March 09, 2005

Little Hands, Stolen Heart

Until today, the whole child thing has been largely theoretical. I'm sure its different for Beth - she's had to deal with the physical ramifications of getting knocked up while all I've had to do is say things like "no, you're not fat, you're pregnant" or humor her by ordering pineapple on a pizza. But for me? The child has been more conceptual than tangible. Until today, that is. Today, I got to see my baby.

Lying in a darkened room, my wife was gelled up and given what had to be the most thorough ultrasound ever. The ultrasoundologist sonogramopher lady with the ultrasound thingy seemed like a woman at the controls of a spaceship...and slowly Beth and I got our bearings for a trip around her uterus. And as we got accustomed to this view, we started to see arms and legs and fingers and toes and a beating heart and giant head.

I wanted to run around the room laughing hysterically and shouting with some combination of glee and freakedoutitude. I felt like, at the precise moment I saw the little toes and little fingers, I'd been hit with a weight of responsibility heavier than I ever knew existed. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw up. And due to a lot of coffee, I also really needed to pee.

I can only imagine how I'm going to feel when this kid is born - I'll just be laughing, shouting, crying, freaking out, puking and peeing all over the hospital. But I'll be a parent. To a child I already love so much with a passion I was worried I didn't think I'd have. I'll be a father. To a lovely little girl who stole my heart on a cold March morning.

Posted by Chris at March 9, 2005 08:41 PM

oh Yay!
Congratulations!! this was just the first of many moments that girl will make you want to cry... just wait until you are dancing on her wedding day... *s*

Posted by: Michelle at March 9, 2005 08:46 PM

aww, yay! i was really hoping it'd be a little girl. congrats :)

Posted by: tiffanie at March 9, 2005 08:53 PM

I knew it was a little girl!!! I'm so happy for you two!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Nina at March 9, 2005 08:58 PM

Wow! Speechless! Am so happy for you :) Glad it's a girl but I don't think it would have made squat of a difference to the father-to-be :)

Posted by: Luna at March 9, 2005 09:02 PM

Yay! a girl! congratulations! i knew it i knew it i knew it! i'm so happy for you two!

Posted by: monique at March 9, 2005 09:06 PM

Awesome Congrats!

Posted by: Angelia at March 9, 2005 09:08 PM

Congratulations! Yay for baby girls :)

Posted by: Daria at March 9, 2005 09:10 PM

Awwwwww!!! Wonderful! Watch out for those little girls.... ;-)

Posted by: Ginny at March 9, 2005 09:20 PM

Dude. I thought you were almost not going to tell us. Congratulations. :)

Posted by: julie at March 9, 2005 09:21 PM

Ut oh Daddy's girl already has him wrapped around her little fingers!!!! *Grin* I am so happy for you! You are ADORABLE when you are in love! I know your fears, passion and love for this baby! ENJOY...because when she is about 13 you will want to pull your hair out! *Grin*

Posted by: Gypsy at March 9, 2005 09:22 PM

YAY! Congratulations!

I thought so... You two will be great parents.

Posted by: Snidget at March 9, 2005 09:27 PM

Congratulations!! Baby girls rule!

"I'll just be laughing, shouting, crying, freaking out, puking and peeing all over the hospital."

Coincidentally, this is what your newborn baby will be doing as well.

Posted by: jodi at March 9, 2005 09:29 PM


Posted by: patricia at March 9, 2005 09:31 PM

Congrats to both of you!!!

Posted by: Jenni at March 9, 2005 09:40 PM

Beautiful, Chris...! Congratulations.

Posted by: PinkSTiletto at March 9, 2005 09:45 PM

You made me cry. I hate you.

Congratulations, Daddy. She's one lucky little girl to have you.

Posted by: Halo at March 9, 2005 09:46 PM

Jerk. I'd already cried once today, you know. Congratulations again on the baby...I'm sure we'll all continue to eagerly await baby updates as well as your usual witty repartée.

Posted by: Heather at March 9, 2005 09:53 PM

jodi made me lol!

Chris, congratulations! Of course, I realize I'm biased but I think little girls are perfection...I've got two and wouldn't trade em for anything. She's gonna be one lucky little gal with a daddy like you lookin out for her.

Loved your post....

Posted by: lu at March 9, 2005 09:54 PM

YAY!!! Congratulations! You are in for one heck of a crazy ride, but it is the best ride ever!!!

Posted by: Nicole at March 9, 2005 09:54 PM

HOOOOORAY! I just knew it was a girl. Okay, I was really, really HOPING FOR A GIRL. You're going to be such a great father to a really lucky girl! I think I just had my own episode of freakoutitude. Congratulations!

Posted by: samantha at March 9, 2005 10:01 PM

Congrats! I have 2 wonderful little girls myself and I can say that there is NOTHING that can compare. Being a daddy to a little girl is an amazing thing. There is just nothing like it in the world.

Posted by: Matt at March 9, 2005 10:13 PM

Congrats! And watch out ;)

Posted by: Tonya at March 9, 2005 10:18 PM

wow, that's awesome, conratulations to you both!!!! i am happy for you and i don't even know you, lol :)

Posted by: lizabetty at March 9, 2005 10:31 PM

squee!!!!!! a girl! awesome :)

Posted by: Priscilla at March 9, 2005 10:53 PM

Congratulations! What a beautiful post.

Posted by: Lisa at March 9, 2005 10:54 PM


Posted by: Rori at March 9, 2005 10:57 PM

Congrats Mr. Cactus! Now remember, you might be having the sweetest, most darling baby girl ever, but she will still scream as loud as any baby boy when shes hungry or tired....Watch out for that;-)You and Mrs. CactusFish will be the most remarkable parents! Im very happy for all three of you!

Posted by: Dawn at March 9, 2005 11:00 PM

YAY! I knew it was going to be a GIRL!

Awwww I hope someday my Chris has the same feelings as your last paragraph.

Posted by: amy at March 9, 2005 11:14 PM

you know i had to jump to the last sentence before i could finish even the first paragraph. yay for sweet little girl!!

Posted by: type a at March 9, 2005 11:20 PM


I am SO happy for the both of you :)

And little Lima :)

(I sense a run on pink booties coming)

Posted by: Kellie at March 9, 2005 11:28 PM

Congratulations...Now get use to the feeling of that little Girl wrapping you right around here finger. I do believe she is making a very very good start.

Posted by: Vickie at March 9, 2005 11:46 PM

AWW its a girl?! That is awesome, congrats :)

Posted by: Heather at March 10, 2005 12:04 AM

woohoo!!! Congratulations to two wonderful parents.

Posted by: etherian at March 10, 2005 12:13 AM

Congratulations! I was late on the guessing game. I'm not sure what I would have guessed, but since no one will know if I'm lying or not... I guessed girl! Yay! I'm right!!

Posted by: Gweny at March 10, 2005 12:18 AM

*sniff* That was so touching.

Let the name game begin!

Posted by: wendy at March 10, 2005 12:33 AM

Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out because your description of the overwhelming and uncontrolable depth of your love for this beautiful little being is so poignant!

Congratulations to both of you! Ever heard the phrase "Daddy's Little Girl"? Now you understand what it really means!

Posted by: zanie at March 10, 2005 12:49 AM

This is so fabulous! What a beautiful post... Congratulations!!! Woohoo!

Posted by: Keri at March 10, 2005 12:50 AM

But are we 100 percent sure it's a wee lass? Because you know, sometimes little boys have ways of hiding their junk out of the prying eyes of the ultrasound lady ... and who could blame them, really? I mean, would YOU want someone looking at YOUR stuff!?!? I'm saying.

Just kidding. Congratulations to you both!

Posted by: Broad at March 10, 2005 01:52 AM

So, wait, the baby is REAL?!


Posted by: DeAnn at March 10, 2005 02:01 AM

That's awesome news! Congratulations to you both. :)

Posted by: groovebunny at March 10, 2005 02:31 AM

Oooooooh! I little pink cactus! Congrats!

Posted by: Tjej at March 10, 2005 02:49 AM

OK, I was wrong. Congratulations! Lovely post.

Posted by: Catharina at March 10, 2005 02:52 AM

Congratulations!!! You will make a brilliant dad!
P.S. Told you it was a girl :)

Posted by: DaFFy at March 10, 2005 03:41 AM

Awww. Girls rock! I'm so happy for you both.

Posted by: Sashinka at March 10, 2005 03:46 AM

Awww :) congratulations! I was wrong when I guessed boy, oops! hehe. You and Beth are gonna be fantastic parents :)

Posted by: Emily at March 10, 2005 04:41 AM

You almost made me cry!! Congratulations!!!

Posted by: JustAgirl at March 10, 2005 05:04 AM

congratulations daddy, now whats the name gonna be :)

Posted by: stinkerbell at March 10, 2005 06:03 AM

Congrats Chris! Little girls are so much fun. Magical, little princesses. And they love their daddy's. :)

Posted by: Kimmer at March 10, 2005 07:00 AM

Congrats!!!! *weeping from your profound words* She will absolutely ADORE her parents!!

Posted by: Tricia at March 10, 2005 07:17 AM

Congratulations! Are you already wrapped around her little finger?

Posted by: donna at March 10, 2005 08:11 AM

you are so articulate it astounds me. you are so good at allowing people to feel what you are feeling when you write/speak. that's a talent i wish i had. but, chris, many congrats to you and mrs. cactus! i know you two (well, three, including the lima) will be just fine. how do i know? because i can tell you guys have so much love for the little lima bean and she will be entering this world with a loving and welcoming family. nothing could be better than that. :)

Posted by: Judy at March 10, 2005 08:33 AM

Dammit, you are gonna make me cry at work. You're going to be an awesome dad.

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 10, 2005 08:47 AM

Congratulations! What a gorgeous post-- you totally made me cry!

Posted by: Jen at March 10, 2005 08:50 AM

It's totally unfair to make a woman cry first thing in the morning....I'm so very happy for you and Beth!

Posted by: jennifer at March 10, 2005 08:52 AM

awwwww.. congrats, daddy. :D

Posted by: manda at March 10, 2005 09:04 AM

Congratulations! Why do I get the feeling that your daughter won't be allowed to date until she's 30? She's already got you wrapped around her little finger.

Posted by: Krush at March 10, 2005 09:11 AM

I knew it!! (How I knew, I have no clue.) Congratulations!! Oh, and your job as Dad is to embarrass her as much as possible because she doesn't have a little brother. (yet)

That's what my dad would say when my sister and I were younger - "But I HAVE to embarrass you girls because you don't have a little brother to do it. Besides, all girls have to have a little brother to grow up right."

Posted by: Kitty at March 10, 2005 09:16 AM

Wow! Congrats! I just starting reading your site and your wife's site. SHe is certainly lucky to have a husband that is so in touch with his feelings! Congrats on the little girl.

Posted by: alfredsmom at March 10, 2005 09:16 AM

Awwww... congrats to both of you!

Posted by: SpaceCase at March 10, 2005 10:10 AM

Congrats, sweet person. :-)

Posted by: Bond Girl at March 10, 2005 10:29 AM

Wow. Even for a one-year veteran dad like me, your words still bring back the rush of emotions that hit me when I first saw the images of my little guy. It's amazing how real it suddenly becomes, and how your perception of the world completely changes. Now the adventure really begins...

Congrats. I'd say you're going to be a great dad, but you already are.

Posted by: Jason at March 10, 2005 10:51 AM

i was wrong, but i am so happy for you!! a baby is a baby... but a baby girl is even more special! little girls treasure their daddys... and i'm sure you are going to be an awesome one. i was picturing you in the room, and i was so happy for you... i am so happy for you! Congrats again... the days will just get better from here! ;)

Posted by: Dubs at March 10, 2005 11:06 AM

Wow, congratulations! See, I knew it was a girl. Your words got me a bit misty-eyed at the end of this post. Thanks for sharing the news with all of us. :o)

Posted by: Milly at March 10, 2005 11:10 AM

I was right, it is a girl! Congrats again. And good luck with the freakedoutitude :)

Posted by: bad penguin at March 10, 2005 11:11 AM

Congrats! We have 3 of them at our house and let me tell you - they steal your heart a hundred times a day!

This is going to be so much fun! :-)

Posted by: Em at March 10, 2005 11:30 AM

Woo hooo!!!!! Congrats!

Posted by: Busy Mom at March 10, 2005 11:50 AM

Woohoo!!!! I just knew it was a girl! All the best things to you and Beth.

Posted by: Heather at March 10, 2005 11:52 AM

You made me cry. Again. Damn you! I am really, really happy for you and Beth. That's all I have to say.

Posted by: ms.quilty at March 10, 2005 12:03 PM

the greatest joy in my life at the moment is watching my husband hold our daughter, watching how she clings to him and smiles the second she hears his voice. It's the most beautiful experience and I'm so happy you're going to have that same experience in just a few short months.

Congratulations, Chris.

Posted by: Y at March 10, 2005 12:04 PM

That was beautiful and touching Chris! Make sure she reads that someday. :)

Posted by: Sue at March 10, 2005 12:18 PM

I can only imagine the freakedoutitude. (By the way, I adore that word.)

I could only imagine a girl for you guys, for some reason, so the news doesn't surprise me. Welcome to Baby Cactus! :)

Posted by: Zandria at March 10, 2005 12:33 PM

Congrats! It's the most amazing experience in the world!

Posted by: Beth at March 10, 2005 12:59 PM

Awwww *wipes a tear away*

Posted by: Sweety at March 10, 2005 01:09 PM

Congrats! That's awesome! You're going to be a great dad and probably spoil her rotten as you should.

Posted by: Karen at March 10, 2005 02:07 PM

Hey. Cool!

One bit of advice: keep her name to yourselves until she is born.

Posted by: Alison at March 10, 2005 02:19 PM

Well, belated congratulations from me as well. You and Beth are going to make wonderful parents, I'm sure.

Posted by: Kerry at March 10, 2005 02:47 PM

Eeeeee! I am so so happy for you both! Lots of congratulations.

Posted by: supine at March 10, 2005 02:48 PM

I knew it! a lito angelina ryan cactus! ;) kidding. but it is a great name =)

Posted by: angel at March 10, 2005 03:59 PM

Congrats! You're gonna make a great daddy. =)

Posted by: Nicole at March 10, 2005 07:45 PM

YAY!! :) Congrats... what a sweet post!

Posted by: Mary Jo at March 10, 2005 08:15 PM

Woo hoo!! I think you'll make a fine daddy - even if you do puke and pee all over the hospital!! ;)

Posted by: sara at March 11, 2005 12:24 AM


I'm so happy for you two!!!

Posted by: Stacey at March 11, 2005 09:32 AM

Aw, you got me crying......but your timing couldn't have been better, as my first born just became a teenager yesterday....and I SO remember that first ultrasound. And the feeling of loving like you never thought you were capable of loving before in your whole life. Welcome to parenthood, Chris and Beth. It TRULY is a blessing.

Posted by: Julie at March 11, 2005 11:23 AM

Ooh, a little girl! Congrats! Just think of all the dibs you'll have to call. :)

Posted by: noodge at March 11, 2005 11:41 AM

You stinker, making us wait until the end of the post! Congratulations, nothing like having a "Daddy's Little Girl".

Posted by: Amy at March 11, 2005 11:42 AM

Sweet and hilarious all at the same time. Now that's talent. Congrats to you and Beth on your baby girl. Imagine how you'll feel when she's *outside* the womb. :)

Posted by: Spring at March 11, 2005 12:17 PM

a girl! yay!!!!

Posted by: laura at March 11, 2005 01:59 PM

Well, shit. Now I'm crying. :)

Posted by: Iki at March 11, 2005 02:35 PM

I was so hoping for a girl...listen to me, you'd think I was the one pregnant! Congratulations...I am sure she will be a daddy's girl, they almost always are!

Posted by: Cindy at March 11, 2005 03:18 PM

I can't wait till your little girl is a teenager. Then maybe every time I come to your blog I won't start bawling. lol

Hee, just kidding -- congratulations and thank you for sharing this, it makes us all feel a part of your joy. :) A GIRL!! WHOO!!!!

Posted by: Chepooka at March 11, 2005 08:23 PM

Congrats. It's hard to explain, but for me, it was "really real" a little while after she was born and the excitement happened.

We have a little girl as well. You're gonna love being a daddy.

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at March 11, 2005 11:24 PM


She's gonna be beautiful! :-)
Blessing to the 3 of you.

Posted by: La Bella at March 12, 2005 12:59 AM


Oh, and congrats! :o)

(That is all.)

Posted by: ironic1 at March 12, 2005 01:34 AM

Congratulations. Thats great news.

Posted by: Shelley at March 12, 2005 05:27 PM


Posted by: Pixie at March 14, 2005 02:38 PM

Wooohooo Congradulations Chris!! You and Beth are going to make wonderful parents!! I am so happy for the two of you.

Posted by: Tammy at March 14, 2005 07:03 PM

Oh how wonderful! Congrats on the news! (Yes, I know I'm late, had a wedding to attend!)
Little girl clothes are so much fun to buy! I can't wait to start shopping!

Posted by: Jade at March 15, 2005 09:09 AM

Oh, I really don't have the words to express how very cool I know this is for you. I'll just say I'm so glad it's a girl......there is pretty much about nothing in this world that my girl loves more than her daddy!

Posted by: Junkie at March 15, 2005 04:04 PM