September 09, 2004

Waste of $6

I haven't really had the time to talk much about my long weekend. And I don't really have much time to go into it here. Maybe tomorrow? I would like to tell you (warn you!) about the horrible movie I saw over the weekend. Wicker Park. And I'd also like to demonstrate how opinions differ from person to person.

In Friday's Washington Post review, Stephen Hunter raved, "A movie such as 'Wicker Park' is a movie critics favorite, and because it has so many secrets, I can say very little about it and may get out of here before 3 p.m." After seeing the movie, largely based on his glowing review, I'm convinced he just skipped the screening and bailed on the whole work thing at noon.

The following praise for the movie is lifted directly from Hunter's review.

...the plotting is ingenious...this is a smart movie...astonishing reverses and switchbacks...adroitly walks the thin line between too clever by half and not clever enough by three-quarters...nothing is what it seems...this is a nothing-is-what-it-seems movie, par excellence...

Those are pretty words...shiny and distracting. And while all of these things are, appropriately enough, matters of opinion, I couldn't have disagreed with them more. I'll use less pretty words, with less shine - this movie was complete raw sewage. Rarely have I felt tempted to walk out of a movie, no matter how bad. Battlefield Earth? I sat through it all. Eyes Wide Shut? Yup, the whole thing. Why? Well, I was under the illusion that I really couldn't judge something unless I'd seen the whole thing. I'll admit, however, that I was more tempted to walk out of Wicker Park than I've ever been to walk out of any movie ever before. Why? Well, let me default to the words of another Washington Post reviewer, Michael O'Sullivan:

There would be no movie here -- none -- if the characters in it simply had answering machines, functioning cell phones, knew how to look someone up in the phone book and delivered messages to their best friends when they said they would instead of waiting until the last minute. In other words, if they acted like you and I do. Somebody needs to be slapped here...the movie collapses from the weight of its own stupidity.

Amen, brother. Bottom line - please skip the movie. In the immortal words of Forrest Whittaker's character from Good Morning Vietnam, it "sucked the sweat off a dead man's balls." And, as he then said, "I'm not sure what that means but it can't be good."

Posted by Chris at September 9, 2004 07:07 AM
Comments

I consider myself warned. LOL

Posted by: Strode at September 9, 2004 08:11 AM

Hmmm, I am guessing you didn't like it much. Thanks for saving me the 9 bucks!

Posted by: debby at September 9, 2004 08:42 AM

You should probably also note that it wouldn't be worth renting either :)

Posted by: Colby at September 9, 2004 08:48 AM

You liked Eyes Wide Shut. At least, you said you did at the time.

Posted by: Beth at September 9, 2004 08:51 AM

Eyes wide shut? You liked that?!
You're such a rebel!

Posted by: Another Pam at September 9, 2004 08:57 AM

did the stinkage have anything to do with Josh Hartnett's chronic "duh" face? after going to it's website (via your lovely wife's site) i've decided that it would be a much better book than movie.

Posted by: monique at September 9, 2004 09:16 AM

where can you still see a movie for $6? what the eff?

Posted by: type a at September 9, 2004 09:47 AM

I LOVE the fact that he brought up the whole thing about movie characters not acting like you and I do. AMEN to that!

I mean, seriously, why are we supposed to suspend disbelief about the most inane parts of life... LIKE returning phonecalls or giving messages or whatever. I'll suspend disbelief about a man with superpowers because of a spider bite. I will NOT pretend that it's normal to only remember to tell a friend an important piece of info, when they're in the grip of death.

Sheesh!

Posted by: PinkStiletto at September 9, 2004 09:57 AM

Wow, you sat through all of Eyes Wide Shut, but wanted to walk out of this one?? I'll be sure to avoid this movie at all costs, because I remember how painful (and confusing) watching Tom Cruise get his groove on in a creepy mask was.

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at September 9, 2004 10:01 AM

Looks like Beth threw you under the bus there with her comment...hehehe.

Thanks for the warning !

Posted by: JuJuBee at September 9, 2004 10:56 AM

You know, I saw the trailer for Wicker Park some time ago and I was like "I think I saw this when it was called 'Single White Female.'"

Also, I don't trust a word Stephen Hunter writes. Ever. Neither does Strega.

Posted by: Michelle at September 9, 2004 11:20 AM

I could tell this was awful, just from the previews. At every movie I went to see this summer, I was subjected to this. It took several viewings to even figure out what it was supposed to be about, exactly. Then, I found myself snickering at the sheer WTF-ness of it all. Especially when that chick pops up to watch them through the window. That shit is hilarious.

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 9, 2004 11:46 AM

Yes, but is it worse than Autumn in New York?
And $6? Was it a matinee?

Posted by: bmh at September 9, 2004 12:48 PM

the preview for it looked kind of stupid, and the fact that there's a commercial on tv for it every 5 seconds makes me not want to see it. now that i know it's terrible, i definitely won't bother. thanks for the warning. *G*

Posted by: Manda at September 9, 2004 01:30 PM

So let me get this straight, you didn't like the movie?

Posted by: Nicole at September 9, 2004 03:42 PM

Crap. and I had already planned on getting you that for Christmas.

Posted by: Zoot at September 9, 2004 04:06 PM

bmh, I love you. I forgot what a crapfest Autumn in New York was. I'm embarassed to admit I saw it in the theatre. And I knew it would suck, too!

Posted by: Michelle at September 9, 2004 07:50 PM

Hey there is no such thing as a waste of money. At least after you see the movie you'll have great memories about how shitty it was. :) Last weekend I bought this huge carboard ice cream cone from this random kid at a carnival and not once have I scoulded myself for making such a foolish choice. At least it brought out a few laughs for my friends. :P Oh yeah I was actually thinking of watching it too. Buffalo New's Jeff Simon hated it and usually when he hates a movie its really amazing.

Well I guess I'll skip that now.

Posted by: Maureen at September 10, 2004 08:28 PM