February 17, 2005

Salty Ass Dibs

An actual conversation heard in my home last night...

Me: These are some salty-ass chips.
Her: I'm not sure I approve of that.
Me: What? Salty-ass chips?
Her: Yeah. I don't want to eat salty ass-chips.
Me: They're not salty ass-chips. They're salty-ass chips.
Her: That's what I said.
Me: No. You said salty ass chips. I said salty ass chips.
Her: And I'm not comfortable eating chips of ass.
Me: But you're not.
Her: You said they were salty ass-chips. And I don't want to eat ass.
Me: You're just not hearing my verbal hyphen. The salty ass modifies the chips. The salty doesn't modify the ass. And the ass certainly doesn't modify the chips.

And you - yes, you my wonderful readers - have turned us into a household in which one must end every moderately amusing conversation by calling "dibs." Yes, everyday there's yet another toss-up as to who gets to bring you these joyous, borderline insane snippets of life in the Cactus-Fish household.

Posted by Chris at February 17, 2005 04:20 PM

"verbal hyphen" HA! Totally made me snort.

Posted by: Oliquig at February 17, 2005 04:28 PM

Well what good are we to you if you can't start fighting over us?

Posted by: bmh at February 17, 2005 04:29 PM

Hee. Ass chips. That is comedy gold.

Posted by: Heather at February 17, 2005 04:31 PM

Glad you won this round. I hope all the dibs stuff does not turn into one huge-ass battle. Or is it one huge ass-battle?

Posted by: smartjuice at February 17, 2005 04:42 PM

1115pm last night, phone convo
Him: Fuck the rain
Me: Its not supposed to rain
Him: Its a short month and fuck the rain
Me: Babe, turn on channel 4, its not supposed to rain
Him: Grrrotbghdyygws
Me: Am doing the NO RAIN dance (starts singing Blind Melon's NO RAIN while dancing around living room with cell phone)
Him: If it rains I am going to bash my head against the wall.
ME: YOU'RE the one who used your rainstick the other night for musical accompanyment--YOU caused the rain now I hav to dance.
Him: Yeah baby, dance. Is there a pole involved
Me: Bite me

Me: (looks out window) Oh Shit, its raining.

(Chris can't work when it rains, since he's currently employed in the building of a treehouse. )

Posted by: amy at February 17, 2005 05:05 PM

Hahahahhaa :)) You guys sounds just like us sometimes! We get crazy like that too.

Posted by: Sweety at February 17, 2005 05:43 PM

That is way funnier than salty ass pretzels. Maybe not. :)

Posted by: Sue at February 17, 2005 05:48 PM

I have a feeling being a fly on the wall in your home would be quite entertaining. :)

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at February 17, 2005 06:46 PM

I like it... heh. Ass chips. Salty ones, yet.

Too good, too good.

How did you get dibs on the conversation, anyway?

Posted by: pinkstiletto at February 17, 2005 06:54 PM

I just had some sweet-ass chocolate. Now that is something you just can't mis-hyphenate!

Posted by: ms.quilty at February 17, 2005 07:16 PM

One can only wonder what the conversations will be like when both of you are tired from a baby ROFL!!!!

Posted by: Nina at February 17, 2005 09:08 PM

Heh, fun times at your house! And do you guys also call "jinx!" when you say something in unison, or "shotgun!" as you race toward the car??

Posted by: supine at February 17, 2005 11:21 PM

When am I going to learn to NEVER NEVER drink fluids when I'm reading your site (or your wife's site) because it ALWAYS winds up sprayed all over my desk. I'm going to make you send me some clean-up wipes in retribution! LOL Happy Friday!

Posted by: Swt GA Hunny Bee at February 18, 2005 08:47 AM

What a riot! LOL

Posted by: Tricia at February 18, 2005 08:55 AM

Yes! We're being fought over!
So how do you guys decide who gets dibs? Is it literally a coin-toss or do you play Rock, Paper Scissors? ;)

Posted by: Kitty at February 18, 2005 09:56 AM

"You're not hearing my verbal hyphen" had me rolling. Too funny.

Posted by: SpaceCase at February 18, 2005 10:57 AM

I love "you're not hearing my verbal hyphen"! I think if you had left a little space between salty-ass and chips, she might have gotten it. Or maybe not. ;-)

Posted by: Kelley at February 18, 2005 11:35 AM

Yea. I'm with Beth. I don't want no ass chips either, salty or not. I mean, are they just trying to hide the flavor with the salt or what?

Posted by: Jade at February 18, 2005 01:15 PM

My friends and I had a similar conversation involving a "Big Ass Steak House".
Did the "big ass" modify the steak or the house... And was either made of actual ass?

Answer: the "big ass" modified me - and my friends. We have way too much time on our hands. :)

And anyway I call dibs on the diet coke. Got any? You and Beth have to give it now! Mine!!

Posted by: Gweny at February 18, 2005 01:26 PM

This is so hilarious....I have had a very similar conversation...only not about ass chips....

Posted by: Amy at February 18, 2005 04:06 PM

DOritos should be called soggy dog chips. Or musty feet chips. 'cause in my nostrils thats what they smell like

Posted by: shaners at February 21, 2005 06:19 PM

And this is why I'm glad I stayed up late to catch up on my blogging friends.

Do you think the girl on the Morton's salt canister has a salty ass?

Just wonderin'.

Posted by: Joe at February 22, 2005 01:08 AM