October 05, 2005

Signs and Conversations

If I were a superstitious guy, I'd be headed home. I've been getting signs that maybe work isn't such a great idea today. Sign number one is the headache. That, combined with the super-important meeting I've got all morning and afternoon doesn't bode well. And then there's the fact that I left my badge - the little piece of plastic that I need to get absolutely anywhere around here - at home. I got a temporary one after making the discovery this morning, loaded down with my laptop bag and a very large, very hot cup of coffee. But then that one didn't work either. Hump day isn't exactly off to a great start.

Before I get wrapped up in my day and entangled in all that work crap, I figured I'd bring you a couple odd snippets of conversation from the last week.

At the beach house, after putting Mia to bed...
Her: I had to go down and shut the door.
Me: Why? Was she cold?
Her: No. I was worried someone would steal her.
Me: Um...okay.
Her: Shut up.

The beach house, several hours later...
Me: Where'd you go?
He: I was making sure the door was closed.
Me: So that roving band of baby stealers wouldn't take our daughter?
Her: Yeah. But don't laugh. If she gets stolen by some gypsies in WalMart, you won't find it funny.
Me: One question.
Her: Yeah.
Me: Why would you ever take our daughter to a WalMart?

While changing Mia before bed...
Her: Look at that. She hates her binky but she loves that thumb.
Me: Yeah. She's going to be a thumbsucker.
Her (to Mia): Don't worry. Thumbsucking doesn't make you a bad person. People might say it does but they're wrong.
Me: Yes they are. Negligent homicide, now, that's a different story. Negligent homicide makes you a bad person. But not thumbsucking.

The beach house, while cleaning up after dinner...
Mom: Do you watch Jon Anderson?
Me: Who?
Mom: Jon Anderson. The guy on Comedy Central.
Me: Jon Stewart?
Mom: That's it. Who's Jon Anderson?
Me: Take your pick. John with an H is a country singer. Jon without the H is the lead singer of Yes. Neither have their own news program on Comedy Central.

...five minutes later...
Mom: Did you see? Jon Anderson had Charles Schumer on last night.
Me: They do a duet of "Owner of a Lonley Heart" or something?
Mom: *crickets*

Posted by Chris at October 5, 2005 08:53 AM

Watch what you say about baby-stealing... we mommy-types spend HOURS worrying abou that. Mostly to ourselves so we don't look like paranoid idiots (because we know we're being that way), but we do have that as a primary activity until they're about 18. I'm guessing about duration- mine's only 7 and I still do it, so I am assuming that actual adult status will be the only thing that stops it.

Be sympathetic to our paranoia- that's all I'm saying. And stay out of Wal-Mart, definitely, The ratio of potential kidnappers at Target is MUCH lower. :)

Posted by: Bonanza Jellybean at October 5, 2005 08:07 AM

I'm glad to hear that thumbsucking doesn't make me a bad person - I sucked mine for 12 yrs...

Posted by: Marie at October 5, 2005 08:08 AM

I did not say gypsies!

Posted by: Mrs. Cactus at October 5, 2005 08:22 AM

Thumbsucking isn't bad, but you have to watch how long they do that for-if not, they will have bad teeth that will stick out and you don't want Mia to have buckteeth! Not attractive at all!! Get her a blankey, that will solve everything.

Posted by: Michelle at October 5, 2005 08:24 AM

Wait-- did somebody steal her? You never told us!

Posted by: jen at October 5, 2005 08:26 AM

Beth was being perfectly logical..Check the door dude ;)

Posted by: Angelia at October 5, 2005 08:37 AM

Smartass. **grin**

Posted by: mooalex at October 5, 2005 08:45 AM

thumbsuckers rule!!!

at age 5 i announced to my parents that i'd like to stop sucking my thumb, but my thumb and my mouth didn't like to be separated for very long. (or so my parents tell me, and EVERYONE else...)

thumbsuckers usually grow out of it. and if they don't their parents get them fowl smelling nail polish/thumb polish that does the trick VERY quickly.

Posted by: suze at October 5, 2005 08:48 AM

You know what else makes you a bad person? Taking your baby to Wal-Mart. That's just riggity-wrong, man.

Posted by: Fraulein N at October 5, 2005 09:11 AM

I think I'm going to be like Mrs. Cactus cuz I worry about the bad people coming in and stealing my birds and my cats!

I shudder to imagine what I'm going to be like with children.

Posted by: Colleen at October 5, 2005 09:50 AM

Okay, I'd like to post about the whole baby-stealing thing, but, really, the whole Jon Anderson thing with your mom was priceless.

And, thanks. I now have "Owner of a Lonely Heart" stuck in my head which is WAAAY worse than It's a Small World.


Posted by: Pammer at October 5, 2005 09:54 AM

Just wanted to chime in and say I am going to see Jon Stewart live in concert this Friday here in Toronto. And I will be laughing my ass off for sure. That is all.

Posted by: Mike at October 5, 2005 10:29 AM

owner of a lonely heart... priceless! man, it's sad when you have to waste your comedy on people who don't get it.

Posted by: jodi at October 5, 2005 10:30 AM

That damn song is in my head for the rest of the day, I know it.

So if she didn't say "gypsies", what did she say?

Posted by: JuJuBee at October 5, 2005 10:47 AM

Don't you hate it when you make a perfectly good joke and it sails right by the person?

Posted by: bad penguin at October 5, 2005 10:57 AM

LOL! Again, so recognisable. I think the "ha ha factor" on pillows accross the world is immense!

Posted by: Nynke at October 5, 2005 11:02 AM

LMAO!!! I think the baby-stealing gypsies and Jon Anderson went shopping at Walmart, LOLOL!

Posted by: Tammy at October 5, 2005 11:23 AM

Excellent! Your day may be off to a bumpy start but your humor is in top form today! Jon Anderson! Haha!

Also, thumbsuckers rule!! Just be sure she stops before she loses her two front teeth or she'll wind up with sad, sad buckteeth and all the kids will make fun of her and she'll have low self-esteem and she'll wind up pregnant at 16 and married to some loser in the Navy for 13 years (after she drops out of high school).

Oh, wait. That was just me.

And Beth is right about the baby-stealers. They are everywhere. I still have bad dreams about that.

Posted by: Ms. Q at October 5, 2005 11:24 AM

Hey, I saw that herd of female relatives surrounding mia in every photograph--I'D be worried about baby stealers too :)

Posted by: wavybrains at October 5, 2005 12:09 PM

See!!! Your Mom watches something else besides CNN. And it could be progressively worse. She could be taking everything they say on Fox News as real. That's when you're in trouble.

I agree about the wal-mart thing though.

Posted by: Grace at October 5, 2005 12:24 PM

Hehe, what an interesting family you have! The first snippet of conversation made me laugh the most I think. The whole, "um... okay" "shut up" thing!! LOL

Good luck with the rest of your day and such.

Posted by: Amber at October 5, 2005 02:15 PM

But think of the things you're learning!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at October 5, 2005 02:49 PM

Hump day can go hump itself!!

Posted by: chepooka at October 5, 2005 02:51 PM

You must be hysterical to live with

Posted by: Pixie at October 5, 2005 02:53 PM

huh???? and what may i ask is wrong with wal-mart?? they have some great bargains in there!

Posted by: lizabetty at October 5, 2005 03:43 PM

i WORK at walmart! and i like it! i'm offended, mister!

Posted by: tiffanie at October 5, 2005 05:30 PM

hey snappy retort guy! you make me laugh. and dont be dissin the walmart man. A single mom with no child support has no better a friend than the down and dirty sweat of the walmart price cutters.


Posted by: melanie at October 6, 2005 04:04 AM

hey snappy retort guy! you make me laugh. and dont be dissin the walmart man. A single mom with no child support has no better a friend than the down and dirty sweat of the walmart price cutters.


Posted by: melanie at October 6, 2005 04:04 AM

ROFLMAO!!!! We have those conversations too!!!

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