Containing head lice
became top priority
at café cental.

A life time of them
saying ‘you are a dick-head ’,
drove Eric to this…

Chris should have know that
‘one last’ IKEA item
breaks more than your bank!

Nadia had felt
aroused before but now, she
felt downright horny…

Lifting heavy weights
all day long always gives Lee
a ‘crotch’ in his neck.

What are they doing?
Pulling a tapeworm from our
fearless Mr Bush?

Lonesome are the times
when I sit here at my desk
and 'ku all alone...

Would someone BUZZ me
On IM when they get here...
'addemure' YO!

I must clean the house,
do laundry, pack for Scotland...
'kuing in between.

Get your free headphones
with the relaxing CD
“Sounds of the ocean”

A rejected crown
for Queen Amidala: George
Lucas must be stopped.

Black helmeted gal
Looks downright thrilled. She doesn't
Get out much, I guess.

What. The. Hell? Is he
Hexing us? Already done;
Seen your picture, thanks.

New, from Milan: Uh...
This shit on top of her head,
whatever it is.

It’s so sad you know,
it was supposed to be his
Best audition! * sigh *

But he didn’t get
to play Doctor Octopus
in Superman 2

Girl finds moose on head
A bunch of other pictures
George Bush Blasts Off Yay!

Never in my life
Have I seen such weirdness I?
Need my coffee. NOW!

Hey dude, I really
don't think you can turn your car
into a woody.

Classy patron thinks
"I was right! That waiter IS
a big dickhead". yo.

Queen Melanoma
shows us that cancerous growths
can be sexy. NOT.

Noooo, I'm an evil,
alien DJ - stand back!
meow-wow-fsst-fsst!

Done eating, can't bring
myself to move. His headwear's
Mesmerizing me.

Sushi Palace found
that customers didn't like
waiter's "condom tricks."

Paris model Kee
shows the very latest in
Klingon teen headgear.

Poor George Bush.
Once a President, now just
a Porta-Potty.

"Shut UP, Amy. This
is what all the cool kids wear
to the Elk Lodge dance."

Dammit, Betty Sue!
I done TOLE not to eat
them cookies. We lost!

Restaurant patron
rethinks what could have been in
his spicy mustard.

William Chung markets
his new line of products "she
bangs" hat and tonic.

Lackluster 'kuage
today...has the Smackdown run
its course? Jumped the shark?

Amalah you jest!
Masters must be proactive.
We are like Jedi!

She was a trophy
but she would not hang on wall
she's out of season.

Life of the party
is the name of the sculpture
His head's a lampshade!

there once was a girl
from nantucket, with horns on
her head ... oh *@#$ it.

can we all be here ...
jumping, driving, and pointing?
yes, but do not sit.

if it is to be
it is up to me. then why
is my ass so big?

It's Octopussy!
I am putting a hex on
all superheroes.

In society
he's the boy in the bubble
let's all pray for him.

Amy frets too much.
People earning money and
can't 'ku just right now.

By the way? I am
TOTALLY wearing those horns
to our Sunday brunch.

Poor Howie Mandel...
Had no idea he had to
become a waiter

I keep thinking jokes!
Black White and read all over
Men snatching a bride!

Can we come to brunch?
I will wear green tentacles.
Lee will wear condom.

Perhaps renting truck
would have been a better choice?
What a fucking douche.

India has gone
too far in its attempts to
make women horny

A perfect love match.
Girl in punani hat and
guy in jimmie hat.

Man with microphone
and inexplicable hat,
has face for radio

To prevent the spread
of stupidity, bad hair,
please wear head condom.

Make fun of my snake
hat and I will poke your eyes
out, silly person!

Lady in front seat pouts
because plywood was for her
brand new screened-in roof.

George Bush on a lamp-
shade is funny because he
just isn't that bright.

Do I come here to
Look at the pictures or to
Read Genuine stuff?

I'll bet the car guy
Didn't get out of Walmart
Under a hundred!

I am the green man
I am the green man and I
Am a total dub!

Horney girl and the
Condom man need rent a
room together, yes?

I've got nothing to
Say about any of these.
Bring back Courtney Love.

Newlywed Races
The number 1 rated show!
Season finale!

He thought he saw an
accident and then got caught
rubber necking, yo.

Dude with the rubber
and a large cerebellum--
Think he's head waiter?

They have uncovered
weapons of mass destruction
but they found it here!

such a pretty drink
sadly, not enough booze to
make me fuck your head

five little pictures
how your tiny size mocks me
where are my contacts

my first smackdown finds
me at a loss for words yet
i post undeterred

Yohji Y got high
made a hat out of horns for
Isabella Blow

I'm late! I'm late! For
a very important date:
The Haiku Smackdown.

Should have stayed in school
Harvard was not as bad as
serving condom drinks.

Shrimp-head thinks she's hot
Surprised when no one ask her
for her shell number.

Yay for Samantha!
For she posts kus-a-plenty
Though the pics are weird.

Perhaps we could ku
About nasty cup holders
In Smack Host's Auto?

Am I a baddy?
Or do "daring" and "Go out
on your own" mean naught?

Haven't read the kus.
Did Genuine post about
tampons again, yo?

We should give credit.
At least he's not afraid of
the dreaded "t" word.

It takes a real man
to be unaffected by
menstruaton stuff.

He's cool but also
He can make jokes about it
Very cool of Gen.

(Even though the 'ku
about the super-fleeced sheep
was over the top.)

Perhaps the sheep saw
our Haiku Smackdown that week
and thought "Don't go there"?

GWB
The new Tampon Dispenser
I had to do that!

Hickster science guy
builds a robot because he
likes the George so much.

It is his tribute
To his fave post-Nixon pres:
Lampshade-Headed Bush.

It symbolizes
Bushie and his great "Ideers"
A tribute of sorts.

His previous 'bots
include ass-shaped Clinton Bot
which Georgie bot kicks.

He is employed by
Wal-Mart to make their special
Robot Greeter bots.

Loves Republicans
except in the People's Re-
public of China

It's American
republicans that he loves,
Honours them with 'bots.

And on the first day
Of the movie, "I, Robot"
He'll be first in line.

I will admit words
"Tampon," "Bush," go together
like flies to honey.

I bet the real G
cannot even think the word
without heebie jeebs.

We let him bomb stuff
but the thought of a tampon
wigs the poor guy out.

I bet that Laura
handled the birds and the bees
or else no one did

That may explain why
the twinnies are such nice girls
pure as wind driv'n snow.

Man with weird snake hat
Begs joke about 'ol one eye
going to doctor.

Amy thinks: shark? Jumped.
Not so. But there was this girl
had an elk run-in.

It looks like the George-bot
has toilet paper hanging
from his robot ass.

Mutant elk, no doubt.
What will the children look like?
at least they'll be loved.

Tampon! Tampon! Pad!
Pad! Pad! Tampon! Tampon! Pad!
Tampon! Pad! Tampon!

Man, it sure feels GOOD
To get that ALL out of my
system. Tampon! Whoops!

That could be the girls'
bitchin' version of morse code.
Ha, ha, bitchin' code.

can't believe dad keeps
posting pics of himself in
his green penis hat

Poor Dawn, that's your dad?
Awkward and embarrassing
growing up with him?

I must say Shrimp gal
is looking a bit sluggish
sad: pun intended.

When there was only
one set of footprints it was
when I carried you.

Sure, it was against
your will, but since when has that
part of the poem?

Correction:

When there was only
one set of footprints it was
when I carried you.

Sure, it was against
your will, but since when was that
part of the poem?

New:

Hey Diddle Diddle,
the Bush-man is a robot
that would explain things.

Look ma! With all this
Lumber we can finally
Build us that garage!

Patron stares at the
condom-man and wishes that
he'd thought of it first.

Will Bush be ready?
Ready, yo, for take-off soon?
I'd like to see that.

Bot has USA
flag pasted on his back, but
Texas flag on front.

Perhaps another?
Are there confederate flags
or is that too far?

Canadian girl
she don't know if that's too far;
so please don't shoot her.

shiz has gone 'ku wild
i think she's speaking ja-pan-
weezy is gone, sob!

The shrimp girl grosses
the Canadian girl out
she's too weird, you all!

I hope the condom
wasn't a lubricated;
that's way too messy.

Sadly, Penis-hat
thinks that he is super-cool
Yo, you ain't cool, dude.

Hub went to trade show
saw product called the flasher
bad name for blink light.

Also saw an act
Guy named Stiffy the Robot
It's too dumb for words.

Snake/Penis hat man
fits in the category
too dumb to know cool.

Guys carrying girls
across a field of sand, right?
Then why the helmets?

The customer says
"I'll have what he is having".
It's called safe drinking

Rock on, Genuine!
Although it kind of looks like
Patron is confused.

Maybe he's looking
at the girl not in the pic
wearing diaphragm.

Look at the very
Top of the shrimp girl photo
Could be two coneheads.

And to top it off,
They threw in all this lumber
at no extra cost!

red car, sadly bent
stalky eyes will stalk my dreams
but george taunts by day

Lumber guy thinking
about the cash settlement
he wants from all this.

Doesn't realize
that a family auto
cannot hold a house.

I'm glad we've moved from
super-scary to the
super surreal.

At the dental show
The orthodontists unveil
New headgear style.

There appears to be
a can of gasoline by
Our "I, Robot" Prez.

Is hillbilly man
really a terrorist, yo?
or mad scientist?

Thieves stealing plywood
chose the wrong getaway car
Steal *diamonds*, dumbass.

Remembered this week!
Yes, I love to write haikus
but they're always too...

Is that a condom?
No sir, you are mistaken
it is life-support.

Holy Moses, dudes.
Have I done half the haikus?
Where is everyone?

Now that I'm this far
Might as well keep on going
À la Forrest Gump.

"And when I reached an-
-other ocean, I thought, well,
I've come this far, yo.

"So I just turned a-
-round, and kept on going, yo"
That's the Gump we know.

Girl with the "swirl" hat?
Working for Red Lobster, babes,
Gets paid in tuna.

I am Cosmonaut!
Dah, in Soviet Russia
Rocket ignites you.

Green penis-head man?
Worst promo photo ever
Says Madison Ave.

Girls afraid to walk
across the sand have one more
thing to fear: pavement.

The car photograph
Looks like Kansas City pic
It could SO be it.

Striped man in foreground
One sock is up, one sock down
SOOO fashion forward.

Is it possible
To buy dumbass insurance?
Car guys could use it.

Slow day for haiku
Everyone's getting sloshed
While two of us work.

surreal or scary
most 'ku posts point to one thing:
shiz has whoop'd some ass

looked out my window
the only thing getting sloshed
are the dumb pigeons

it's raining and
there's lightning and loud thunder
forgot umbrella

Half an hour left
Probably won't ku tonight
Need to re-vamp 'ku?

Maybe we could vote
For the nastiest 'ku-er,
best single 'ku, yo.

Pic different cats
every week for us all
all 'ku-ers vote, yo.

But he JLB
Still would pick the Grandmaster
votes like People's Choice.

For this week, I would
send my props to Dawn for the
Howie Mandel 'ku.

Some of these are fun.
lots of good humor in the
haikus of today.

Forgive the rambler
Don't know what I'm talking 'bout
delusional 'ku.

Shiz only "whipped ass"
Because a) she is bored, and
b) turnout is small.

I once did a 'ku
With haiku "stanzas"
I 'ku when inspir'd

I once did a 'ku
With fifty haiku "stanzas"
I 'ku when inspir'd

Sue, where you be, girl?
Here it is sun, sun, sunny
and thirty degrees.

If you ain metric
Thirty is Eighty-six, yo.
Time to be roastin'

Chris didn't haiku?
He's hosting without posting?
I cannot find one.

Glad a certain boy
Who tends to not haiku right
Chose to stay away.

The r-child, who
is probably quite able
but playing a part.

Dinner patron thinks
"After what I've seen tonight
there's no way I'll tip."

I'm in the slightly
hot and humid, capital
of the U S A

Right now, it's pouring
and it is, dark, dark, dark
might even be hail

I'm in the slightly
hot and humid, capital
of the U S A

Right now, it's pouring
and it's very, dark, dark, dark
might even be hail

Yo, Dr. Suess's
daughter his inspiration
for books characters.

Dude! Most people just
use duct tape to patch up those
broken car windows.

Hal's allgergies to
flowers meant snickers among
the other waiters.

I am George, the great!
Pay no attention to that
man behind the screen!

Kids fighting in tub,
will be back to ku after
jammies and night night.

Though unusual to see
gnuilk in it's habitat
Joe took careful aim.

Bob wanted to add
a garage onto his house.
Now no need for one.

Damn forgot to comb
my hair. Well I'll just wear this,
no one will notice.

Not getting any
tips tonight, maybe I should
get this mole checked out.

what are you staring
at pal? Ain't you ever seen
a head condom, bitch?

Vinnie liked the new
management. Not so much the
new uniforms, yo.

Jealousy is the
green eyed monster. Lucas
just green eyed loser.

After their release
from jail, the guys wanted to
pick up some bad girls.

Michael Moore's cousin
gets real scoop. Bush ain't nothin'
but plastic and wires.

The thing about high
fashion: so impractical
for every day wear.

Kuing all alone
guess i better go clean the
kitchen. Smackdown done.

Claustrophobia
is having your head inside
of a condom, dudes.

just read blog at chez
miscarriage's, so sad I
must ku to cheer up.

*sips wine* not working
now george's robot innards
and weird balloon head

just serve to remind
of malfunctioning womb, yo
it would be funny

if it weren't so sad.
so much struggle in living
our brief span of time.

I'm late for haiku
a bachelor party I was
like car, i got wood