October 21, 2004

I've Been Had

I've mentioned the cardinal rule of my group of friends here at the office before - when one of us goes on vacation, we toy with them while they're gone, usually leaving behind a nice surprise or practical joke. Remember the toilet? Most recently another coworker took off for a week-long cruise. Ironic. Her favorite film star is Tom Cruise. So, what could have been better than returning to an office entirely wallpapered in semi-clad suggestive Xeroxed pictures of Tom? And when I say "wallpapered", I really mean it - everything!

Halfway through our trip to NYC, my wife turned to me and said, "Are you worried about what they're going to do to you?" I honestly hadn't thought about it. "I am now," I replied. You see, I was prepared to return to something bad. Something big, grand, something with a lot of thought and careful planning behind it. But when I returned? Nothing. They claimed oh, it was a really busy week which it was and that we had some ideas but never really got around to doing it. I was a little bummed, honestly, but I bought it. Until this morning, that is.

When I opened up my office this morning, I noticed a smell. Rather, a stink. I flipped on the lights, put my laptop in its docking station and began walking around sniffing (thank god I'm alone in the office at this hour). I didn't come up with anything. My laptop had booted up and the message light on my phone was blinking so I figured I'd get to work. As soon as I lifted up the handset of the phone I knew where the stink was coming from. The smell of death was wafting from my phone. Upon closer inspection, death itself (or whatever) was actually squishing from the mouthpiece of the phone. It was then I realized that I'd been had.

Needless to say, I grabbed the closest thing I had to a screwdriver (a pair of scissors) and took the phone apart. I can't really tell you what was in there but it was nasty. Perhaps cheese? Perhaps some sort of animal fat? Whatever it was, was pretty damn disgusting. And it all makes much more sense now. The random phone calls and messages from them over the past couple days. The hangups. The funny looks. Yes, it all makes sense.

I SO need a new phone.

Posted by Chris at October 21, 2004 07:31 AM

ewwwwwww! that is nasty. *gag*

Posted by: tiffanie at October 21, 2004 07:39 AM

giggle...friends...ya can't live with em...ya can't live with 'em! hee hee...THe same sort of sick jokes happen to our group of cackling hens...if you leave your purse for even a minute...it's no telling what you'll find inside when you get back!

Posted by: sheryl at October 21, 2004 07:40 AM

Hahaha! That's great! Nauseating... but great!

Posted by: Tjej at October 21, 2004 07:46 AM

man, and think, you've been using this phone for a couple of days now. The germs! Gross!

Posted by: Jade at October 21, 2004 07:55 AM

eewww. nastiness. So glad my work place isn't like that - though there is a trade off, everybody where I work could care less about each other when you walk out the door.

Posted by: autumn at October 21, 2004 08:19 AM

maybe it was some sort of fish goo? fish goo stinks. and makes great practical jokes.

Posted by: liz at October 21, 2004 08:35 AM

oh god. i so didn't need to see that this morning. ugh.

Posted by: patricia at October 21, 2004 08:58 AM

Man, that shit ain't right. Ewwwwww.

Posted by: Dawnie at October 21, 2004 09:15 AM

oh that is so wrong. oof.

Posted by: Sue at October 21, 2004 09:20 AM

I like your office mates...

Posted by: ben at October 21, 2004 09:34 AM

Dude that is so wrong! We do the same kinda thing in the blue collar world - but man, the PHONE?! that's good stuff - I have to agree with 'liz', the fish is a great joke tool.

Posted by: tescosuicide at October 21, 2004 09:44 AM

oh what fun!!! I love office pranks, when I worked on the psychiatric unit I had the BEST prankster co-worker...this post really makes me miss him!!

Posted by: kimberlee at October 21, 2004 09:59 AM

Pay backs are double they say.

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at October 21, 2004 10:02 AM

Iewwwww! Yet? HYSTERICAL!

Posted by: Beth at October 21, 2004 10:03 AM

Yikes. I mean, the Tom Cruise wallpapering-thing was at least a welcome prank!

Posted by: supine at October 21, 2004 10:08 AM

LOL. The worst we've ever done to a phone is gluing it down. Yuck...can you imagine how long that icck must have been sitting in the mouthpiece? Are you sure they like you there??? hehehe

Posted by: charm at October 21, 2004 10:47 AM

So, you've been using the phone all week and just now noticed the goo? Please tell me that you use the speaker phone and that's why you never noticed.

Posted by: myllissa at October 21, 2004 11:17 AM

ewwwwww that is nasty- but good. they got you in a way youd never expect, always the way to get the real prankster.

yikes- get thee to the storage room

Posted by: stinkerbell at October 21, 2004 12:04 PM

Oh my god, that looks so disgusting. You should switch your phone with whomever you think the culprit was.

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at October 21, 2004 12:07 PM

Nothing says "Welcome back" like rotten cheese. ;)

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at October 21, 2004 12:30 PM

ew. ew. ew. washing my phone and everything in my office now. ew.

Posted by: Granola Spice at October 21, 2004 12:31 PM

Ewww. But? Bwahahahahahahaha! I'm sorry, that's not -- hee! -- not funny. It's just -- hee -- so juvenile and -- *gasp* -- really disgusting. Hee hee.

Posted by: Fraulein N at October 21, 2004 01:23 PM

ewww... LOL.
The closest thing I got to a practical joke was my supervisor only scheduling me one day the week before I went on vacation, and she said they didn't need me anymore. but that? gross. hahah eww. seriously, ew. lol

Posted by: Manda at October 21, 2004 02:06 PM


Posted by: Sweety at October 21, 2004 03:15 PM

Oh, NO! NO WAY!!! I mean, I suppose you deserve it and all, but that is TOO FUNNY. I never would have thought of something like that (then again, I probably wouldn't have thought of a toilet either, or papering someone's office in Tom Cruise pictures). :)

Posted by: Zandria at October 22, 2004 07:17 AM