July 05, 2005

Reason #9,573 Why I'm Worried About My Parenting Skills

I want The Bean to know my voice by the time she comes into this world. Beth's? Well, they hang out together all day. But me? Not so much. So, I've started reading to her in the evenings. Or, rather, I've started reading to Beth's belly...and showing it the pictures.

Over the weekend, I picked up Guess How Much I Love You, crawled into bed with Beth and started reading. If you've never had the pleasure, this is a fine little book all about a daddy rabbit and his baby rabbit. Touching. Meaninful. Tender. Well, not if I have anything to say about it.

See, the key players here are Big Nutbrown Hare (the dad) and Little Nutbrown Hare (the baby bunny). On page two, my crass, inner 12 year-old kicked in. So these happy, cute illustrated characters became Big Brown Nut-hair and Little Brown Nut-hair. See what I did there? I'm going to be a stunning parent. And? I'm so going to hell.

Posted by Chris at July 5, 2005 07:22 AM

Chris, I thought it was so funny I was ROFL. We all need to remember what it is like to be a horny teenager so that maybe we won't kill our children. Have a good "Monday" or is that Tuesday.

BTW, I got moved in and pictures will be posted once I unpack all the boxes!

Posted by: goodsnake at July 5, 2005 07:28 AM

i was completely petrified about becoming a parent. because i am such a flake sometimes. But amazingly, its fine. You will be a creative and fun pop. And hopefully you can get to drive a red sports car at 89! (that guy and his wife must be amazing people)

Posted by: melanie at July 5, 2005 07:35 AM

We wore through our copy of Guess How Much I Love You on our first two kids and had to get a second copy for the next pair and you know, not once did they ever become big or little Nut-hairs... so yes, you are going to hell!!

Posted by: Amber at July 5, 2005 07:55 AM

Kudos - Dad

Posted by: cassie-b at July 5, 2005 08:06 AM

As long as you don't read her the book "I'll Love You Forever". It was a shower gift when I was pregnant with my first baby. That book, while well-intentioned, is simply about stalking and over-protecting your children. The woman who gave it to me just raved how she read it to her boys over and over. This same woman helped sponge bathe her son when he broke his leg -- he was 17. Ick.

Posted by: angela marie at July 5, 2005 08:07 AM

Nut-hair aside, you are so cute! I can't believe you show the pictures to Beth's belly. That's one lucky Bean she's got growing in there.

Posted by: s. at July 5, 2005 08:21 AM

Laugh now, buddy. In a couple more months you won't be able to read that book without a tear in your eye.

When my niece was born, I recorded a CD of me reading books so she'd know my voice. One book that I chose was 'The Runaway Bunny'. It took four takes before I could get through the phrase, "I will become the wind and blow you". Because I'm twelve.

Posted by: Stacy at July 5, 2005 09:30 AM

Funny you should say that....my co-worker was attending a pre-natal class and the teacher decided to read Guess How Much I Love You. Yep, you guessed it, she read out loud little brown nut-hair. Apparently she didn't realize what she had said and my co-worker and her husband felt like they were back in 5th grade, giggling at the teacher.

Posted by: Dooneybug at July 5, 2005 09:40 AM

Dont feel bad, just explain to your kid (like I did ours) that he has no chance, ever, of being normal. But that we will be happy to show him how much fun weird can be.

Posted by: That Girl at July 5, 2005 09:58 AM

luckily the bean won't be able to understand anything you say for awhile. by the time she can, all the dirty looks you'll have gotten from passerbys should've done the trick ;)

Posted by: laura at July 5, 2005 10:14 AM

What Amber forgot to mention is that I have the Big & Little Nut Brown Hare soft toys. Little hare has velcro on his paws so he can hold on to his daddy anywhere. I used to keep them in my office at work... I am such a wuss.

Posted by: zeno at July 5, 2005 10:48 AM

You are too cute. And so is Beth, of course.

Posted by: ava at July 5, 2005 11:29 AM

BTW, just wanted to let you know that you rock.


Posted by: carrster at July 5, 2005 11:38 AM

I am suppose to tell you that you rock....Well, You Rock!

Posted by: alfredsmom at July 5, 2005 11:49 AM

Ha! You are going to hell! That's hilarious! And just exactly perfect!

Posted by: Jen at July 5, 2005 11:53 AM

i am so happy that you'll be in hell! all the cool kids are going to be there. we are going to have so much fun.

Posted by: jodi at July 5, 2005 11:55 AM

Also - I hear you're a good driver (or something.

Have a good day.

Posted by: cassie-b at July 5, 2005 12:22 PM

You rock. Having a pregnant wife is hard, we hear.

And I'm thinking that this is a good time to buy all those CDs you may want. She probably wouldn't fuss, since she's been a tad bit grouchy.

But she's really sorry. And really, really pregnant.

Posted by: samantha at July 5, 2005 12:31 PM

Nice thing is we will all be in Hell with you for thinking it is funny.

Posted by: Beanhead at July 5, 2005 01:09 PM

omg, too funny! don't feel bad, Chris...that author was OBVIOUSLY trying to confuse people by naming his characters as such. HE'S going to hell!

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at July 5, 2005 01:10 PM

I've already started talking to my belly. Hello? How are you today? Wanna read the comics? You'll be a sick parent, that's for sure.

Posted by: mrsmogul at July 5, 2005 01:13 PM

BTW I am supposed to let you know you ROCK!!

Posted by: Beanhead at July 5, 2005 01:13 PM

you are the best driver ever! my work is done here!

Posted by: 2faced at July 5, 2005 01:39 PM

You are the BEST daddy! How cute are you that you show the pictures, too?!

Little brown nut hair? That is soooo bad! And if that is so bad, why am I still hysterical over it?! I shall surely burn for finding it hysterical!

Posted by: zanie at July 5, 2005 01:42 PM

And? You rock and you are an awesome driver and I don't find you hot at all! ;)

Posted by: zanie at July 5, 2005 01:44 PM

Wait until you get to "Run Away Bunny"...It's kind of scary how the mom bunny does all of these things to "find" the baby bunny including fishing for him and blowing him...I'm just saying...! I love Good Night Moon.

Posted by: Laurie at July 5, 2005 01:52 PM

reason # 402 not to have children - Likelihood Chris will read them naughty bedtime stories.

Posted by: autumn at July 5, 2005 02:20 PM

So not going to hell.

But if for some petty reason you end up there? Look me up, will you?

(How else do you think the rest of us get through reading these stories over and over and over again without channeling our inner 12-year-olds?)

Posted by: Betsy at July 5, 2005 02:21 PM

But I hear you are a fabulous driver!

Posted by: Jazzy at July 5, 2005 02:35 PM

Your wife said I had to tell you that you were cool or hot or something. I guess you are taking some hormonal abuse. Sorry to hear that. It won't be long. Notice has been served.


Posted by: Jef at July 5, 2005 02:42 PM

Oh, I feel so much better after reading your post and the comments. MUCH better. I thought we were the only ones...

My husband reads to our daughter- that's their thing (in other words, stay away wife- this one I can handle). My husband giggles every time the "blow you" part comes up in Runaway Bunny, and there have been more than one references to nuts after reading Guess How Much I love You. Not in front of the kid. I think.

And for the first time ever, I admit I'm twelve too, whenever I have to read the "blow you" part, and no one has called Social Services on us yet.

You'll be just fine- kids need to know their parents are dirty-minded fools too. It gives them something to tell their therapists about later.

Posted by: Bonanza Jellybean at July 5, 2005 02:49 PM

Chris, you rock and I pullin' for ya buddy.

Posted by: Annie at July 5, 2005 03:01 PM

You will be a fabulous parent, just like me. Much to the horror of other parents with children the same age as mine, my boys' (age 3 & 5) favorite movies are The Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended versions) and their favorite band is Outkast. Oh yeah, and The Wiggles.

Posted by: Amy at July 5, 2005 03:12 PM

Hey Chris, just a quick note to tell you how much I look forward to checking in with you during the day. I'm having so much fun keeping up with you and the (grouchy I hear) Beth. Take care of each other and thanks for letting me peek into your lives a little. You rock!

Posted by: Nic at July 5, 2005 03:18 PM

I have this same book and RSDaddy and I have had the same laugh over the same thing. They had to have been named that on purpose because really, who could have overlooked such a thing?

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at July 5, 2005 03:32 PM

Hi there, I understand that you are an excellent driver. Well done.

Posted by: Anne at July 5, 2005 03:35 PM

I am SO never going to be able to read this book to QuirkyBoy again!

Posted by: QC at July 5, 2005 04:35 PM

I have that book and I now have a whole new take on it. Thanks!


Posted by: meghan at July 5, 2005 05:23 PM

LOL I just read that book to my 2 girls a few days ago!

Posted by: Matt at July 5, 2005 05:43 PM

Beth said to tell you are hot. I always listen to pregnant women so here it is....... YOU ARE HOT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Dee at July 5, 2005 05:58 PM

At least you don't have to read books to a group of SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN, like I do... and have to refrain from rephrasing parts of the story to change it into something that fits better with me and my personality....

Posted by: ironic1 at July 5, 2005 11:33 PM

Awesome book!!! Try Runaway Bunny too...

Posted by: beautiful face at July 6, 2005 02:49 AM

hey p.s.

don't i deserve to be on your blogroll?

i have audioslave, coldplay, aqualung and foo fighters in my car too!!

Posted by: beautiful face at July 6, 2005 02:52 AM

one you are exactly the kind of father I want to find for my children.
two I am still laughing
and three I will SOOOO see you in hell. We can party together :)

Posted by: stinkerbell at July 6, 2005 04:54 AM

i think you're a very good driver. also, you're a very suave and virile man.

there, my good deed for the day!

Posted by: averil at July 6, 2005 06:42 AM

You're hot. I was told not to say it but I couldn't help myself. Next experience of fatherhood the jealous Prego Wife! Good luck with that!

Try some Sandra Boynton Books. She's cool.

Posted by: Liesl at July 6, 2005 08:01 AM

If you love the GHMILY book, go to mmsdesigns.com. Yes, that's where I used to work and I won't elaborate again about my experience there, but they have GHMILY stuff.

Now, you can't order straight from them, but click at the top to find a retailer near you. You can ask the shop to special order something for you (like one of the two invitation/announcement cards they have in that print for The Bean's arrival) or you can get a child's stool personalized with her name on it. Check it out, I think you'll like it.

Posted by: kitty at July 6, 2005 11:29 AM

You are a rude individual, Chris. But it still a great story. :)

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at July 6, 2005 01:41 PM

Cosmo Boy used to read Sierra "Oh Baby - The Places You Will Go" by Dr. Seuss - she seems to have heard him 'cause she smirks whenever he reads any Dr Seuss book to her now. Keep it up - I'm sure it's working!

Posted by: Marie at July 6, 2005 06:23 PM

i know that book...that is too funny!! i'll never be able to read it the same way again!

Posted by: lizabetty at July 6, 2005 09:55 PM


i'm slow on the uptake

i finally "got" the brown hair, nut hair, thing...

too slow...but the laugh is extra loud right now

Posted by: beautiful face at July 7, 2005 02:07 AM

You need to add "Walter the Farting Dog" to your collection. Then you can say "fart" and it will be okay because it's in the book. It's a bit funnier for boys because they seem more gas-obssessed, but my girls think it's hysterical. And it has a nice moral about how it's good to be yourself!

Posted by: Laura at July 7, 2005 05:51 PM