September 02, 2004

Outta Juice

OR, NOTES FROM A LONG MEETING

99% of my laptop battery left…Are we done yet?

87% of my laptop battery left…I should have gotten something to eat before I came in here. Gum isn’t working. Reminder – gum is not food.

86% of my laptop battery left…No wireless connection…no internet connection…no wall jack. This isn’t civilization, people! What kind of heathens build a conference room with no internet connection?

78% of my laptop battery leftfor the courage of the fearless crew, the minnow would be lost…the minnow would be lost

73% of my laptop battery left…Wonder what that knob does. Hey, look everyone! I’m playing with my knob!

56% of my laptop battery left…and I really really have to pee.

54% of my laptop battery left…ahhh…much better.

47% of my laptop battery left…I'm disturbed to report that my ass has fallen asleep. Just my ass. Not my legs or back or anything. Apparently only my ass abandoned ship on me.

41% of my laptop battery left…My knob’s no fun anymore. Let me outta here!

33% of my laptop battery left…Jerry! Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Cantrell, Jerry Stiller, Jerry Mathers (as the Beaver – heh), Jerry-that-kid-I-hated-in-elementary-school, Jerry Garcia, Ben & Jerry’s Jerry. King of the Jerrys!

27% of my laptop battery left…and all I’m really hearing at this point is blah blah blah blah blah like the Charlie Brown teacher, you know?

21% of my laptop battery left…Why in the HELL did I start singing the Gilligan’s Island song? That’s never leaving my head. Help! I’m trapped in a meeting with the sound of blahs and the Gilligan’s Island song in my head!

18% of my laptop battery left…If I keep nodding and typing purposefully people think I’m actually doing something. Lesson: type like you mean it and nod. It’ll all be okay.

7% of my laptop battery left…Internet! I can get to the Internet on my cell phone! The shakes are starting to ease up a little bit. But no, that’s too obvious. Keep typing like you have a purpose. Don’t let anyone see that you opened up a document and titled it “Holy Hell!” because it will all be over in a few minutes. Hey, wait. This meeting was supposed to be over ten minutes ago!

1% of my laptop battery left…when is this ever going to e…

Posted by Chris at September 2, 2004 08:15 PM
Comments

Was the knob in question by any chance the client level interface tool?

Posted by: Mrs. Cactus at September 2, 2004 08:31 PM

Type like you mean it and nod...I'm definitely using that advice when I start school next week. :D

Posted by: Heather at September 2, 2004 08:47 PM

Hah. HAHAHAHAHA. There must have been some serious fun going on in that conference room.

I hate how Gilligan's Island ALWAYS seems to get stuck in your head and then you start making up different lyrics that goes to that rather annoying theme song.

Hermph.

Posted by: Maureen at September 2, 2004 08:51 PM

Grumble, grumble. You just reminded me that my laptop is terribly sick :(

Posted by: LT at September 2, 2004 08:52 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love my law school, because at every seat, there is a plug for your laptop, and an ethernet plug.

The ethernet plug isn't connected to anything anymore, though, because we're supposed to have wireless throughout the building. Do we.

HELLS, NO!

Posted by: alektra at September 2, 2004 09:00 PM

Gum can be food if it ends with "my bears". :) Lol. Sounds like a fun meeting. Get this...no one brings lap tops into meetings at my place. They still insist too that their admin assists take minutes at important meetings with a steno pad. We're in the freaking medival times here I tell ya! Okay and since now I have the theme song from Gilligan's Island running through my brain...I have to ask the big Q. Ginger or MaryAnne??? I used to have a crush on the professor!

Posted by: groovebunny at September 2, 2004 09:42 PM

I'm loving beyond anything that you used laptop batter percentage as your "clock" in your chronological entry. Very clever.

Posted by: DeAnn at September 3, 2004 12:31 AM

Can't you get into trouble playing with your knob in a meeting? *shaking head*

Posted by: Amber at September 3, 2004 08:11 AM

I have no words.

Except that I'm going to assume, for my own sanity, that in between 56% and 54% you got up and left the room. If you didn't? Well, that can just be your little secret.

You know, long meetings like that are one time that the pager comes in handy. When things start getting dull, I just whip it out like it went off, frown at it purposefully, then leave the room for a few minutes to take a walk, stretch, regain my sanity. That sort of thing.

Posted by: Dawnie at September 3, 2004 09:20 AM

Meetings like that make me want to play buzzword (bullshit) bingo ;)

Posted by: Sue at September 3, 2004 09:27 AM

ditto what DeAnn said -- true brilliance. and damn funny too. thanks for that :)

Posted by: laura at September 3, 2004 09:33 AM

Please tell me you got up between 56% and 54%.

And Mrs. Cactus? I love you. Keep on spilling bedroom secrets. In fact, you could write a "love tips" book in clientese. I know you have it in you. As it were.

Posted by: Mindy at September 3, 2004 09:40 AM

you need to install a game on your laptop. i just got rollercoaster tycoon 2 ... wanna copy? :-)

Posted by: tj at September 3, 2004 09:43 AM

Usually for me it's the spiderman theme that gets stuck in my head.
"spider man spidre man does whatever a spider can. Spins a web any size..catches thieves just like flies. Look out!"
THAT would be pay back for the Chevy to the Levy post.
ps, glad you made it out alive.

Posted by: Another Pam at September 3, 2004 10:27 AM

Apparently we both have the Charlie Brown teacher as our boss. Someone has to do something about this.

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at September 3, 2004 12:10 PM

Ok, Jerry Garcia is definitely King of the Jerry's.

And for a twist on the "type and nod along"...I've been using the "nod and smile" for human interaction for years now...works like a charm.

Posted by: junkie at September 3, 2004 01:04 PM