March 02, 2005

Of F-Bombs and Pimp Hats

Last night over dinner...

Me: So, how was your day?
Her:Fucking annoying!
Me: Well, that certainly doesn't sound good.
Her:It wasn't too bad. I've just decided to use the word 'fuck' as much as possible before, you know, we have a kid and can't.
Me: Makes sense. This salad? Its fucking great, by the way.
Her:Of course, supposedly the baby can hear now.
Me: So, we should stop dropping the f-bomb?
Her:No, on second thought I hope the kid picks it up. I want a fucking prodigy.
Me: You might really want to watch how you phrase that.

We are so ready to have kids, can't you tell? Don't even get me started on the recent discussion in which we determined one of our cats would make the perfect pimp hat, tail sticking straight up in the air, purring all the way. Or the fact that, later that same night, we used the doppler heartbeat thingy to see if we could hear her purring. Really. I have pictures. Our kid's going to be a total spazzzzz.

Posted by Chris at March 2, 2005 07:19 AM

fuck yeah, you're ready!

Posted by: tj at March 2, 2005 07:39 AM

sounds like you're ready!

btw... Cam's (my 3 year old) favorite word the past few weeks "crap." don't know where he got that one, nope, no clue *cough*

Posted by: monique at March 2, 2005 07:54 AM

I'd say you're fucking ready, and the kid is going to be a spazzzz....consider the sources on that one though and it won't come as such a shock! ;-)
I was ready too. My kids first word (after dada, but i didn't count that lol) was "ohshit"....

Posted by: Jade at March 2, 2005 08:28 AM

well, you can see from my blog what an effective parent I am when my first grader spends his time spelling swear words just to piss me off...

Posted by: jen at March 2, 2005 08:31 AM

you say spazzzz like it's a bad thing.

Posted by: patricia at March 2, 2005 08:31 AM

Remember the old joke about the preacher and the "dam" fish? Way to go, Dad, pass the fucking potatoes!

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at March 2, 2005 08:44 AM

Awww, you guys! How fucking sweet is that? ha! There are more spazzy parents out there that are way more "off" than the cactus-fish! ;o)

Posted by: Tricia at March 2, 2005 09:06 AM

I wanna babysit!!!! lol. If you're ever in the Connecticut area, you know where to find me! ;)

Then again, I may not be the best influence either. Fucking prodigy, notsomuch. Fucking spaz, definitely. lol.

Posted by: Jessa at March 2, 2005 09:28 AM

I have to say, I drop the F bomb all the time. We've got this one friend who's always like "whoa calm down" and I'm always like "Hello, you know me and that I use the F word a lot, even when I am perfectly happy, so shut the F up!!" LoL, I think it's b/c I work with kids, so I have to say things like, "Gee" and "Golly" all day long, when I am NOT at work I swear like mad!!

Posted by: lizabetty at March 2, 2005 09:31 AM

You wouldn't trade your pimp iPod hat for a furry purry hat would you? lol As for kids and the things they pick up from their parents but shouldn't, any time Jakie catches me using the fword out comes "Hello! Impressionable kid nearby! Watch your mouth Mommy!"

Posted by: groovebunny at March 2, 2005 09:36 AM

ha. I want to see those pictures. I've used a stethescope to amplify the purring. Try that some time. :)

As for the f-word. I use occasionally, pops out. Freaks Matt out. He thinks I should reserve it for special times. I think every day can be special, you know?

Posted by: Autumn at March 2, 2005 09:47 AM

Or your kid could turn out just the opposite - totally, completely normal. Which will of course ensure even more than usual, "Daa-aaad! Quit embarassing me!" or "Mooo-ooom! You're so WEIRD!"
Because who needs to be a spaz when you have 2 parents who fulfill the quota and then some? ;)

Posted by: Kitty at March 2, 2005 10:06 AM

Yup, I'm with kitty. Good chance your child will be an intellectual prodigy who will disown you both by the age of eleven.

Posted by: melman at March 2, 2005 10:35 AM

My favorite quote, from the movie "Blue Velvet", which I often use as a mantra: "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!"

I'm convinced that Lucas' (plug for my kid: he's one year today! Holy fuck!)first word will be "fuck". Beth is terrified that he'll say it in front of the grandparents. Personally, I have my fingers crossed that he does. That would be fucking hilarious.

Posted by: Jason at March 2, 2005 11:02 AM

A spaz with 5 z's. Does that make him/her 5 times the spaz? And I'm with Patricia....spaz is a very good thing.

Posted by: smartjuice at March 2, 2005 12:11 PM

That's funny. When my kids were little they thought their first names were Jesus and Dammit, as in "Jesus J." and "Dammit Jojo"! Hey, I never said I was the mother of the year!

Posted by: ms.quilty at March 2, 2005 12:11 PM

My kid now tells me "mom we don't say that word, it can hurt peoples feelings" to every word that seems a little off to her LOL!

Posted by: Nina at March 2, 2005 12:18 PM

But a lovable spazzzzz with lots of friends!!! :)

Posted by: Swt GA Hunny Bee at March 2, 2005 01:32 PM

I love to decorate my sentences with the F-bomb. It's kind of fun. It makes me feel so adult at the same time it makes me feel like a total loser juvenile. Best of both worlds???

You guys are too funny.

Posted by: Gweny at March 2, 2005 01:43 PM

My kid's a spazz too, but life is NEVER boring this way!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 2, 2005 02:06 PM

Think of it as toughening your kid up. When someone else cusses at your kid later in life--which *will* happen eventually--he (or she) won't even blink an eye.

Posted by: Spring at March 2, 2005 02:24 PM

that is one sweet discussion!

and trust me your kid wont be more of a spazz than I am :)

Posted by: stinkerbell at March 2, 2005 02:45 PM

Chris, don't worry -- you've got at least a good year of swearing away happily after the kid is born. It's not until they start repeating things that problems set in.

Posted by: martha at March 2, 2005 03:36 PM

Your "f-ing prodigy" comment to Beth made me laugh outloud. Much like the conversation the two of you had about salty ass chips. When I read your conversatiions, sometimes it's like being in the JuJu's livingroom, I swear. The four of you should get together and raise a whole bunch of spazzy kids.

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at March 2, 2005 04:26 PM

you guys crack me up. ah the joy that is the cactus-fish household.

Posted by: amy at March 2, 2005 06:03 PM

That's fan-fucking-tastic. Congrats BTW, I hope the cat isn't freeked out by the "doppler thingy"

Posted by: j.tonic at March 2, 2005 06:21 PM


you guys are going to be the coolest parents ever. I already wish you were my parents. Of course there is that whole "I'm older than you guys are" thing that would get in the way of that but hey I "dare to dream".

Posted by: Jeff A at March 3, 2005 09:38 AM

Hee. This is totally going to be me in the months before I have kids. Getting it all out of my system while I can.

Of course, you left out the important information: which cat makes the good pimp hat?

Posted by: Dawnie at March 3, 2005 12:44 PM

put on those baby einstein videos. they are tre amazing. but overall, i'd rather have a kid that knows how to swear before he/she popped out. :)

Posted by: Maureen at March 3, 2005 07:13 PM

Don't feel too bad. My kids (ages 9, 8 and 6) have a mother that has the mouth of a drunken sailor. They've never picked it up. Somehow, they even know it's a bad word. Occasionally they say "Moooommmm....don't say that!"...but they don't run around repeating it.

As for the "fucking prodigy"...yeah, might want to watch that phrase. If you get what you wish for, you might get Dirk Diggler.

Posted by: Holly at March 7, 2005 10:13 PM