February 06, 2006

Sticks and Stones

There are two things from Sunday I'd like to talk about on this fine, chilly Monday morning. One is, of course, Super Bowl related but I'll save that for last.

God Help Us If They're Homeschooled
The scene - browsing a section of books close to the cash register at my local Borders yesterday afternoon. Upon hearing the total from the sales assistant, a man - early forties, slightly overweight, dressed as though coming from church - decides to explain the concept of taxation to his two young daughters, both of whom appeared as though they could have cared less.

So, you see, out of this whole amount, they're asking me for two dollars and forty cents to pay for things for other people. That's because we have a new Democratic governor and the only thing Democrats know how do to is raise taxes. They collect all this money from people like us for things we don't need. Like roads. And welfare, so that people can sit around and do nothing all day except be poor while we work. But we're rich so we don't have to worry about stuff like that.

I'm all for educating your children but I hope that, when it's time for me to start talking to Mia about all the things that make up the world, I'm a little more balanced than Fat Rich White Guy. What other nuggets of wisdom has he passed on? Hopefully the secrets of levitation since he and his family apparently don't need roads. I think this must be how Ann Coulter became, well, Ann Coulter.

Satisfaction? Uh, No.
Every year, I sit down to watch the Super Bowl and realize that I don't really give a damn about football. That's why we ended up catching up on TiVoed stuff during the second half. I am, however, always interested in seeing the halftime shows because they invariably turn into trainwrecks.

To preface, you know I'm a big music fan. You know that I'd donate my left nut to be on a big-ass stage just once and contribute to the hearing loss of thousands. I'm well aware that what I'm about to say is, at best, sacrilege.

The Rolling Stones sucked ass.

I got no satisfaction. No, I know it was only rock and roll and I was supposed to like it but, to me, it sounded like two cats getting run over by a lawn mower. Mick Jagger sounded like crap and moved as though a small furry animal was turned loose in his pants. At least, though, he seemed to know what songs the band was supposed to be playing. I'm pretty sure Ron and Keith were playing totally different songs through the entire set. At one point, I turned to Beth and asked, ok, this sounds like a bunch of three year olds were handed guitars and stuff, right? It's not just me? She agreed.

There's a point at which a band is around so long, they become not only a shadow of their former selves but a parody as well. The Stones are well past that point. Retire already.

Posted by Chris at February 6, 2006 07:52 AM

I was mildly amused during the "Start Me Up" segment and a bit scared by Mick's movements during "Satisfaction", but, yea, Ron and Keith were not playing the same song during "Satisfaction". Not even close.

(I kept being afraid that Mick would fall a break a hip or something. He's too old to be moving like that without danger!)

Posted by: Empress at February 6, 2006 08:13 AM

Part one, better you overhearing that convo than me. I have a tendency to let my liberal democrat mouth take over. In fact I did just that when I went out for lunch with Mother in law Saturday. Some lady was wearing a shirt that said "My kid fought in Iraq so your kid could party at college" I saw that and said no lady your kid didn't go to Iraq so my kid could party.. My kid serves our country proudly so dont assume all kids are just partying their asses off. Husband was not pleased. LOL

Part two.. And that my friend is why I dont even bother watching the bowl games.

Posted by: Angelia at February 6, 2006 08:48 AM

I think my favorite part of Fat Rich White Guy's lesson is "But we're rich so we don't have to worry about stuff like that." You're probably right, that is why we have people like Ann Coulter running around.

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 6, 2006 09:03 AM

Right, he doesn't need roads. Or police, or the fire department.

I thought rich people had lots of possessions. Wouldn't he be worried about it geting stolen or burned up?

Those poor kids. They'll probably be so jacked up on drugs that they won't have the brain power to be as crazy as Coulter.

Posted by: Sara at February 6, 2006 09:07 AM

Oh my gosh. Rich White Guy is scary. Granted, some people abuse the welfare system, but yeesh. And Mick Jagger's "dancing"? So bloody frightening, especially with the far-too-short sparkly, stretchy black shirt. I just never needed to see that.
Btw, where's your 'ku at, Chris?

Posted by: Heather at February 6, 2006 09:13 AM

i've heard the welfare argument before but the 'don't need roads' is a new one. oh wait. he's rich, i forgot. so maybe he doesn't need roads after all. after all, i'm sure his pilot can land the helicopter any ol' place.

superbowl: i made the mistake of picking a team days before the game so it was a bit touch and go there for a while. :D but even when i don't pick a team, i still do enjoy the game. i'm easy to entertain, just give me a tv to yell at and i'm good to go. i'll have to take your word on the RS because i completely tuned out on that.

Posted by: pea at February 6, 2006 09:19 AM

Word on the Stones, yo. After a song and a half, The SAK and I couldn't take any more, and watched Puppy Bowl II on Animal Planet instead. It's time for Mick to give up the ghost and face facts - he's just too damn old for this shit. (Interestingly, I thought the other two guys looked like they knew that and were thinking, "Why are we here, when we could be at home sitting on our piles of cash?")

Posted by: Dawn at February 6, 2006 09:22 AM

Didn't watch any of it myself.

Posted by: Just Me1issa at February 6, 2006 09:26 AM

see, i care so little for the superbowl that i didn't even know who was playing at half-time. i used the superbowl time to get caught up on my filing and shredding. i'm in a weird toss stuff out mood.

and as for the taxation dude...i shake my head...how, pray-tell did he get to the bookstore? unless he is able to fly or teleport, i'm guessing there were roads involved..."things for other people" my ass...

i have no fear you will do far better with mia...

Posted by: suze at February 6, 2006 09:29 AM

Ah, yes--we were shuddering at the sight of a man in his late 60s baring his midriff...

Posted by: Liz at February 6, 2006 09:34 AM

My husband and I agreed that MJ was doing the "pee pee dance" the whole time. He seriously looked like a little kid who needed to use the potty.

If you didn't watch the second half, your really didn't miss much. I was pretty much bored the entire time and disappointed in the commercials.

Posted by: Jessie at February 6, 2006 09:35 AM

At one point during the halftime show, MJ lifted his arms to wave them around, revealing his 60+ yr old stomach. I screamed out to Forrest, "MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!! THAT must qualify as a wardrobe malfunction!!!!"
And after MJ started singing "I can't get no satisfaction", Forrest, from the Kitchen, hollered at the TV, "Mick, there aren't a lot of men your age who can!!!"


Posted by: Corinne at February 6, 2006 09:54 AM

I don't believe you have to be a liberal to think that the crap coming out of that man's mouth was disgusting. Even those of us who ride a little closer to the middle don't think like that. He wasn't saying that to 'teach' his kids anything. He was spouting off to the adults around him. What an ass.

The Rolling Stones. Never a fan, but the show was bad...even to me.

OK. Now I need some something to cheer me up after thinking about old rockers and middle-aged farts. How about a picture of cute little Mia? :)

Posted by: angela marie at February 6, 2006 09:54 AM

We decided that they had all been shot up with fermoldehyde to keep their rotting flesh from stinking. They are older than Yoda.

Posted by: MelissaSunshine at February 6, 2006 10:04 AM

the stones were not the most disappointing part of the super bowl for me.

Posted by: jodi at February 6, 2006 10:17 AM

I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but did turn it on at one point to catch the score. It happened to be half time. At which point, I turned to Mr. M and said "You know, 20 years ago, the Stones had been around for more than 20 years."

'Nuff said.

Posted by: SpaceCase at February 6, 2006 10:22 AM

Everything was disappointing about last night.

The game, sucked. They don't need two weeks before the Superbowl all it does it make for a lousy first quarter and it seems to get worse each year. Both teams came out flat.

What's with the bad calls too? I don't care Rothlislucky didn't cross the goalline! I'm a Colts fan and they need to go to having chip sensors on or in the footballs and a laser sensor along the goalline. Obviously, instant replay isn't so instant, nor correct, as we have learn in these playoffs.

The Stones. The only cool thing was their stage. That's it.

The commercials. I barely remember two of them. Just dumb, unfunny, unmemorable, and WAY overhyped. What a waste of money! Every other one was a beer commercial, no Disney, ABC show ad, or ESPN mobile ad. Did you all see the connecting there?
I swear, I could write funnier/better commercials.

As for the "Fat guy"...He's fat!

Posted by: Jay Wilkins at February 6, 2006 10:24 AM

OMG. As horrendous as Fat Rich White Guy's social/political commentary was, somehow I wouldn't be surprised if what you heard was his special "toned down for [broadcast] public consumption" version.

Posted by: amanda at February 6, 2006 10:33 AM

Wow, fat rich white guy is quite a jackass. VA had a sales tax before Tim Kaine was elected, so way to slant the facts to suit your world view. I hope his daughters grow up to be socialists.

As for the Stones, I agree the performance last night was lame and the sound quality was horrible, but I saw them live a couple of years ago and they put on a great show.

Posted by: bad penguin at February 6, 2006 10:37 AM

I didn't watch the halftime show because honestly, I'm not a huge RS fan. However, I've noticed that everyone, no matter who it is, ends up sounding like ass when they step foot on a football field. I played on a football field once in my life and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I think. There's lots of sound bouncing back and forth and you can't hear yourself over all the bouncing back and forth...

But uh...yeah. Halftime shows suck.

Posted by: Rhonda at February 6, 2006 10:58 AM

A very noneventful game all around. And you know, I have never liked the Rolling Stones...just don't see the appeal; so yeah, we used halftime to chat while waiting for the *yawn* game to come back on.

Posted by: Kate at February 6, 2006 11:29 AM

Wasn't the Stones tour a few years ago called "The Steel Wheelchairs Tour"?

Posted by: Sue R. at February 6, 2006 12:05 PM

I had the pleasure of watching my 14 year old daughter's face as she watched Mick Jagger hoochie across the stage...the looks of revulsion were priceless!

"What is he doing?"

"Oh my God, make it stop!"

"Does he really think people dance like that?"

"Ewww, I don't think so!"

"People actually like this band?"

It was sooooo much fun! And we counted the number of times Keith Richards almost fell down. It was the best part of the game...seeing as the Hawks were robbed by the refs who were obviously paid off to swing the game the Steelers way (I'm in trouble now :-)

Posted by: Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) at February 6, 2006 12:23 PM

Regarding the Stones, did anyone else notice the two times they bleeped the lyrics Mick was singing? The first was at the end of Start Me Up when the lyric is 'you make a dead man come' They bleeped 'come'. Then the next song, a new song which to me is an odd choice when you have like 100 years of material to choose from and only 3 songs in your set, the lyric was some thing like 'I used to be your rooster but now I'm just one of your cocks' - they bleeped 'cocks'. I understand they had a 5 second delay in order to deal with these types of things so as not to have an incident like the Janet Jackson fiasco. But those bleeps were unnecessary and a little too anal in my opinion.

But I must agree with most here and say - give it up Stones and go find a suitable retirement community to settle down in.

Posted by: Mike at February 6, 2006 12:32 PM

Aside from the fact that they all look like scarecrows made of beef jerky, I keep trying to figure out which one of them was wearing a hairpiece/hair plugs. They can't all have kept their hair.

Posted by: samantha at February 6, 2006 12:44 PM

Yep - it sounded like they had been enjoying the booze in their boz seats a bit too much :wink:

Posted by: Marie at February 6, 2006 12:54 PM

So it's probably a good idea that we took the dog down to the beach for her last walk of the day at halftime, huh? We had lots of serenity, the onset of twilight, while watching some herons and seals finish up on their day of hunting.

Anyway, it gave us the peace we needed in order to suffer through the second half of that game. Nothing like watching the local boys fall apart.

Posted by: bhd at February 6, 2006 12:56 PM

I slept through the rolling stones--I guess that was probably a good thing. :-)

Posted by: Ginny at February 6, 2006 01:24 PM

Wow, I guess I am the lone voice here. I thought the Stones sounded pretty good and looked good. Even Capt. Jack Sparrow, I mean Keith Richards (who's never looked good, face it.) They have more energy than most people I know who sit in cubicles all day. And, if my butt looked as good as Mick's, I'd be pretty happy. Come on, it's so tiny and cute.

I was really ambivalent about it but I give those guys mad props for putting themselves out there. I can tell they've slowed down and they looked like they were working pretty hard, but shit. They're in their 60s, acting like teenagers, playing rock 'n roll. What the hell is wrong with that?

I wasn't even a fan until I saw them in 1991. They put on a fun, loud, crazy show. I say, Rock on!!

Posted by: Ms. Q at February 6, 2006 01:25 PM

Now c'mon--- you forgot the best part! The stones got like 10 million dollars to bang on their very expensive guitars and for Mick to demonstrate the furry rodent-in-my-pants-strut.


It hurts when people won't move on. Calcification is not a pretty thing to witness on live human beings.

I mean, they are alive, right? Not styrofoam cut-outs?

Posted by: Elizabeth at February 6, 2006 01:41 PM

YES! Sucked.. I wanted to turn it off, but it was like watching a car wreck.. I. Just. Couldn't. Look. Away.

Posted by: Molly at February 6, 2006 01:51 PM

..and this is why it's a good thing George and John are dead and there can never be a "reunion tour" for The Beatles.

Posted by: Isabel at February 6, 2006 02:06 PM

First of all, if we wanted to be as biased as this gentleman, I would wonder what he was doing at Borders (Democrats as far as the eye can see)? I live in an extremely conservative area, and the "Hard Right" tend to stay away from such estabolishments as they are really scared that we will flog them once we see the dubya sticker on their car when pulling in.
And, as far as the Rolling Stones-yeah I agree with you on that. My Mom and I were on the phone. She had to quickly hang up because the Stones were performing. She called after the show and was quite excited about the performance. I personally don't see it. But then again, if I were in my 50's maybe I would get it.

Posted by: J at February 6, 2006 02:14 PM

I am a very laid-back and easy going guy but Fat Rich White Guy would have brought out the worst in me. It's stuff like that, that hits a hair trigger in me.

"Don't need roads?" Well then how the hell are you going to get your bags of money from inside the mattress and inside your home vault to the bank? I mean you certainly need to earn interest to offset all of the taxes used for such nonsense like school lunch and police and emergency personnel."


Chuck Norris, Super Bowl XL Champion


Posted by: JackassJimmy at February 6, 2006 02:20 PM

*delurking here*

The kids probably weren't listening to a word their father said. I agree with another poster that he was really saying it aloud so everyone else could hear him bitch.

I usually only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. I wish I hadn't watched it yesterday because I discovered several websites that have them. All that time I wasted when I could have been doing something else :)

Posted by: Mary at February 6, 2006 02:26 PM

They did indeed suck. I think Mick was the only one actually performing. Ron and Keith weren't plugged in to anything, and didn't even pretend like they were playing along to the music. Whatever they played wasn't matching what I heard.

And I got scared for a while, because I noticed that after every song, Mick removed another shirt. I was afraid that he'd take off the last one after "Satisfaction", but, fortunately, that was the last song.

Posted by: Jen at February 6, 2006 02:36 PM

The music last night was dreadful. The National Anthem was butchered, the Stones blew. Just sad.

As for the FRWG, even though I might have similar opinions about taxes, a) I'd never teach my children about it that way, hopefully they can grow up to make their own informed opinion, and b) Um, I kind of like driving on actual roads.

Posted by: A.K. at February 6, 2006 02:55 PM

They really did suck ass. God, they were bad! The commercials weren't even that great!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at February 6, 2006 05:10 PM

Ya know, I generally know sh** about music, but even I noticed that about the Stones last night.

AND I agree with you about these old singers. This is an embarrassing example but...

This morning on the Martha Stewart show (which I don't actually intentionally watch, I just fail to change the channel after the morning news 'cuz I'm too busy blowing raspberries on baby's tummy and playing pat-a-cake) Barry Manilow sang Copacabana and I actually sat wondering if he'd ever heard the song before today -not that it's some kind of impressive song or that he's such a mega star, but he REALLY REALLY sucked. Maybe we can start impeaching bands like we should some of the folks in Washington.

Posted by: HR mommy at February 6, 2006 05:35 PM

And about F.R.W.G, were those really his actual words (or at least a reasonable facsimile)? If so, that's just too scary.

Incidentally, I recently contacted my Congresswoman asking her to vote no about cutting funds for programs for the poor. I received a letter today thanking me for my feedback. The MAJOR problem with her letter? Half of it was a rant against DEMOCRATS. I guess she's assuming that since I called her office I actually voted for her. I have to come up with a really good retaliatory letter to clue her in.

Posted by: HR mommy at February 6, 2006 05:41 PM

i'll have to agree.
usually, i'm a stones fan.
last night, however, i was embarrassed to call myself a fan.

and did you notice Mick Jagger's gigantic upper arm, old man waddle that was flapping in the wind? i almost lost my superbowl meal...

Posted by: ali at February 6, 2006 06:15 PM

We thought the same of the Rolling Stones. My dad's the age of these guys. These men could get Senior Citizen discounts and may possiblly put fiber in their booze (to keep them regular). Time to hang it up!

Posted by: Lisa B at February 6, 2006 06:43 PM

oh as for the rich, fat white guy... I hope one daughter marries a raging liberal and the other turns out to be a lesbian. Wouldn't THAT fix his wagon? Was he wearing his Klan hat too?

Posted by: Lisa B at February 6, 2006 07:17 PM

My wife and I total agree with your statement regarding the Stones.

There is definately an age at which you are no longer a rock star but just an old man pretending to be a rock star.

Posted by: Chris at February 6, 2006 07:59 PM

Ummm, after so many songs (and years), don't you start repeating yourself? Then again, maybe they each THOUGHT they were playing/singing the same song, only, due to old age (and gawd-knows-what is going on in their elderly minds, mixed in with all the damage that all the drugs have done over the years), they were each quite off.

And I could have done without Mick's I'm-So-Thin-That-If-I-Turn-Sideways-You-Can't-See-Me body gyrations. Eeeewwww!

Posted by: ironic1 at February 6, 2006 08:51 PM

Agreed. I heard some commentary on the radio about why the Stones were picked instead of, oh, the obvious choice -- MOTOWN. The answer was, "Hey, if you can get THE STONES, you GET 'EM."

Maybe 15 years ago. In 2006? Notsomuch.

In the meantime, Smokey was in a bar somewhere 5 miles away. Bad choice, folks. Bad choice.

Posted by: Pammer at February 6, 2006 09:40 PM

I saw the Stones in concert in 1993, and I thought they were too old to perform well then. Stevie Wonder, who was wonderful in the pre-game show, would have been a much better halftime show choice.

And I always thought that educating your children meant showing them how the real world works. Fat Rich White Guy apparently is living in some sort of fantasy land where he doesn't need roads. Or maybe he has one of those gas-guzzling Hummers that are like freaking tanks on the highway. Hey dude, if you don't need roads please stay off them with that thing - especially if I'm driving on one.

Posted by: Beth in StL at February 6, 2006 10:06 PM

Now catus, I agree with you about most of that observation but being a republican and an Ann Coulter reader, I must defend and say that girl knows her shit!! Do you hate me now?

Posted by: Bethany at February 6, 2006 10:14 PM

I agree I kept waiting for Mick to throw out a hip. Just get over yourself dude. A sixty-three year old rock star aint sexy!!

Posted by: Bethany at February 6, 2006 10:17 PM

I gotta agree with you about the Rolling Stones. And did you notice that Mick kept saying "Twy" instead of "Try"? It drove me nuts!!! LOL.

Posted by: Colleen at February 6, 2006 10:38 PM

Say, be nice to Ann Coulter. It's hard to sell books these days. ;)

Posted by: Gavin at February 6, 2006 10:52 PM

I trust you'll be more balanced, and won't just spout off about how idiotic people on the right are. I do know that most people are taught a pretty one-sided view of pretty much everything. But that didn't hold with me. I got to college and made up my own damn mind!

Also, about the Super Bowl? That game was ridiculous. As is football.

Posted by: DeAnn at February 6, 2006 11:41 PM

Wait. Was his name George? I think this might explain alot.

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at February 7, 2006 08:54 AM

Sometimes its the input from parents (or lackthereof) that really makes or breaks a child.

Speak of the devil, I've been writing indirectly about this on my blog with a new post on my world in education every Monday in February (shameless plug)

Posted by: Janet at February 7, 2006 08:42 PM

ouch. maybe it was the several hours I'd been in airports, maybe it was the xanax, but I didn't think they were so bad. I will definitely agree with everyone on the dance moves. I was scared.

Posted by: laura at February 8, 2006 04:56 PM

Obviously fat guy is a little off his rocker, but, I will say this, living in georgia will make you understand the "we work hard so they don't have to" thing. I think they offer classes here on how not to work and how to abuse the system. I was in the mall the other day and overheard a couple talking about buying things, the exact words were, "when you gonna go down to dfac and get some more money?". This is very disheartening, considering my husband and I try to live a decent life and we get NO help and are below the poverty level. Why? We are married, he is my kids father and we own our house. Oh yeah, and he is in school still too. All that plays against you here. The people I made the reference to were dressed to the nines in designer clothing and shoes and no doubt drive big flashy SUVs. Whew, sorry to be so long winded, obviously something I feel very strongly about.

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