March 16, 2005

Hump Day Memos

Dear Bed,

Don't be upset that I left so abruptly this morning. You were still doing a good job. Its just that I've got things to do, meetings and the like. I know, I know, its no excuse for leaving the way I did. But we've got a good thing going. You're comfy and warm. Maybe tonight I'll drop by a little bit early. Promise you're not mad?

Dear Clock,

Six words - bite me bite me bite me! You're not the boss of me, you with your loud, annoying whine. I tell you to shut up but ten minutes later you start in with the nagging again. If I had it my way, I'd take you out into a cold, secluded field on a dark night and Office Space your ass. You've been warned. You're on my list.

Dear Head,

First, what's up with the weird dreams? Flashbacks to my high school gym are bad enough without people punting condiment-drenched fruit at the basketball hoops. Perhaps more twisted is the fact that, in the dream, I recall wearing half of a massive cantaloupe on my head. What's up with that, brain? Oh, and yes, I know - Stacy's mom's got it going on. Enough already!

Posted by Chris at March 16, 2005 07:36 AM

bwahaha. nice dreams you got there.

now i must go off and apologize to my bed too. :\

Posted by: Maureen at March 16, 2005 07:59 AM

:) - I have been having really weird dreams myself lately... hmmmm.

Posted by: Amber at March 16, 2005 08:07 AM

Wow. I just had a weird flashback to a dream I had last night. They were giving an award to someone I work with, but they were playing "Stacy's Mom" as her entrance music. And even in dream mode, I was wondering why the hell that was happening.

I think Fountains of Wayne is infiltrating the motherboard. Abort! Abort!

Posted by: Daria at March 16, 2005 08:17 AM

It must be the month of weird dreams, because I've had some doozies lately.

Posted by: Oliquig at March 16, 2005 08:25 AM

It's in the air. Maybe something in retrograde, who knows?

As for the bed, my new one and I are spending a lot of time together buidling a relationship. I think I'm in love.

Posted by: Autumn at March 16, 2005 08:44 AM

Yes, my Mom DOES have it goin' on, but, um, dude? For you to talk about it? Gross...

Posted by: Stacy at March 16, 2005 08:46 AM

I feel like you've written all my letters for the day for me. Uh, except for the cantaloupe and basketball thing. No more tequilla before bed, Chris.

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at March 16, 2005 09:48 AM

My bed probably hates me because I get up abrubtly too. But not because of meetings - because of one noisy cat who will not stop calling you until she is fed, and two dogs doing the potty dance. Today would've been the perfect day to sleep in's all rainy and cold and gross out today. *sigh*

My only weird (or rather gross/creepy) dream I've had lately was Monday night - we got our puppy fixed Monday morning and I dreamt that she pulled her stitches loose and her insides fell out. Ewww! I was so creeped out that I got up and checked on her. She of course was fine. I wonder if Beth is starting to have baby dreams like this? (Maybe not as extreme though.)

Posted by: Kitty at March 16, 2005 09:50 AM

Yes, it's definitely your wit that keeps me coming back for more.

If you find you can't get it all out with your clock, you can certainly have my bitchy one.

Posted by: Anne at March 16, 2005 10:03 AM

Has Beth taken your tempurature today? I am a little concerned about your mental well being...
Maybe you need to lie down with a gym sock on your forehead and a salt lick near by....some smelling salts too just in case. You need to take it easy dear...I am concerned...Have you eaten today? Did you shower last night? Did you eat garlic before bed? Oye me.

Posted by: Jade at March 16, 2005 10:45 AM

See, I never dream about me, so my dreams are even more confusing...

Let's go convince everyone that tomorrow is a federal holiday and we should all get the day off. After all, it's St. Patrick's Day!

Posted by: alektra at March 16, 2005 10:52 AM

Dude, did you have the dream about riding around inside a giant doughnut with my friend Jenny's parents too? I've had that one a couple of times. Weird!

...and can we see a video of the "Office Spacing" of the clock? I could live vicariously through you as you pound the alarm. Please!! You can even use my bat if you need!

Posted by: Gweny at March 16, 2005 10:55 AM

'you are not the boss of me' heh heh.

Posted by: laura at March 16, 2005 11:03 AM

Dear Chris,

Thanks for the earworm plug!

Fountains of Wayne

Posted by: Coleen at March 16, 2005 11:49 AM

So, what time for the "Office Spacing?" I will be there. I have a clock I'd like to bring along too...

Posted by: supine at March 16, 2005 12:36 PM

Oh man, that song is totally in my head now. I'm trying to mentally "Office Space" it from my brain, but it ain't working. Augh!

Posted by: SpaceCase at March 16, 2005 12:42 PM

my bed is quite effective and not letting me leave, in the morning. and in sucking me in whenever i walk to close to it. if anything, my bed owes ME an apology. if it wants new egyptian cotton jersey knit sheets, SOMEONE has to bring in some money.

Posted by: jodi at March 16, 2005 12:49 PM

Let me know if that stern letter to your clock works. If so, my alarm clock will be receiving some hate mail tonight.

And the cantaloupe was clearly some type of head gear forced on you by your gym teacher.

Posted by: smartjuice at March 16, 2005 12:57 PM

i totally relate to the discussion with the clock.....

Posted by: miss macy at March 16, 2005 02:09 PM

Some how my alarm clock figured out how to set the snooze from 10 minutes to 6 minutes. My clock is so on parole right now. It might get accidently left behind on our move. Or I might take it out to a nice farm some where and let it run around in the grassy fields with my childhood dog.

Posted by: myllissa at March 16, 2005 02:10 PM

That is hilarious. Good times.

Posted by: Chris at March 16, 2005 02:48 PM

yeah the alarm blows, to top that off some doodie head's car alarm kept going off this morning at 5 o'clock!!!!!! that was when i was trying to sneak that last "snooze" in, too, damn it!!! maybe the melon on you head was from having the produce sticker on you forehead? i dunno, maybe you're just cooky!!!

Posted by: lizabetty at March 16, 2005 03:04 PM

woops, the sticker was on your nose, my bad.

Posted by: lizabetty at March 16, 2005 03:05 PM

My alarm clock does it's snooze thing in five minute intervals. But where some clocks stop snoozing after say 6 rotations, mine will snooze forever. You can just keep snoozing every five minutes Oh and I seriously will.

As for dreams? I can't remember the last time I had one. I just do not remember them. Wish I would. Because when I do they are seriously confused. And I just said seriously far too many times in one comment. Seriously.

Posted by: Keri at March 16, 2005 03:10 PM

A cantaloupe?


I'm not even touching that one.

Posted by: Jeff A at March 16, 2005 03:58 PM

aren't dreams FANTASTIC!!??

it's like watching some weird abstract film that your mind concocted. I love 'em!

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at March 16, 2005 04:20 PM

But you ALWAYS have weird things on your head. What makes this any different?

Posted by: Broad at March 16, 2005 04:23 PM

So were the condiments soaking the fruit anything in particular? Cause whether it's ketchup, mustard or relish...I mean that could just have totally different meanings in the dream over all. As for the cantaloupe...I have yet to find anything in dream dictionary that specifically covers cantaloupe. Dear Cactus you may need professional help on that one. lol

Posted by: groovebunny at March 16, 2005 05:06 PM stacy's mom is stuck in my head...great. Just when I got rid of the son of a preacher man.

Posted by: Amy at March 16, 2005 06:27 PM

Great. Fountains Of Wayne mixed with the "damn, it feels good to be a gangsta" song from Office Space stuck in my head at the same time. It's a weird thing. And thanks to the comment before mine, "Son Of A Preacher Man" keeps popping in here and there. I'm leaving now, before any irreparable damage is done due to genre overload.

Posted by: noodge at March 16, 2005 09:58 PM

YOu truly crack me UP lol!!!

Posted by: Nina at March 16, 2005 10:40 PM

dream analysis: fruit is a sign of growth, abundance, and financial good fortune (but I'm wondering if punting and wearing fruit qualifies you here?); being in a gym suggests you need to apply things you've recently learned in a situation into the rest of your daily life; playing basketball means you'll need the cooperation of others to achieve your goals (but again...with the fruit...?); seeing a basketball (did you?)suggests you need to make the first move in a situation and/or you need to concentrate or focus more on a, does this make sense to you?

Posted by: Wildcat at March 17, 2005 12:42 AM

Dear Rude C,

I am not mad, I am your bed for christ's sake. We've been together 8 hours a day..12 more on weekends, of course I forgive you.

Love, Bed

Dear Rude C,

Yeah youse ticked me off too!! I am going to be by Mr. Bed, harassing him and you every morning!

Regards, CLock

Dear Rude C.,

it is the Ipod hat on your head. It's a secret transmitter, you are being watched by aliens.

Hi, Was that CORNY OR WHAT?!

(Mrs. Mogul)

Posted by: mrsmogul at March 17, 2005 02:36 PM