October 21, 2005

Friday Search String Madness!

Yes, it's that time again. I checked my stats and pulled some of the better (or in some cases, more disturbing) search strings for the past month. Enjoy.

Cactus up the ass. Dude (and I know it was a guy searching for this, not a woman), what kind of sick fuck are you?

Dental hygienists gone bad. ...an original Lifetime movie...

Hello my name is Tag. Oh, well then. You're it.

Ass battle. The most fucked up and insane Iron Chef episode ever.

Really rude games to play. How about a round of Fart On Random Old People? Followed by a game of Racial Stereotyping Pictionary and Pin The Tail on the Gay Guy?

Ben Vereen addiction. You too? I swear I thouht I was the only one with an almost compulsive addiction to the work of the multi-talented Ben Vereen.

What does a rooster's penis look like and rooster testicle size. Beyond the obvious answer - small - why do you care? I can think of no valuable purpose this information serves. Plus, its not the size that counts.

Hookers and crack. That's the title of the forthcoming autobiography by former Washington mayor Marion Barry, right?

Cantaloupe on my head please. Its an odd request but I'd be more than happy to help. Present yourself with the melon of your choice please.

Annie Lenox nude. Sweet dreams are not, repeat not, made of these.

What is Justin Guarini doing? If you had to Google it, I'd say the chances are pretty good that his career's in the crapper.

Inappropriate children's songs. Smack My Bitch Up...Your Daddy Drinks 'Cos You Cry...The UPS Guy's Really Dad...Santa's A Cokehead...and, really, anything by Britney.

Homemade lesbian. Not from concentrate.

Pictures of boobs on the beach were you can see them. As opposed to all those saucy pictures of boobs you can't see.

Fievel. Not here. Last time I saw him, he was headed west.

Have you seen this ass? The most disturbing milk carton ever.

Posted by Chris at October 21, 2005 07:37 AM

My favorite is the "Have you seen this ass?" Nothing's more appealing for breakfast than Ass and Cherrios!!!

Posted by: Corinne at October 21, 2005 07:59 AM

really though, what does a roosters penis look like? i mean, if you bought a rooster, and pinned it down spread eagle...er...rooster...what exactly would you see?

most likely...feathers. and a very, very angry rooster.

Posted by: steph at October 21, 2005 08:19 AM

Excellent answer to "What is Justin Guarini doing". I really can't see some huge stardom after American Idol, although there was that FABULOUS movie he did with Kelly Clarkson...whoopdiddyfrickindo.

Posted by: Michelle at October 21, 2005 08:21 AM

ha ha ha ha ha too funny!

Posted by: penguintarts at October 21, 2005 08:21 AM

heehee...there are some people looking for some strange, scary information out there....

Posted by: suze at October 21, 2005 08:35 AM

I never have such interesting searches! *pouting* And steph's comment made me LMAO.

Posted by: Theresa at October 21, 2005 08:53 AM

I was just this week wondering what good ol' Justin is up to. Hey, my commute is 45 minutes on a good day. You wouldn't believe the kind of stuff that goes through my head during those times. If you think about it, he got totally ripped off. Every single runner up since him has managed to get a record deal. I haven't bought any of those records, but I can't believe he was worse than any of the other dodos that have almost won.

Anyhoo .... Breasts are pretty.

Posted by: pea at October 21, 2005 08:58 AM

All I can say is... LMFAO!! and OMG, people can be very strange!

Posted by: Tammy at October 21, 2005 09:34 AM

I've been to suburbs outside of Phoenix. It's pretty boring. Maybe "cactus up the ass" is the only fun thing to do there.

Posted by: Neil at October 21, 2005 09:38 AM

hehehe, snort snort.
I love you! These are GREAT.

Posted by: stinkerbell at October 21, 2005 10:08 AM

The funniest part of all... is that they actually found their way to your site using these 'keywords.' I'm thinking I need to back-track and read from the very beginning...
Have a good weekend!

Posted by: Steph at October 21, 2005 10:12 AM

"Cantaloupe on my head please" - at least they said "please." Which just about made me die laughing. Because there's nothing like a polite request for a melon chapeau.

Posted by: SpaceCase at October 21, 2005 10:13 AM

keep an eye out for Dental Hygeinists Gone Bad II: this time it's personal, next week on Fox!

Posted by: monique at October 21, 2005 10:59 AM

I very rarely write "LOL" because I very rarely laugh out loud at something I read, particularly on a blog. Today was an exception: LOL!

Posted by: Karen at October 21, 2005 11:38 AM

LMAO...oh good grief. People are so weird. But good for a laugh! Thanks for the post!

Posted by: Colleen at October 21, 2005 11:38 AM

I've never paid attention to where people found my site from so out of curiousity I just checked and it is disturbing:

1. funny beaver pictures;
2. gils goon a wild (i'm sure it's an esl student);
3. pull her pants down
4. pull pants down
5. brothers-sister incest (HUH?)

Enjoy your weekend!

Posted by: Grace at October 21, 2005 11:41 AM

lmao, damn I wish I would of paid more attention to my search strings when I had my blog up and running. I know RudeCactus is my first stop shopping when searching for Annie Lenox nude

Posted by: E at October 21, 2005 12:03 PM

What happened to Fievel? I mean, he was cute when he first got to American. But after he headed west...no so cute.

Who are these people and why are they allowed to use search engines? Or computers for that matter.

Posted by: Isabel at October 21, 2005 12:14 PM

you really get the strangest search strings!!

Pin The Tail on the Gay Guy? I have a feeling that's probably a very popular game among gay guys... ;)

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at October 21, 2005 12:20 PM

Freakin hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh on a this Friday morning!

Posted by: VirgoJen at October 21, 2005 12:28 PM

Hey, a guy needs to know some things.

Posted by: Genuine at October 21, 2005 01:07 PM

You must be so proud that these searches led to you. I regularly get searches for "your thong is showing". Ooops, sorry. I'll tuck that back in.

Posted by: jo-fo at October 21, 2005 01:30 PM

I asked my vet once, when taking puppies for their shots, how capon was made.

He looked at me with a completely straight face and said, "With really little teeny tiny scissors." (He actually did not know the answer, but his male-answer-syndrome came with a healthy dose of humor.)

And heck, I'm interested in all kinds of things that have no valuable purpose and spend vast amounts of time doing research for things like how the Hood Canal Bridge actually opens, or what the effects of broad-spectrum antibiotics are on the beneficial flora of the human body. You know. Regular housewifey kinds of curiosity.

Posted by: bhd at October 21, 2005 01:59 PM

That was hilarious!!

See? This is why I read your site - I don't get to the gym near as often as I should; so I have to read your site for health reasons. Err... yeah. :)

Posted by: Amber at October 21, 2005 02:51 PM

Chris, where have you been??? Size absolutely DOES matter!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at October 21, 2005 02:59 PM

i always make my lesbians from a box.

Posted by: jodi at October 21, 2005 04:52 PM

Until your post, it had never occurred to me that Annie Lennox was naked at any time... now I'm disturbed and will have to search this myself. I will not click on your link, though. Promise.

Posted by: Bonanza Jellybean at October 21, 2005 05:39 PM

perfect for a friday!!! lol ;p

Posted by: lizabetty at October 21, 2005 07:09 PM

ROFL @ Homemade Lesbian. Is there any other kind?

Posted by: Tami at October 21, 2005 07:56 PM

Supposably one cannot technically be addicted to Ben Vereen...although I tried in the '70's...

Posted by: Marilyn at October 21, 2005 08:15 PM

What a hoot!! These always make may day!!! And speaking of beautiful days - U2 rocked last nite.

Posted by: Sue at October 21, 2005 08:22 PM

Oh, c'mon. You can't do this to me. This is so funny it's dangerous! I think I'm dying!

Posted by: Eulallia at October 21, 2005 09:04 PM

Oh.My.God. I can not see the screen because of the tears from the laughter....I just love you! And that is in a pure and sweet way, not dirty at all. It's just any one who can make me laugh like this deserves a little love! thanks!

Posted by: Kate at October 22, 2005 03:20 AM

"Annie Lenox nude. Sweet dreams are not, repeat not, made of these."


Posted by: Greg at October 22, 2005 10:53 AM