August 25, 2005

When Classic Literary Figures Throw Down (And Other Search Strings)

I think I've been reasonably creative all week. Which explains why I've got absolutely nothing this morning. Nada. Zip. Zero. You get the picture. But I did do a recent check of my site stats and once again found some very interesting search strings.

Bob Barker dead. It was that last game of Plinko that did it. Come on down, indeed.

Cats peeing on self. How would that work, exactly? Apparently cats can now subvert the laws of physics? I'd like to see this.

Snore Wife and the Several Dwarfs. The long lost Disney sequel that never quite took off.

Grumpy Pants. That's Mr. Grumpy Pants to you. It's early and I haven't had much coffee. What more do you want from me, people?

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose. Look, I have no clue what this could possibly mean but it sounds like a line from an exceptionally bad prison movie.

Pick me up a magazine Thursday. And tomorrow? Pick me up my dry cleaning Friday on the 2005 Mundane Task-A-Day calendar.

Would a girl care if you had man-boobs? If you have to ask, it's already too late. No woman loves moobs. Lose the man-tits, my friend.

I'm going to die one day. Yes, my friend. We all are. If you beat me to it, say hi to Bob Barker.

Old men in speedo. Is that multiple old men in one Speedo? Or are we lacking proper pluralization skills? Whichever, you're one sick bastard.

I smell dress socks. Ahh, I love the smell of Gold Toes in the morning.

Don't gimme that look you son of a bitch. Hey, its my blog. Fuck off.

Walk the dinosaur. Because if you don't and that thing takes a dump in the house? Damn, you don't want that.

Penis in a hat. I've heard of accessorizing but that seems a little hardcore.

You're not the boss of me, Steinbeck. You don't think so? Just wait till me and Hemingway take your ass out! And don't make me wake up Faulkner. That dude's one wild fucker when he's tired.

Cactus Pete with the fifty feet of hanging meat. This one, well, I think it speaks for itself.

My ass is out of here. Me too.

Posted by Chris at August 25, 2005 08:20 AM

I never get interesting search strings - I shall have to blog something more interesting to attract the loonies of the world...

Posted by: DaFFy at August 25, 2005 08:48 AM

hmmm. what would hat head mean then, if we're talking about penises in hats??

i'll take my answer offline. thank you.

Posted by: pea at August 25, 2005 08:51 AM

Thanks for the giggle first thing this morning!

Posted by: Krush at August 25, 2005 08:57 AM

It puts the lotion on the skin....
Silence of the Lambs.

Posted by: shannon at August 25, 2005 08:58 AM

LOL I love it.

Posted by: Angelia at August 25, 2005 08:59 AM

I get weird search strings as well. People are insane. LOL.

Posted by: Kate at August 25, 2005 09:02 AM

Thanks man. Needed the laugh this morning. My eyes are watering here and people are looking at me funny. Well, fuck em.

Posted by: Mike at August 25, 2005 09:05 AM

You know, I don't think you're allowed to use that kind of language when you're a father. (Do as I say, not as I do.)

Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 25, 2005 09:34 AM

Laughing my ass off....

I needed that today! Thanks!

Posted by: donna at August 25, 2005 09:41 AM

Gotta love the strange search strings--hilarious :)

Posted by: Liz at August 25, 2005 10:02 AM

what does it say about me that i recognized the lotion line from Silence of the Lambs immediately....

ahhh, site stats. hours of entertainment :)

Posted by: suze at August 25, 2005 11:11 AM

LOL!! This is as hilarious as it is interesting. Thanks for the morning laugh :)

Posted by: ava at August 25, 2005 11:12 AM

"It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose," is a line from Silence of the Lambs when the crazy guy is telling the girl in the pit to put the lotion on her body to keep her skin soft so he can skin her. Yes...very creepy!

Posted by: zanie at August 25, 2005 11:13 AM

Hahahaha. Pretty funny, especially for someone with absolutely nothng!

Posted by: Kris at August 25, 2005 11:39 AM

Hee. That was funny. I think I like "You're not the boss of me, Steinbeck" the best.

Posted by: Heather at August 25, 2005 11:49 AM

*giggle* I was going to do that today too. I never get anything that funny, though!

Silence of the Lambs was on last night. We thought it was too intense for pre-bedtime watching so we flipped to South Park instead. It was the episode where everyone poops out of their mouths. Ew. I hate that one the most. I can't believe I didn't have nightmares.

Anyway, that should liven up your search strings a little!

Posted by: Ms. Q at August 25, 2005 11:55 AM

penis in a hat. heee! like one of those little beanie hats with the propellers on top!

Posted by: jodi at August 25, 2005 12:22 PM

hahahha oh my god. hillarious. i never get weird searches like that anymore. i don't think i do...

Posted by: Denise at August 25, 2005 12:51 PM

my weirdest one --- "banging grannies"

haven't a clue, really, but it freaked me out

Posted by: Kathryn at August 25, 2005 01:38 PM

You get the most amazing search hits! Thank you, this was awesome. I needed the laugh.

Posted by: Dooneybug at August 25, 2005 01:40 PM

I'm sure someone already told you that line is from Silence of the Lambs--which just happened to be on last night.

Posted by: A.K. at August 25, 2005 02:15 PM

lol, classic! I need to pay attention more to my search strings although i have a feeling they wouldn't be as entertaining as yours.

Posted by: E at August 25, 2005 03:17 PM

Wow that was really funny. And you said you had nada. Ha! I wish I could do that on the days I think I got actually something! :)

Posted by: Kate at August 25, 2005 05:03 PM

The Cactus Pete one was the thing that finally made me laugh. I've got to wonder about the rest of the story--where's Paul Harvey when you actually want him?

Posted by: Casey at August 25, 2005 05:44 PM

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose....

you never saw Silence of the Lambs???

and why are people searching for pics of old men in speedos? I'm trying to AVOID those pics...

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at August 25, 2005 06:13 PM

I've been "away" and yes i missed you but didn't realize just how much until this very minute. Needed a good laugh and as usual, you didn't let me down. Thanks, buddy :-)

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at August 25, 2005 07:00 PM


Posted by: lizabetty at August 25, 2005 11:07 PM

Okay, you just made me check out my searches and the funniest one was "is my penis my master Test". Considering I don't have a penis, I don't know how they came upon my site with that search.

The runner up would be "cause of purple penis"

Posted by: Grace at August 26, 2005 04:59 AM

I'm a big fan of "Don't gimme that look you son of a bitch." Now I want to see what else comes up for that search string.

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 26, 2005 08:51 AM

My search strings are rarely that interesting.

But once in a while, there will be one that elicits a WTF???.

Posted by: Allan at August 26, 2005 10:49 AM

LOL Search strings are always really funny...

Ohhh and "It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose. Look, I have no clue what this could possibly mean but it sounds like a line from an exceptionally bad prison movie."

That's from the film "Silence of the Lambs" It's the scene where the killer/freak has the senators daughter down a 20 foot well. He plans on killing her and cutting her skin off to make himself a "Woman" skin suit... ewww, LOL!

Posted by: Tammy at August 26, 2005 11:41 AM

These are my favorite kind of reads. I'm trying to figure out. How does the person know those are dress socks they're smelling? And i loved your response to Don't gimme that look you son of a bitch. and Steinbeck... hahahhahahahahaha I'm pretty sure, if I linger long on mental images conjured up from the 50' meat of a pete I could use counseling.

Posted by: wlfldy at August 30, 2005 08:41 AM