March 24, 2005

Turning Uncool Doesn't Happen Overnight

I've had some uncool days in my time. Like the time I landed myself in the emergency room because of a freak ice-cream accident. Then that day I was moving a bookshelf and put it right through the bedroom window of the apartment we were renting. Or the time I borrowed my parents car to run out for cigarettes and wrapped the front end around a concrete barrier. I should probably mention that I was 14 at the time and it wasn't so much "borrowing". Oh, and I was actually trying to breakdance in my house the other night. That was pretty uncool. There are more but I don't want to completely embarrass myself and blow all my great uncool stories in one shot. Anyway, that doesn't compare to the uncoolness I felt recently when I bought...a station wagon. That might truly be, The Day I Turned Uncool.

You see, I'll be bidding my old car a fond farewell this afternoon. And I'm fine with that...and I love the new wagon. It's not exactly as though my old Honda Accord screamed "devil-may-care stud" but a wagon, albeit a sleek, finely crafted German wagon, just seems so...responsible!

Anyway, to my point. I've never named a car before. Really. And that should probably change. So, what should I name my new, champagne-colored VW Jetta wagon? It has to be cool.

First 10 from today's playlist...Hey Julie (Fountains of Wayne), First Day of My Life (Bright Eyes), The Answering Machine (Marillion), Stryofoam Plates (Deathcab for Cutie), Border Song (Elton John), Feels Like Home (Chantal Kreviazuk), Sweet Soul Sister (The Cult), Brother (Pearl Jam), First Wave Intact (The Secret Machines), Rest Will Flow (Porcupine Tree)

Posted by Chris at March 24, 2005 08:19 AM

you can still be cool. cos now you're a dad, so you have more leeway. ;)

Posted by: alektra at March 24, 2005 08:45 AM

Ah! The naming of cars. Tinkerbell in High School followed by Grimace and now Wannabe (wants to be a different car when she grows up).

I strongly believe that a car, like children and pets, name themselves over time. You have to get to know the personality, the quirks, that jene se qua-ness.

Thankfully, babies and pets reveal these faster than cars... otherwise there would be a lot of people that would be "Baby X" until they turned 18.

Posted by: SueBec at March 24, 2005 09:22 AM

i dont know, i can't think of anything cool enough, if i do i'll come back and let ya know :)

Posted by: lizabetty at March 24, 2005 09:25 AM

A cool name for your German car....Rickenbacher. If you find out it's a girl car we'll have to rethink this.

Posted by: Cindy at March 24, 2005 10:27 AM

I never named my of now they're classified as "the red car" and "the gray car"...that's what my son has classified them as.

Hey, as a father to be, (and extremely creative mind), how would you answer the 4 year old's question of "where does the Easter Bunny live"???!!!!

Santa's easy...the Easter Bunny?!

Posted by: Randi at March 24, 2005 10:51 AM

Generally, I'm against naming cars. But since you asked... Taskmaster, Brutus or to go another way, Korbel, Moet, Bollinger. ;-P~~~

And Randi, the Easter Bunny obviously lives in the 100 Acre Wood, while the tooth fairy lives in Neverland with Tinkerbell. ;-)

Posted by: Bond Girl at March 24, 2005 11:00 AM

How about Spike. You know being the Cactus mobile and all...

Posted by: Milly at March 24, 2005 11:08 AM

How about Jagger? Jagger the Jetta Wagon?

Or Jackson? Action Jackson?

I feel strongly that it should be a name/car model alliteration.

Posted by: Mirella at March 24, 2005 11:19 AM

You want uncool? My wife and I are TALKING MINIVANS. I actually heard myself say, "I think I want a Nissan Quest."

Posted by: Jason at March 24, 2005 11:23 AM

Since it is champagne colored you should name it Shammy or Shampy. :D Of course...I really would have to drive it to name it....

My Rav4 has a name...DORIS...

Posted by: Amy at March 24, 2005 11:28 AM

Hey, you may feel responsible now that you're driving a wagon, but remember - you can load up the Jetta with all your rockstar gear and cruise around.

My cars were Chippie (POS '87 Accord), Lexie ('91 Accord) and currently Camie ('97 Camry). I don't think I should help you name your car because I'll just think of cute names and nothing cool. I don't think you want to name your Jetta 'Jennie' or anything like that. ;p

Posted by: Kitty at March 24, 2005 11:37 AM

My car's name is Betsy. She's a four door hatchback, one of the hybridy type ones that are part wagon/part SUV/part hatchback. Bought because I so needed a for door car, because getting Goose (I used to babysit her twice a week) out of the backseat was a major pain. So at the age of 23, single with no kids, I bought a "wagon." There is no need to feel uncool.

My first thought when it came to your car was M. From James Bond, I think it was the champange/gold/European/cool thing that brought me there. So my idea is M or Emme, or Em whatever!

Posted by: Oliquig at March 24, 2005 11:41 AM

Bert. Plain and simple.

Posted by: tonya at March 24, 2005 11:43 AM

'Fraulein', ist gut cherman namen.
dominating, but schveet, nein?

Posted by: lissa at March 24, 2005 11:46 AM

Hey, I have three kids and drive a mini-van, and I am WAY cool. You'll get your cool back. Don't worry.

Do you know about this?

Posted by: jen at March 24, 2005 12:07 PM

My first car was a little red escort I called "Sammy." Probably not a cool name, but I thought it was cute. I also named my in-laws' old van "Lucy" from the I Love Lucy TV show. Not only was she unpredictable like Lucy, but the first to letters on the plates were LU. Hm, what else? Oh, we called our old Geo Metro "The Neo Geo." Now *there's* an attempt to make something uncool cool. I don't think we fooled anyone.

Posted by: Spring at March 24, 2005 12:26 PM

since you asked, I will share with you my car naming formula. It started when my mom sold me her Taurus, which was fully loaded with so much extra stuff, I thought I was in car heaven. She was The Powder Blue Princess Comfort Cruiser. [all my cars are created for princesses, you'll have to figure out what archetype your car is built for]

After I totaled the Taurus, yay jodi, I got a black neon. She was not as comfortable and roomy. She was Effie, the pitch black princess 'portation pod.

Then I sold her and got my champagne colored nissan maxima. Back up into the Comfort Cruiser realm. Lola the sparkling gold Princess Comfort Cruiser.

Name + adjective describing color + color + archetype + type of car.

Posted by: jodi at March 24, 2005 12:35 PM

Gunther!! LOL :))

Posted by: Sweety at March 24, 2005 01:09 PM

Oooops laughing at my own jokes... how's that for uncool? :)

Posted by: Sweety at March 24, 2005 01:10 PM

I always name my cars. My current Jetta is gray and her name is GiGi-- short for the Gray Goose. My last one was navy and she was Rocky, short for Raquel.

Yours is champagne and a wagon...hmmmm...Moet? Chandon? Perignon--could call it Perry. ;)

Posted by: amy at March 24, 2005 01:27 PM

Obviously, it should be the Beanettemobile. It's really fun to say 5 times fast.

Posted by: ms.quilty at March 24, 2005 01:31 PM

It's not what you drive it's how you drive it. ;) Actually, once you have a family of your own, you move into a different category of coolness that only those who have families can appreciate.

Posted by: groovebunny at March 24, 2005 01:35 PM

I agree with SueBec that the car eventually names itself. You just have to drive around in the car for a while and see what inspiration strikes you. It could be completely unrelated to its being champagne colored or German.

Our new silver Santa Fe is also in a naming process. The first time we went for a drive, Brandon banged his knee on the steering wheel. So I think the car should be named (Knee Cap) Buster, or some kind of mob-type name...

And my royal blue 96 Corolla is Merlin the Magician.

Posted by: Oakley at March 24, 2005 01:52 PM

Man, I hate that things like that are starting to happen. What happened to those days when I was 19 going crazy in a mosh pit and not worrying about work or a relationship! In the words of John Mayer, "I wish I was 6 again."

Posted by: Chris at March 24, 2005 02:18 PM

Why don't you name your car "BOLLI", short for Bollinger since it's champagne colored.

Posted by: mrsmogul at March 24, 2005 03:13 PM

Jacque? Vaughn? Schmidt? Or maybe Count something something?

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 24, 2005 03:36 PM

Ive never named a car before either.
But maybe if I had a Jetta Id call it Jet:)

Posted by: butterflies at March 24, 2005 04:24 PM

Elton or Wayne

Posted by: Busy Mom at March 24, 2005 04:59 PM

Well, I don't know about the name, but as far as having a wagon... at least it isn't a MINIVAN I think that people lose half of their driving ability as soon as they sit behind the wheel of a minivan. They could be great drivers while in a car or truck, but they lose it once they start driving a van.

Posted by: Matt at March 24, 2005 06:05 PM


Definitely Jeeves.

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at March 24, 2005 06:45 PM

Cars name themselves after a while.

Also, don't worry about being uncool in a wagon, because sometimes, wagons kick ass. Dodge Magnum = kicks ass. I would imagine that Jetta wagon = kicks ass as well.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2005 06:53 PM

Marty, the Mo Betta Jetta?

You can be cool AND responsible all at one time. You still got a cool car....I'd worry if you bought a Volvo :)

Posted by: Kellie at March 24, 2005 07:42 PM

My boyfriend is horrified, horrified I tell you, that I don't name my cars. His is Rocky, or The Rockster, if he's feeling like a dork. I don't know, dude. You're asking the wrong person.

Posted by: Heather at March 24, 2005 07:46 PM

I've never named a car, except I called my old car the piece of crap, which I think is more descriptive than a name. My new car is still called the new car. Not much help am I heehee!
I was looking for a wagon, but the used ones usually go out of the lot the day they come in!

Posted by: Nina at March 24, 2005 08:26 PM

The Jammin' Jetta

Posted by: DaFFy at March 24, 2005 09:24 PM

Jetta's and Volkswagons are cool enough to make up for the stationwagon part. I don't have kids and if I were to get another Volkswagon (mine died last year *sniff*) I would consider the one you got. Kids Dogs all the same when you are carting them and the crap that goes with them around. Nice choice.

Posted by: Michelle at March 24, 2005 09:47 PM


Posted by: laura at March 25, 2005 11:21 AM

I don't offense there Mr. Cactus, but I view a wagon very much more uncool than the minivan we just bought! LMAO Still love ya tho!

A name?
No clue. Never named my cars. Not good at names anyways, look at my children!?

Posted by: Jade at March 25, 2005 12:14 PM

I'm not clever enough to come up with car names.

My husband's truck is appropriately but not so cutely named "The One That Everyone Calls To Borrow When They Need To Move Or Buy A Big Appliance"

And we refer to my Jeep as "The Gas Guzzler Which We Only Think Of Replacing In The Summer" - cause when the rain and snow comes, no regrets.

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at March 26, 2005 04:42 PM


Posted by: jessica at March 27, 2005 04:37 AM