March 29, 2005

Indications Your Day Is Done

Are you unsure when the productive portion of the day is over and its time to go home? Here are four of the many indications that your day's done:

You overhear someone in the hallway exclaim, "this team needs an enema!" While, from a technical standpoint, you understand such a statement, the implications are unclear. You do, however, know that you don't want to be around should it actually come to fruition.

You've just popped another piece of gum into your mouth. Its the 12th of the day. You begin wondering if there's such a thing as "gum poisoning" but you're pretty sure there's not. You begin to consider it exercise...a jaw workout, if you will. You're going to have the best looking, well-defined jaw on the block.

You've memorized all the headlines on More importantly, you've realized how few of them actually make sense. "Ten players to watch" is hardly specific enough to impart any information. "Thief steals UC-Berkeley laptop" isn't news unless UC-Berkeley only has one laptop in which case what kinda sorry-ass school is that? "Visible storage catches on in museums" isn't ground-breaking either. You've been using visible storage for years, you think. And personally, you always hate running into those stealth filing cabinets so its about damn time!

You're listening to the 96th song in your randomly shuffled iPod playlist. "Less Than You Think" by Wilco, if you're at all curious. As if this weren't enough, and despite your horrible fear of numbers, calculators and that whole thing called "math" you started running the numbers. At four minutes per song (an average), you've listened to 384 minutes of music. According to your laptop, you've been at work for 8 hours and 37 minutes, for a total of 517 minutes. You have, therefore, been listening to music for all but 133 minutes of your stay at work, thus determining your percentage rate for iPod consumption (PRICk) to be 76%.

If you meet any of these four criteria then its time to go home...especially if your PRICk is bigger than mine.

Posted by Chris at March 29, 2005 03:51 PM

"Ten Players to Watch" was only too vague for you because of the eye-catching headline directly BELOW it.

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 29, 2005 03:55 PM

"thus determining your percentage rate for iPod consumption (PRICk) to be 76%.

If you meet any of these four criteria then its time to go home...especially if your PRICk is bigger than mine."

oh my god, this totally made me laugh out loud. and all my co-workers to ask me what was so funny. so i told them, "I'm just reading about Chris's PRICk."

and now they tell me that i have to have a meeting with HR.

Posted by: jodi at March 29, 2005 03:58 PM


Posted by: Sue at March 29, 2005 04:05 PM

What about "hitting the Refresh button on your Yahoo browser every five minutes in the hopes that someone - a spouse, friend, relative, porn spammer, Niles Ubikwe (President of the United Bank of Zimbabwe) - has sent you an email"?

Posted by: Jason at March 29, 2005 04:09 PM

I am volunteering to help those in need find their PRICk size. Just email me the needed information, visuals helpful :)

Posted by: Lori at March 29, 2005 04:12 PM

Well then, I guess I shall be going. See you later!

Posted by: Jeff A at March 29, 2005 04:25 PM

How long did it take you to arrange this post so you could end with that punchline?

Well done, my man. Well done.

Posted by: jen at March 29, 2005 04:44 PM

You had me at "enema."

Posted by: Dr. Johnny Fever at March 29, 2005 05:30 PM

where do you come up with this stuff? (i.e. PRICk) lol

Posted by: tiffanie at March 29, 2005 05:38 PM


They've got the radio blasting at work all day long, so I'm pretty sure my RACk (Radio Activity Consumption) is bigger than your PRICk.


Posted by: Iki at March 29, 2005 06:08 PM

CNN headlines totally suck. I thought "10 Players to Watch" was going to be about the Final Four. I was misled. I also enjoy how they will sometimes put articles like "Third-Grader Rides Mule to School in North Dakota" on their front page.

I love your blog, btw. Also participated in the previous "Book" survey on my blog. :)

Posted by: susannah at March 29, 2005 06:17 PM

Read the punchline by accident before I read the fourth item and was taken aback a little. I thought a challenge to my manhood had been issued. Then I read more, and all is good now.

Posted by: smartjuice at March 29, 2005 06:58 PM

How about if you're reading a blog that says "popped another piece of gum in your mouth" and you read: "pooped another piece of gum in your mouth"?

Posted by: Jessa at March 29, 2005 08:43 PM

I think my RACK can outdo Iki's RACK for today. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going in late, so hers will be bigger than mine.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 29, 2005 09:12 PM

Jessa and I totally had the same problem!!! I guess it was that whole enema thing with the first item!

Posted by: Keri at March 29, 2005 10:57 PM

So that's what all those spam mailings were really about! Size does matter!

Posted by: Sepra at March 29, 2005 11:34 PM

LMAO...there couldn't have been a better finishing line on that one! Well done!

Posted by: Wildcat at March 30, 2005 12:58 AM

I just heard this morning that chewing gum burns 11 calories an hour...chew for a mere 10 hours a day, and by the end of the year you'll be 11 lbs lighter. Then you can write a book, and market your new diet fad and be rich and famous.

I expect full props on the inside flap.

Posted by: dorothy at March 30, 2005 10:06 AM

Okay that was too funny!!! GET OUT NOW before the enema's start...and um the prick thing? not only do I not have an ipod...but I don't have one of those either LOL

Posted by: Nina at March 30, 2005 10:52 AM

For real, Chris... 76% PRICk? How long did it take for you to come up with that one? I've decided that you have officially spent too much time at work based solely on the fact that you came up with the acronym PRICk. You and your acronyms.... ;)

Posted by: myllissa at March 30, 2005 01:05 PM