January 20, 2006

Happy Dance, Random Lessons

You can't see it, but I'm doing a little happy dance around my office because it's Friday. Thank god it's early and I'm alone in the office.

Weekly Lesson #1: The Rude Cactus law of inverse funny. The stuff that cracks me up? Doesn't always crack you up. That's nothing against you guys. I think it's more a reflection on my own bizarre sense of humor. I'm referring, of course, to hooker post which, while I maintain that I was exceptionally tired, I thought was funny in a very bizarre kind of way. I think I just scared most of you. Yeah, I could see you slowly backing away from your monitors. And when you made it out of the room, I heard you sprinting out of the house.

Weekly Lesson #2: Men are kinda gross (although I'm sure women are too in their own ways but I don't wanna hear about it). How else do you explain guys who let their pants ride their ankles touching the floor of the men's room at work? Why would you do that?

Weekly Lesson #3: Teething kinda blows. I've gotta think its painful for Mia but there's not a damn thing we can do about it. Sleep is a concept shrouded in mystery lately, with random screams punctuating the night hours. This too shall pass.

Weekly Lesson #4: American Idol, as a microcosm of society, proves there's an insanely high population of people who are just plain nuts. There are a lot of people who, apparently, have no self-censorship mechanisms, are crazy and/or completely delusional, and surround themselves with people who agree that they're wonderful when they really, in fact, sound like the death-screams of a racoon in a wood-chipper. People need to invest in tape recorders.

Before I try and get my ass in gear and prep for the two hour meeting I've got this morning, I'd just like to remind you that you can check out my latest venture not to mention the award-nominated DadCentric. Happy Friday, everyone!

Posted by Chris at January 20, 2006 07:22 AM

Chris: there's a couple things you can do for teething. there's a cool device for kids that's kinda like a fishnet encased in plastic...stuff a banana in there and freeze it. baby can suck or chew on it and it's sweet and cold and helps alleviate the gum discomfort.

also, avoid any anbesol or orajel because the alcohol in it can really dry out her throat. there are non-alcoholic options for babies who are teething in health food stores.

Posted by: Dolly at January 20, 2006 08:14 AM

Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kelly at January 20, 2006 08:28 AM

Happy Friday Mr. Cactus! dude, your hooker post... i'm still trying to figure that one out.

Posted by: monique at January 20, 2006 08:41 AM

Happy Friday!

Posted by: Fraulein N at January 20, 2006 08:54 AM

TGIF. as your post indicated yesterday, this has been the longest week in recorded history. dear god, let it end...

Posted by: suze at January 20, 2006 09:19 AM

Glad you're almost through with this week. Here's my unsolicited advice: have you considered giving Mia some Motrin at bedtime? No one told me this, but it lasts 8 hours to Tylenol's 4, plus I think it relieves inflammation. Not that you want to over-medicate or anything like that, but once in a while to give Mia some relief and you some rest? It's a deal we've struck with Gretel a few times :) Good luck with the teething.

Posted by: Laura GF at January 20, 2006 09:21 AM

"Weekly Lesson #4: American Idol, as a microcosm of society, proves there's an insanely high population of people who are just plain nuts."

agreed. i would never try out. i KNOW i can't sing. the 63 i got for singing in my 6th grade music class proves it.

Posted by: Denise at January 20, 2006 09:47 AM

#4 had me in stitches! Happy Friday!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at January 20, 2006 10:14 AM

Ditto on the Motrin or Tylenol for teething (actually, you can alternate the two). Also? Anbusol. Life saver.

Posted by: jen at January 20, 2006 10:19 AM

here's a tip for the teething: buy some pure vanilla extract and massage her gums with it. But pure - not imitation.

Anything at all touching a public restroom floor totally grosses me out. I blame the microbiology class I took in college.

Posted by: kalisah at January 20, 2006 10:26 AM

OMG - American Idol!! (aka The MEAN Show)!! I swear, those PEOPLE who seem to think they live in my house INSIST on torturing themselves with that stuff!!)) I simply CANNOT believe that people are STUPID enough not to know if they can sing or not... ESPECIALLY since we've already had 4 or 5 seasons of the Meanmeister making people cry for FUN!! I have to leave the room, it's so painful...

Posted by: Deepblue at January 20, 2006 11:15 AM

How many of those men bring part of their lunch into the bathroom, then pick it up off the floor when they drop it? Just me? Oh...hmmm...

Posted by: CroutonBoy at January 20, 2006 11:28 AM

women ARE gross too. I've seen woman who do the same thing with the pants around the ankles, touching the disgusting floor. it's sick! I only pull mine down to right above my knees and it gets the job done - I don't see why they like getting traces of piss and shit all over their clothing...

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at January 20, 2006 11:46 AM

Baby Anbusol does wonders!

Posted by: Jenn at January 20, 2006 12:17 PM

I managed a nightclub in Philadelphia for seven years and when it comes to being gross in the bathroom Women are way more gross then men. (Shiver)

Posted by: Bill at January 20, 2006 12:48 PM

I would never let any part of myself or my clothing touch the floor of any bathroom. My own included.

And a two hour meeting? Are you serious? I just got out of an hour long one, and that was bad enough.

(but being pregnant does allow you for more potty breaks during the meetings, which is awesome!)

Hope you make it through the day!

Posted by: Isabel at January 20, 2006 01:45 PM

There's a hooker post? You wrote a hooker post? I really do need to start checking this blog everyday.

Posted by: Y at January 20, 2006 03:03 PM

Hey, you learned a lot this week. About all the running away from you stuff...you heard that??? Heh heh. Hope you have a very relaxing, gums free of pain, no clothes on pubic restroom floor, kinda weekend. Happy Friday.

Posted by: Kate at January 20, 2006 03:05 PM

You know, when you make fun of the hookers...the hookers win. And I'm actually OK with that.

Posted by: Jason at January 20, 2006 03:12 PM

About #4 - if I ever decide to sing in public, shoot me before I hurt anyone. Seriously, why do some people think they have talent?

Posted by: Jen at January 20, 2006 07:21 PM

Dude, it's odd with the posts... you never know, my moments of sheer brilliance are usually met with a giant yawn from the blogosphere.

(I was swamped and didn't have time to comment on the hooker post... liked it though.)


Posted by: Nat at January 21, 2006 06:36 PM

The hooker post was a little weird, but it sounded a lot like my weirdness when I'm tired, so I let it slide. Can't win 'em all.

American Idol is really quite sad, I find. more for the fact that the most famous judge is the most assholish (at least publicly). Is that REALLY what it takes to make it in this world? Or at least show business? I mean, first there was The Weakest Link, and now there's everything from Idol to Hell's Kitchen and myriad other shows I doubtless haven't heard of since I gave up the ol' cathode ray deity forever.

Posted by: Gavin at January 22, 2006 08:01 PM