September 15, 2005

Freaks At Play

Take a look at this street sign from my neighborhood. It caught my eye as we were taking a walk the other day. Notice anything odd about the kid? The outfit, perhaps?

What I'd most like to know is this - why are there kids from the 1930s playing in my neighborhood? Or is this a special play area for all those kids who constantly get told your momma dresses you funny?

Either way, I know why the kid's running. If you're wearing that, you're going to get your ass kicked. It's more of a Children Kicking Other Funny Clothes-Wearing Kids' Asses Zone.

There's a third possibility - elves. We could very well be living around a hidden pocket of elves without knowing it. And if there are elves, I wanna know. We got a score to settle.

Whether it's child or elf, I'm slightly distrubed at its apparently detatchable head.

Posted by Chris at September 15, 2005 07:24 AM

there is no reason to be wearing what MIGHT be a winter hat when your momma dressed you in shorts and knee high stockings. the whole outfit is wrong. it makes no sense. therefore: you are correct. you have an elf community in your neighborhood.

if i were you, i'd go fix that sign so it mentions the slow elves.

Posted by: jodi at September 15, 2005 07:42 AM

Hmmm, unless he is a soccer player!

Posted by: Theresa at September 15, 2005 07:51 AM

I love those signs. LOL

Posted by: Kate at September 15, 2005 08:11 AM

I have one thing to say...

"We represent the Lollipop Guild"

Posted by: amber at September 15, 2005 08:25 AM

have you considered that your developmentally delayed child jewish and that is actually a yamika (sp)? Either way I suspect he's a runner...damn he's got good form!

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at September 15, 2005 08:40 AM

Maybe the child just has a very perculiar hairdo. A total trendsetter, i'll bet.

Posted by: Zoe at September 15, 2005 08:42 AM

Looks like it has detachable legs as well.

Or perhaps it is a doll (or action-figure) and the limbs are 'semi-articulated' for easy posing.

Posted by: Allan at September 15, 2005 08:50 AM

Someone said it already, but I thought it was soccer too. It's a girl with a soccer uniform with a headband around her short hair. Way too informative you say. Yeah I know I have spent way too much time examining those signs. I have nothing about the detatchable head thought. Stumped there!

Posted by: Shawntay at September 15, 2005 08:52 AM

Those signs make me laugh, I always think of it meaning that there are SLOW CHILDREN playing, like mentally handicap kiddos. It's stupid, I know. I just read it differently.

Posted by: JuJuBee at September 15, 2005 09:00 AM

Is he wearing ... knickers? And knee socks? Okay, you're right, that has to be an elf.

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 15, 2005 09:05 AM

Thanks for making me giggle this morning!

Posted by: Heather at September 15, 2005 09:05 AM

hmmm... pointy hat, shorts, knee socks, snazzy belt - all he needs is a cookie and your elf theory is complete.

i never understood why they showed kids running and then called them slow *shrugs*

Posted by: monique at September 15, 2005 09:16 AM

Why should you have to slow down if the kid is running is what I don't's not my fault if that kid can't run faster than 25mph...maybe he is leading the way to Santa's is kinda creepy though...looks like he has detatchable legs as should say: "SLOW: ASS KICKING COMENSING"

Posted by: Michelle at September 15, 2005 09:30 AM

The segmented legs are somewhat disturbing too.

Posted by: Strode at September 15, 2005 09:31 AM

What I find even more disturbing is that they feel the need to point out that there are slow children playing in your neighborhood. No need to rub it in their faces or anything.

Okay, clearly need more coffee.

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at September 15, 2005 09:33 AM

Clearly, so does JuJuBee ;)

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at September 15, 2005 09:34 AM

I'm with JuJuBee - I just thought the sign meant that there SLOW CHILDREN at play. It always makes me wonder what's wrong with them.

Posted by: kalisah at September 15, 2005 09:50 AM

Obviously, the SLOW needs an exclamation point. Or perhaps the sign could read, SLOW DOWN ALREADY YOU CRAZY FAST DRIVERS, DO YOU WANT TO SMUSH A KID AT PLAY?

It's so hard to adequately warn people with one small sign. They could just take the kid off, that would leave lots more room for mild guilt-tripping. ;)

Posted by: samantha at September 15, 2005 09:58 AM

Ha! Excellent observation!

I'm thinking they should have a sign that faces perpendicular to the sidewalk... for the KIDS to read. Something like: "Really fast cars" or "Death awaits you!" Maybe with the silouette of the Grim Reaper in a pair of knickers. This might keep all slow children and elves out of the street to begin with.

Blog on!

Posted by: Sam at September 15, 2005 10:05 AM

Definitely, very 30s.

Now google a deer crossing sign and tell me what's missing. Tell me what you wouldn't give for a can of black spray paint...

Here in Michigan we have, "Kill or Injure a Worker/ 7500.00" signs. As though that's not confusing enough, up in the U.P. where my folks live, people repaint them to read: "Find a Worker/7500.00."
Have a good one!

Posted by: vicki at September 15, 2005 10:05 AM

Cross out "playing" and paint in "yodeling."

Posted by: vicki again at September 15, 2005 10:06 AM

We made stickers one year. They were the same color yellow, we used them to cover over the word slow. Our stickers made the sign read "50 points children playing" I have some pics of one somewhere.

Posted by: Jeff A at September 15, 2005 10:14 AM

That's really funneh! I needed that this am.!

Posted by: Sue at September 15, 2005 10:53 AM

I kind of like the throw-back to yesteryear with a child, obviously not wearing our trendy clothes of today. All he needs is a stack of books tied together with a belt (?) and he would be all set to join the Von Trapps.

Posted by: carrster at September 15, 2005 11:01 AM

i knew it! You live near the elves, with the carmel river flowing underneath......
oh my
oh my
oh my
can you score me some cookies?

Posted by: dazeymae at September 15, 2005 11:07 AM

Where was that picture taken? South Park?

Posted by: Jason at September 15, 2005 11:20 AM

Elves...heh. Someone should let the sign maker know that he left the propeller off the beanie.

Posted by: zanie at September 15, 2005 11:30 AM

you crack me up.

Posted by: stinkerbell at September 15, 2005 11:47 AM

maybe dear - that's entrance to the little people development.

Posted by: Autumn at September 15, 2005 12:07 PM

LOL!! This is hilarious.

Posted by: ava at September 15, 2005 12:11 PM

We live in Southern California and there's freeway signs on the 15 near San Diego/ Mexican border that depict a family running across the freeway, Dad, Mom and child (flying in the air) in between them. (To those of you who don't know, they are to warn you to be careful of illegal immigrants running across the freeway) They just slay me!!!!

Posted by: Lainey at September 15, 2005 12:12 PM

What kind of score do you have to settle with elves, for crying out loud?

Posted by: Queen of Ass at September 15, 2005 12:20 PM

*in queer voice, complete with fake lisp* well obviously this poor child is just one big fashion disaster, folks. who wears knee-highs with ankle-shoes? i mean really, what a heathen, that is soooo 1970's.

Posted by: misifoota at September 15, 2005 12:38 PM

p.s. lainey, those signs in so-cal get me everytime. thanks for reminding me of them, i needed the mid-day chuckle.

Posted by: misifoota at September 15, 2005 12:39 PM

slow children. playing.

The knee highs on a little boy are just wrong, even if the pointy hat is excusable.

Posted by: Betty at September 15, 2005 12:52 PM

whether it be an elf or a kid from the 1930's, I have to appreciate his full on sprint, his form and technique is perfected.

Posted by: E at September 15, 2005 01:00 PM

at least the kid's not wearing pink booties on his big toes!

Posted by: Y at September 15, 2005 03:12 PM

i actually thought it meant that slow kids were playing.. which if they were slow it would explain why they were dressed so funny.

Posted by: angel at September 15, 2005 03:56 PM

i actually thought it meant that slow kids were playing.. which if they were slow it would explain why they were dressed so funny.

Posted by: angel at September 15, 2005 03:56 PM

We could consider that the kid is slow in the sense of time-measurement. That way, his clothes could be described by saying that he was so slow he was left behind and is now racing his way to the current century. Or maybe that's stretching it a little too far...

Posted by: bmh at September 15, 2005 07:10 PM

I totally almost hit one of those signs before. I don't know if the kid in it was running with a witer hat on, though. I also don't understand how that qualifies as "playing".

Posted by: Greg at September 15, 2005 08:29 PM

yes! I always think of those signs as meaning the children crossing are SLOW (ie: developmentally delayed in some way). Same as when I see SLOW WORKMEN AHEAD! What? They couldn't hire any quick ones??? HA!

Posted by: mags at September 15, 2005 08:45 PM

That had me laughing out loud. At work.

(just thought I'd mention it)

Posted by: Kyren at September 16, 2005 11:12 AM

ROTFLOL! Classic.

Posted by: Sweety at September 16, 2005 12:35 PM

Oh thank you. I needed the laughter today. Made me chuckle quite happily. Thanks Chris.

Posted by: Keri at September 16, 2005 12:46 PM

i think that they're "slow children" because they're from the 30s. see, they're stuck in a time warp which keeps them moving at a very slow pace. in fact, they've been trying to cross the street since 1932. they were trying to run home to tell their folks that FDR had won the election.

Posted by: tj at September 17, 2005 09:40 AM

OK, so I've been in Hawaii for a bit, so I'm late to this post, but I wanted to share a little story. In my parent's neighborhood in PA, there is a sign that says "Watch Children", and someone wrote "Poop" below it. It's been that way for years now, and the 12 year old in me cracks up every time I go home for a visit. It's ridiculous.

Posted by: Heather at September 23, 2005 02:58 AM