside
of a condom, dudes.

Posted by: Shiz at July 22, 2004 10:04 PM

just read blog at chez
miscarriage's
, so sad I
must ku to cheer up.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 10:38 PM

*sips wine* not working
now george's robot innards
and weird balloon head

just serve to remind
of malfunctioning womb, yo
it would be funny

if it weren't so sad.
so much struggle in living
our brief span of time.

Posted by: Sheryl at July 22, 2004 10:46 PM

I'm late for haiku
a bachelor party I was
like car, i got wood

Posted by: Jay at July 23, 2004 02:23 AM