August 15, 2005

Peeling Back The Layers...Like An Onion, Baby!

The lovely and talented Bluepoppy tagged me. My task, should I choose to accept it (which, apparently, I have)? Write about five idiosyncrasies. My immediate reaction? Just five? How can I possibly choose five from the many hundreds of thousands of quirks I've got? But I soldiered on and came up with these.

1. My Weird Food Thing. I'll eat pretty much everything, except for anything that might conceivably put up a fight should I decide to try and catch it. This rules out animals and unusually spirted bunches of broccoli. I've unwittingly consumed the nether regions of pigs and the genetalia of cows. I'm one of the rare people who says they like caviar and actually means it. And yet, leave something in the fridge for more than a week and I'm pretty convinced it'll kill me. I'm rigid in my enforcement of sell-by dates and as suspicious of left-overs as McCarthy was the Reds.

2. You're talking about me, aren't you? I'm kinda paranoid. But not for the usual reasons. I'm a successful guy. I've got a fantastic wife, a lovely daughter, a new window office, a job requiring a lot of responsibility that everyone seems to think I'm good at. I can play a guitar, snap a good picture, construct a decent sentence, deconstruct a novel, speak in public, entertain myself in private...and yet I'm constantly convinced that I am, in fact, a miserable failure. When I kick back and think about it - logically and rationally - I know its not the case. But still.

3. What do I write on that "pay to the order of" line again? I manage large projects with big budgets and yet I can barely pay bills and balance a checkbook. This stems from the fact that I suck at math. You see, I went to a very private, very religious elementary school. It was all god, all the time. And apparently god didn't care about math because there was certainly none of that. I was eventually able to convey to my parents how terrible the school was and, during fourth grade, they pulled me out and sent me to the local public school. The second day there, our teacher stood in front of the class and said today, we're going to learn more about fractions, a comment which prompted me to raise my hand and ask what are fractions? I graduated high school with a 3.0 GPA in spite of the fact that I failed algebra...twice. So, yes, I blame god for not being good with money or math. Well, god and the fact that I just spend money like its going out of style.

4. I'm not superstitious...knock on wood. I listen to the same radio show on the way home everyday. I have to listen to the traffic report. If I get home and they're just starting with the traffic report, I have to sit there and listen to it. When I unlock my car using the remote entry thingy, I must hit the unlock button four times. Not three or five. Four. The shower sequence is very important as well - you have to wash your hair first, then your body or else all the soapy glop from the hair ends up all over you and you have to rise off again. Oh, and toilet paper should go over the top, not dangle down from the back of the roll. Shut up. I'm sure you have weird stuff too.

5. I cannot tell a lie. I've been told that I'm a well-spoken guy and I like to think that's true (except for occasional onsets of #2 - uh, #2 here not guys are just sick). But I can't lie to save my life - my face just gives it all away. I'd make a lousy poker player. I suck at keeping secrets. Surprises aren't easy to hide and I'm terrible at deception. And yet, sometimes, I still try which invariably backfires. Although, I did convince a coworker a while back that I was actually from China (I was trying to make a point after he made a slur against someone we work with who he didn't think was "Indian enough"). I even rattled off sentences in completely made up Chinese. I'm still proud of myself for that one.

Tag time. I hereby pass this off to anyone who wants to take a shot. But specifically, I'd like to see what Laura, Kate, Jodi, and Carrster come up with!

Posted by Chris at August 15, 2005 07:34 AM

i'm with you on the shower and TP thing... it can be no other way! one time, i tried putting the TP the other way due to significant other's request, and i couldn't poop for a week and i got hemorrhoids. too much info? probably. but now you know, don't F with the TP direction.

Posted by: misifoota at August 15, 2005 08:23 AM

Wow, you don't really seem paranoid or insecure...not that you seem cocky or anything..but you just don't seem afflicted with that insecurity that 95% of us have.

Yay, you're cool AND you're normal..:*)
I think I need to do the 5 idiosyncrasies too! That is when I catch up from reading the 108 unread emails in my inbox (CURSE vacation...LOVE vacation....perplexing)

Posted by: wn at August 15, 2005 08:56 AM

ay yi yi - how to keep it to five is right!!!

check in at lunchtime (CDT, that is) :-)

Posted by: carrster at August 15, 2005 09:35 AM

Paranoid? Maybe not so much. A little OCD? Could be.

But then again, who isn't. (By the way, toilet paper going over is a must. I will switch it even if I am a guest at someone's home. Flipping under is just wrong.)

Posted by: myllissa at August 15, 2005 09:59 AM

God, I love you even more than I did yesterday.

*You* failed Algebra twice... *I* failed Algebra, um, more than twice. But I finally got an A(!) a year ago when I returned to college.

" leave something in the fridge for more than a week and I'm pretty convinced it'll kill me. I'm rigid in my enforcement of sell-by dates and as suspicious of left-overs as McCarthy was the Reds."

Me too! Me too!!

Superstitious much? Hmmm... well, mine might be more OCD, but everything involving numbers must. be. even. Setting the timer for something in the oven? Recipe says five minutes? I set it for four minutes, 48 seconds. Warming up something in the microwave? Two minutes, 28 seconds. Call a number with no answer? Must let the phone ring an even number of times before hanging up. Setting the alarm? Well, you get the idea.

And, yes, I'm honest to a fault. Duh!

My biggest idio? I always have to make it about me. Me, me, me!!! ; )

Posted by: lu at August 15, 2005 11:07 AM

You have lifted, in my short sentence, the shame that has lingered in my life for over 20 years. " I graduated high school with a 3.0 GPA in spite of the fact that I failed algebra...twice."

I failed Algebra II...twice.

But I feel much better, now.... :-)

Posted by: lucy at August 15, 2005 11:08 AM

wha? me? tagged?

Posted by: laura at August 15, 2005 12:50 PM

I just had to swipe this one too, LOL 5 was way too easy, lol I could of gone on and on with these, lolol I am weird! Hehe

Posted by: Tammy at August 15, 2005 01:10 PM

I have that lie problem too. And the shower thing. Not the car thingy with the 4 times, business. I do have to draw the line somewhere.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 15, 2005 02:11 PM

Thank God that God doesn't care about math, because I seriously suck at it too, and i'd hate to not get into heaven because I hate word problems.

I too sucked at Algebra, opting, in Algebra 2, to just drop the class so I wouldn't get a crappy grade and mess up my GPA. Thank goodness for AP classes, my gpa was around a 4.0 when I gradated, math or not.

Posted by: Kelly at August 15, 2005 02:14 PM

Totally with you on the toilet paper-- even to go so far as to switch it over when I'm at someone else's house. They really should know better.

I failed my entrance-algebra test when I started college and was told I had to take it-- for no credit-- before I could take my math/science required courses. Procrastination was my answer to that-- in my junior year they changed the rules and I got full credit plus, it was covered my whole math requirement. Huzzah!

Posted by: bmh at August 15, 2005 02:49 PM

I innocently come here to see how my handsome sweet wonderful friend Chris is got me...well ok I'll play your little game! But you are gonna have to wait until later this evening, I have a "day" ahead of me. I have to go get my blood drawn because I always wait for the last possible minute for EVERYTHING....hey, wait...I may be getting ahead of myself... ;)

Posted by: Kate at August 15, 2005 03:06 PM

You done good, grasshopper! And, the coolest thing? Who knew we were so alike? Fractions and percentages will be the death of me -- that's why I spend money like water-- cause sales just frustrate the hell out of me--- 20% of $97.50? No idea-- just take my plastic and leave me alone.

Posted by: bluepoppy at August 15, 2005 03:31 PM

but they aren't idiosyncrasies.... they are just common sense!

i shall endeavor to do my best!

Posted by: jodi at August 15, 2005 05:48 PM

I knew I liked you so much for a reason! The toilet paper *always* has to go OVER THE TOP. I don't see how anyone can do it any other way ;)

I love the other stuff you wrote but that really stuck out as I argue with many about this little quirk lol.

Posted by: Chrissie at August 15, 2005 06:12 PM

The unluck button thing is hilarious, although I have to admit I do need the toliet paper to go over the top, otherwise it drives me crazy!

Posted by: ava at August 15, 2005 06:29 PM

Dude I think you have obsessive/compulsive disorder lol.

Posted by: dragonlady474 at August 15, 2005 09:03 PM

Totally agree on the TP thing. I dunno why but it drives me batty to have it the other way.

Posted by: Heather at August 15, 2005 09:25 PM

RE #1 - I am so there. If my kids open a yogurt, take a bite and stick it back in the fridge I freak out!! Imagine all the little things growing the the crossing breading cesspools of little boy saliva and LIVE CULTURES!!

And uh...#4 - We like to call thay OCD...they have medications for that ;-)

Posted by: Amy at August 16, 2005 12:16 AM

Oh and P.S. I failed alegbra twice there a club???

Posted by: Kate at August 16, 2005 02:03 AM

I played along at my was harder than I thought to think up five...and I always thought I was quirky !

Posted by: Amy at August 16, 2005 01:38 PM

Idiosyncrasies are what make us special. Everyone has them -- some people just aren't brave enough to talk about them. :)

Posted by: Zandria at August 16, 2005 04:47 PM