December 06, 2005

Snow, Birthdays and Interviews

Are any of you meteorologists? Or related to meteorologists? No? Good. Because they’re asshats. A 'snow event' here in DC is something to behold. From a distance. The way people panic, you'd think someone let a pack of Ebola-ridden monkeys run loose around the Beltway. No. Just an approaching snow flurry. People freak the fuck out an immediately head to the local store to buy bread, milk and toilet paper. When the first flakes begin to fall, any and all stored driving knowledge seems to fall out of brains everywhere. People just forget how to drive. The news people encourage this behavior with headlines such as Washington Region Braces for Winter Storm - Many Will Probably Die Horrible, Cold Deaths and Kiss Your Asses Goodbye, We're In For A Light Dusting. And then, inevitably, we get half and inch. That's what happened yesterday, up until the twist at the end. Because every good weather event and Law & Order episode needs a twist. Yesterday evening the weatherasshats mea culpad all over the place, admitting they were wrong and promising that the storm was over. So, explain the four inches of snow on my car this morning when I headed out to work. My message to the weather people everywhere - sit on your Super Doppler 8000 EX SuperForecaster SnowTrackers and rotate.

On a completely different note, you all broke my super-secret code and inferred correctly - yesterday was my birthday. Thank you all for your kind birthday wishes. I've said it before, countless times, but it's worth mentioning again - you guys rock. Thank you.

One last thing - have you been checking out the Cactus-Fish action at Mommybloggers? Beth and I were featured then interviewed this week and - rumor has it - there will be a completely original, hopefully not lame joint post from us appearing today. Go check Mommybloggers out. It's a cool site and I'd say that even if we were'nt featured all over it this week.

Posted by Chris at December 6, 2005 07:33 AM

It dusted snow here in Illinois today. Now I am afraid to go out to my apt's. Why? Not because I suddenly forgot I live in Illinois and that snow is part of the four season, but every other freaking moron in state will have forgotten that it snows every year in Illinois. I like you wonder how these people have suddenly forgotten the simple bsics of driving.

Glad you had a wonderful Birthday, and I am on my way to Mommyblogs as I type, ok as soon as I am done typing.

Posted by: Angelia at December 6, 2005 08:20 AM

Yah, cuz toilet paper is REALLY going to save you in a snow storm. Sheesh.

Happy Belated Birthday Chris! =)

Posted by: Lauren at December 6, 2005 08:23 AM

i should have gone into meteorology. im actually quite talented at being wrong 90% of the time, apologizing for it, and then forgetting within seconds that i was ever wrong, thus restoring my self-confidence and allowing me to continue being wrong without ever learning a damn thing.

Posted by: steph at December 6, 2005 08:28 AM

It's the same all over man. We have the same problem here. If they see one flake fall from the sky they change the speed limit to 5 MPH and then once there is a nice slick coat on the roads it goes up to 90 MPH. And God help you if you need bread or milk once a snow is predicted. I think the stores actually just remove it all.

Posted by: Jeff A at December 6, 2005 08:30 AM

You always can make me chortle in the morning!

And I missed it yesterday - Happy Birthday, Chris, Rockingest Dad of the Internetwebosphere.

Posted by: samantha at December 6, 2005 08:38 AM

Happy Birthday. Sorry I missed the big day.

As far as weather forecasters go, I think for being so wrong so often, they are pretty well paid. (sorry if I offended anyone) And the apology you mentioned in your post is certainly unusual.

I hope you're telecommuting today.
We got slightly less than a dusting here in Bucks County, PA. And our grocery stores were out of lots of food items in preparation for the "snow event"

Posted by: cassie-b at December 6, 2005 08:41 AM

My husband feels exactly like you do about the weather people. heh!

Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry I wasnt around yesterday but I was still recovering from a sleepover birthday party for my daughter who turns 10 today! With that news, Im sure you totally understand my absence! lol

Posted by: Tricia at December 6, 2005 08:43 AM

Asshats is right! Yesterday I had written to you how I was scared of the evening commute to college..Well let me tell you, even though it wasn't snowing at that point, you would've though all of eastern PA was in some sort of Class 8 snow-terror attack! I was pretty pissed. And when did it start to snow you ask? A little after 6pm when I already had arrived to school, then our class wound up leaving at 7pm and the Asshats were out in full force. To all you weather forcasters out there-Next time instead of promising snow, maybe you should go over basic driving techniques in that chance that you do actually predict the correct forcast! ~GRRRR~

Posted by: Michelle at December 6, 2005 08:47 AM

HAHAHAHA You crack my ass up...

For the record they are even trippier here in France where this monring the guy started dancing around some weather pressure numbers that were swirling on my screen with some 70s music. NO I am NOT making this shit up. Not that creative at 7am.

If I didn't know better I would swear I had dropped acid in my sleep. Go on... You come up with a better fucking explanation to it.

Posted by: stinkerbell at December 6, 2005 09:24 AM

As I recall, that happens every time snow hit the East, doesn't it? In high school, my bus was once turned around at the gates of the school and sent back the 45 minute trip because they said a big ass blizzard was a'comin'. It never actually snow at all.

Posted by: shannon at December 6, 2005 09:42 AM

All the news channels kept saying we were going to have a big blizzard today. "Be prepared! 6 inches are coming! It's a big one!" they kept saying. But in reality we only got 1/2 inch. Damn those meteorologists! I was hoping we'd get a snow day and I wouldnt have to go to work. :)

Posted by: Kestrel at December 6, 2005 09:44 AM

Hee Hee. Your "snow event" is our "hurricane", or, for the completely moronic, "tropical storm". Immediately following those words, all grocery stores are wiped out of water, bread and batteries.

Of course, THIS year it was a little different...

Posted by: Pammer at December 6, 2005 09:51 AM

it's nice to know that people freak out the same way over there as they do here. personally, i use the snow freakouts to my advantage. i bet people in minnesota don't leave work early because there is a mere threat of snow.

Posted by: jodi at December 6, 2005 09:51 AM

at least you're not calling in the national guard to come dig you out like Toronto did a few years ago.

those of us who are used to annual dumpings of the white stuff just laugh ;)

Posted by: suze at December 6, 2005 09:55 AM

"'snow event' here in DC is something to behold. From a distance. The way people panic, you'd think someone let a pack of Ebola-ridden monkeys run loose around the Beltway."

I totally agree. In a way it's annoyingly insane, but on the other hand really kind of funny to see people driving on 495 30 mph like it's a blizzard. Gotta love it.

Posted by: C at December 6, 2005 10:04 AM

"sit on it and rotate"


My MOTHER used to say that all the time in the 80's...with her thumb sticking up and sometimes she would stick her tongue out afterwards.

Always a lady.

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at December 6, 2005 10:46 AM

Happy Birthday (Better late than never eh?)

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at December 6, 2005 10:46 AM

Happy Belated Birthday, man. Sorry, I missed it. I've been playing with my monkey a lot.

Posted by: melati at December 6, 2005 11:00 AM

When I moved to Illinois (from Florida, which is where I wish I were today), I had just started working (in November) when the weathermen started predicting an early snowstorm, with several inches of accumulation. Sitting around at a meeting that afternoon, I asked my boss what we did- did we just not come to work, or did we try to make it in later, and how did the paper get out...? Everyone burst out laughing and my boss said, "Oh, southern girl. This is Chicago. We're the City That Works."

However, Chicago is not the City That Drives Well In Snow. I drive better in snow, and I grew up where schools shut down for 1/2" of snow simply because it was such a novelty. I can't understand why, every year, drivers act as if they've never seen snow, never driven in it, and don't know the basics of cold weather driving.

Ummm. This might be a bit of a soapbox topic for me. Sorry.

At any rate....Happy Belated Birthday! My eldest son would say that December birthdays are the best- it's nonstop partying for one whole month!!!

And, um, my dad was a meteorologist. A damn good one, I might add- he didn't screw up and if he said to hunker down, you better be damn sure you'd battened down the hatches. He started his career as a flight meteorologist for the Navy, however, and you can't screw up the weather for rocket launches and the like......

Posted by: lucy at December 6, 2005 11:11 AM

How very cool!

Hope your b-day was wonderful!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at December 6, 2005 11:12 AM

Happy Late Birthday!

Hope it was a good one!

Posted by: Snidget at December 6, 2005 11:52 AM

We don't get snow here (in SoCal) but it's like that if we get a little rain in the forecast! Storm Watch 2005! Oh my god! We're all gonna... get wet. How will we cope?!

Drive safely! Blog safely! I'm going to check out mommybloggers next.

Posted by: Ms. Q at December 6, 2005 12:03 PM

Um, I dated a meteorologist for quite a while and 8 years later he is still my very best friend. HE is good (take that however you'd Snow is one of the more difficult things to predict accurately. You know there's moisture, but you don't really know what form it's gonna take. But, the man can forecast a storm track, oh yes he can!
But, if it makes you feel any better, we get a spit of rain and the entire state of CA forgets how to drive. Schools close here sometimes for an inch of rain!
Screw the toilet paper...make sure you have diapers and wipes on hand "just in case!" You don't want to run out and be driving with the idiots who are our foraging for toilet paper!

Posted by: Jaycie at December 6, 2005 12:06 PM

If you want hilarity surrounding "snow", come to Memphis. There has been the slightest suggestion of "Winter mix" later this week, and already the stores are crowded. Shelves are getting low. Of course, "snow" to a Memphinite, really means "2 inches of ice. Best to just ditch the car and walk home" yeah. I wish I was kidding. Last year I passed 5 or 6 cars abandoned in the middle of the road.

Posted by: WindyLou at December 6, 2005 12:17 PM

the same thing happens here every time it RAINS.

Posted by: kalisah at December 6, 2005 12:22 PM

I'm always late to the party....Happy Belated Birthday!!

Posted by: Dooneybug at December 6, 2005 12:36 PM

We NJ people laugh at the snow-depth in which you DC people panic.... and New Hampshirites laugh at us in turn. I say... let them inhale mosquitos! Then we'll see who's laughin, pal.

Posted by: That Girl at December 6, 2005 12:40 PM

Those weather forcasters shouldn't be alowed to predict snow fall. No matter how hard I try to not get excited over snow, I always do and inevitably get disapointed with our 2 inches of snow. Jerks.

Posted by: Pixie at December 6, 2005 12:55 PM

Up here, no one panics until we hit the two and a half feet mark. Then we consider going to buy extra milk, and maybe another 5 gallons of gas for the generator, just in case.

So what did you get for your birthday???

I read the interview yesterday. I usually don't read them either, but I accidentally clicked on them and there you and Beth were!

Posted by: Theresa at December 6, 2005 01:03 PM

I don't know how find time for all this stuff that you do! :)

Posted by: Zandria at December 6, 2005 01:08 PM

when i was a senior in high school, the weathermen kept going on and on about "the storm of the century". everyone was out buying the four things needed to survive through anything: water, milk, bread, and toilet paper.

we didn't even get an inch of snow.

Posted by: Denise at December 6, 2005 02:13 PM

Yet again, I'm last to join the party but happy damn birthday anyways! :) Did the snow give you a freebie day off work? I was sure praying for one last week and then we got the half inch you were predicted.

Posted by: Bayou at December 6, 2005 02:28 PM

You think snow weatherforcasts are bull, you should check out the bullcrap they feed us about hurricanes in Florida. It'll hit us . . .wait, it's headed 100 miles away . . .wait, it's NOT a CAT 5, it's only a bloody Cat 2. SHEESH. Then, Floridians buy up all the friggin plywood in Home Depot's national inventory. Prep is not a problem, it's the friggin' incorrect hurricane forecasting.

Posted by: Dolly at December 6, 2005 02:51 PM

Yesterday was your birthday, huh? Then, yes, the birthday cake on my site was indeed for you! Was I the first one to wish you a happy birthday?? Four days early!! Good for me!

(Happy birthday, Chris!)

Posted by: Empress at December 6, 2005 03:11 PM

My right arm for a snow day!!! I love blizzards. I end up baking twelve loaves of pumpkin bread.

Posted by: verucaamish at December 6, 2005 03:55 PM

:) I'm no weatherman, but I do kinda dabble in internet computer models and such... I find that the National Weather Service tends to be pretty reliable. No stupid anchormen or women to push the hype about snow, and when they actually call for snow... it usually comes through as snow... it's been with me for about 3 years in NC, and I have to say, held true to it's word in NoVa... you might wanna check it out ( A wee bit technical at times, but nothing that a smart guy like yourself couldn't figure out :) (either that or I'm TOTALLY a weather nerd having majored in Geography in college, and loving every minute of my geographical hydrology class (see it even sounds dorky))

Posted by: Corinne at December 6, 2005 04:11 PM

I hate snow. Well, I actually hate having to scrape snow off my windows and having to wake up 30 minutes early to "warm the car up". Am so glad I moved away from all the snow (and moved to all the rain). I would trade rain over snow any day.

Glad your Birthday was good. You deserve it.

Posted by: Isabel at December 6, 2005 04:29 PM

All of that chaos and carnage that ensued happens here in Missouri too. I feel your frustration. It does suck and when that happens, I can the trip to the grocery because who wants to be amongst the rest of the morons?

Posted by: Lisa B at December 6, 2005 05:57 PM

Oh and I hope you had a great birthday. Can't wait to check out the interview with you and Beth. :-)

Posted by: Lisa B at December 6, 2005 05:58 PM

I really enjoyed reading the interview. I think it's wonderful that you and Beth do this together.

Posted by: ava at December 6, 2005 06:44 PM

Asshats - is there a story behind the derivation of that word? I like it. Made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: donna at December 6, 2005 07:00 PM

The thing you explain with the snow, yeah, we get that here in Cali when it rains. It's like, Jesus H Christ, people! It's WATER!!!! I promise you won't melt, however the panic always ensues! Oh well what are ya gonna do? Stay warm and out of the way of retarded drivers!

Posted by: Kate at December 6, 2005 08:14 PM

Happy Belated Birthday. You share it with my sister! And Beth .

And I'm 3 days ahead of yours. I was more blatant than you were with the "hints". I said, "tomorrow's my birthday send me presents" and nobody did. I kid.

Posted by: Grace at December 6, 2005 08:58 PM

I feel so bad--I missed your birthday!

Happy Birthday Chris, and may you have 90 more!

Posted by: Michele at December 6, 2005 10:32 PM

I wasted all my effort commenting over at mommybloggers so can't do so here :-) Just joking. Seriously, do you want to read something funny? I know you do... Go check out Funky Bug's post from tuesday at Then pray that woman she writes about either has an infant at home that has completely fried her brain cells or pray she never has a child EVER!! I thought of you and the people in the bookstore when I read it...

Posted by: Amy at December 6, 2005 10:44 PM

Hey! You changed your tagline. Charming, really. ;)

Posted by: Heather at December 6, 2005 11:21 PM

You got snow already. We only got rain. Too much rain. Way too much rain.

Posted by: Sweety at December 7, 2005 01:11 AM

Send over some snow this way! ;-) Although, if the people over there are bad I would wager that the whole country would come to a stand still over here. We had a some light snowfall last year and it wasn't pretty...(the drivers etc. not the snow, the snow was purrrty!)

Have a great one!

Posted by: Nynke at December 7, 2005 02:40 AM

Happy Belated Birthday!!! I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to dig myself out of four feet of snow just to get to the computer. ;)

Posted by: Nicole at December 7, 2005 06:10 AM

The weather hype makes me crazy too. Your post made me think of the bantering between the weatherman and anchor woman in Detroit(?) last year that a friend sent online. Where the anchorwoman turns and says, "Well, Dave what happened to the eight inches you promised me last night?!" And the camera pans to the weather man and he clears his throat and tries to hold it together for half a second and then bursts out laughing. The camera pans back to her (scarlet red) and they break for commercial. Asshats indeed. But funny ones at times. Many happy returns of the day (um, of yesterday?) Well,happy belated, then.

Posted by: Lilymane at December 7, 2005 09:12 AM

I visited DC last winter, and was watching the news one morning when the announcer said "We are expecting the biggest snowstorm of the year. We could see up to a few inches!!!" And of course, people were going mad.
Being Canadian, I just wasn't buying it.

Posted by: Tali at December 7, 2005 10:21 AM

Sorry for the late wishes - but hope you had a swell b-day!!! I missed the snow... I was freezing my keister off in Toronto! Yikes it was cold!!

Posted by: Sue at December 7, 2005 12:19 PM

The promised, nay, THREATENED snow didn't show up here in Central PA either. I think the weather asshats are in cahoots with the grocery store people to get the bread/milk/eggs/toilet paper money.

In my next life I'm coming back as a weather asshat so I can lie a lot, and be wrong more than half the time.

Happy Birthday yesterday too!

Posted by: Amy at December 7, 2005 01:25 PM

It's funny isn't it? My husband is Canadian and when we were at Fort Bragg together he didn't believe me when I told him he wouldn't have to go to work the day it snowed a couple inches.
Like you said, everyone was out buying milk, bread, and tp. Plus, they were getting stuck in thier 4x4s. I had a Mazda Miata at the time. He went out to the store, passing all the stuck 4x4 in this tiny sports car as people looked on amazed. Then, we proceeded to buy wine and cookies - the REAL neccesities during a faux blizzard!

Posted by: Tonya at December 7, 2005 04:39 PM

A few days late, sorry - I go away for a few days, and see what I missed? The date of this post was mine, and I'm just coming out from my annual birthday funk. Happy birthday to you!

Posted by: Jen at December 8, 2005 08:52 PM