March 02, 2006

Answers! Get Your Fresh Hot Answers (Part One)

Ahhh, I love the smell of questions in the morning! You asked, I've answered. Some of them at least. I've still got my work cut out for me but here's the first round!

[Wicked H] When Mia starts dating, at age 25 of course, will you intimidate her suitors?
First, I'm afraid you have that age wrong. Add 5 years, please. In the mean time, I'll be developing a small arsenal of weapons, although Beth forbids me to own firearms. Therefore, I shall own a slingshot. Not only will I become an excellent slingshot marksman, I will cultivate (rightly so) the reputation for being Mia's Dad The Crazy Slingshot Guy. No one wants to fuck with The Crazy Slingshot Guy.

[Pea] Barring the death of a loved one, or the birth of a child, do guys (or if you feel comfortable, you) have crying jags?
After Mia was born, I copped to having a full-on, overwhelming crying jag. I bawled like a little sissy boy. Aside from that, however, I don't feel like a need a good cry every now and then. I personally tend to deal wiht stress and emotion in other ways...like buying stuff. But I'm not afraid to cry.

[Tricia] What is the biggest change in your daily routine or something you just do differently in general since becoming a father? What do you do now that you didnt before, aside from kiss TWO princesses in the morning?
Uh, everything. Those of you who have kids can attest - the center of the universe radically shifts, and the focus of every waking moment becomes that child. One of the things I was most concerned about before Mia arrived was how my life was going to change, how my relationship with Beth would change. I was really terrified about things never being the same again. Justifiably. They wouldn't be. But what I later realized was that I just didn't care. Life is different. And wonderful.

[Emily] Where did the stop sign on the wall in your music room come from?
Search through the archives and you'll find a few entries about my friend Adam. during the last couple of years of high school, he and I were inseparable. One night we made elaborate plans to steal street signs. We dressed in black and had a shitload of tools. We stole the stop sign. And then we quit for the night. I don't really remember why we ended our sign spree so early but it's probably best that we did. When people use the phrase "up to no good" they're talking about Adam and I.

[Emily] What was your favorite ever TV show when you were a kid?
I have to go with The Brady Bunch. I think I've seen every single episode of that show dozens of times. I also used to love The Price Is Right, especially on days I was sick and stayed home from school.

[Rocky] If you could relive your entire life, but do only one thing different, what would it be?
You know, what I'm about to say is going to sound like a cop-out but I don't mean it that way at all. My answer? Nothing. I've done some stupid shit in my 33 years. I've done some stuff that I regret, things that had intended or unintended consequences, and made mistakes that hurt people. But I fully believe in the Star Trek Theory Of Time - change one thing, you change hundreds or thousands of things down the road. I am who I am today because of the life I've led so far. And I like who I am today.

[Autumn] What has changed the most about your view of YOU since Mia came along?
I've always been a self-centered bastard. No, really. I'm a whole lot less important than I previously thought. Then again, I'm more important in different ways. I'm now providing for a family. It's funny. I look at the way my daughter looks at me and I feel more important than I've ever felt for all the right reasons.

[Red] Do you plan on having more kids?
Note to the Internet - no decisions have been made and thinking is different than trying. We're thinking about it. I think we both envision having two kids. We're just trying to think through the timing. And? I personally can't imagine focusing on any other little person besides Mia right now.

[JackassJimmy] During the height of college buffoonery, did you ever think you would be where you are today?
You know, I did some stupid stuff in college, the kind of stuff we all do or did, but I always saw myself growing up, getting my stuff together and being a family kinda guy. That said, did I see this exact picture? Kinda.

[Fauve] If Mia had been a boy, what name did you have picked out? and Any chance we get to see a picture of your, uh, pants?
Well, I didn't manage to take a picture of my good-ass pants. So sorry. As for your other question, you know, we didn't have any good boy names picked out. Beth and I both felt early on that we were having a girl. Thank god. We couldn't think of ANY good boy names.

[Pammer] Who would you cast to play you in a sitcom or movie about your life?
Although he looks nothing like me, I've got to go with perpetually underrated actor John Cusak. And it would have to be a sitcom. No serious movie about my life would be at all accurate.

[Michelle] Out of your mobile tie collection, which tie is your favorite? Do you have a least favorite?
My recent favorite is a tie my parents gave me that they picked up last time they were in Paris. It's got tiny porcupines on it. There's a long, unfunny story that resulted in me calling Mia squizzle which, in this long, unfunny story, was a name for a porcupine. So, it's my squizzle tie.

[Traci] I'm curious what you did with the box that was full of old remotes from electronic items you no longer own?
I shoved that box of remotes back in the closet. My daughter seems to have a remote fetish so I'm hanging on to them for a rainy day.

[Kim] What do you like the best/least about where you live? If you could live anywhere else, where would you go?
This area's totally overgrown. I dig the fact, though, that my neighborhood is about as built up as it can possibly be yet there are still trees and woods and parks and walking trails. Of course, there's the added bonus that we're close to great restaurants too. If I had to live anywhere else? That's a tough one. I'd dig living in Paris for a year. But I'd also like to move to a small town in the middle of nowhere and lead a more simple life. I know. A simple life might very well be a myth.

[CroutonBoy] When you have a quiet moment, and your mind wanders, where does it most often land? And when you're really, really pissed, does it ever recall a deep-seeded memory of something in your past that made you feel the same? If so, what was it?
Damn. That's a thinker. My mind wanders constantly and rarely does it land on any one thing for more than a second. Lately, it tends to land on my daughter. When I'm pissed, I think back to this little asshole who lived in my neighborhood growing up. His name was Russel and he was a complete and utter dick. One time, he tried to stab me through the heart with an arrow. He missed. Dick couldn't even aim right.

Posted by Chris at March 2, 2006 07:46 AM
Comments

Been reading for a while, and only occasionally comment - these are so great! Iloved the questions, and also the answers. I burst out laughing at the first 2 answers! Enjoy your day! Oh! - am I #1?! yay

Posted by: Kell at March 2, 2006 07:50 AM

snicker @ "Dick couldn't even aim right"
Man, if I had a nickel for every time...

Posted by: fauve at March 2, 2006 08:22 AM

For the record, I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. And I grew up in an even smaller one. And life here (and there) is far from simple... :) But, I wouldn't trade it for city life, or even suburban life, for anything.

Posted by: Alissa at March 2, 2006 08:50 AM

John Cusack would be perfect as you! I've loved him since "Class."

Posted by: kalisah at March 2, 2006 08:55 AM

Whoa! Where did you live that kids were armed with freaking arrows? That island from Lord of the Flies?

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 2, 2006 09:00 AM

There's a meme making the rounds with the same question "if you could change one thing"

I gave the same answer as you with the same illustraion - Star Trek. I said my favorite episode was The City of the Edge of Forever.

Posted by: ann adams at March 2, 2006 09:19 AM

Ah, Mr. Cusak. A fine choice.

Posted by: Pammer at March 2, 2006 09:55 AM

That's funny (finny strange)! Someone tried to shoot me in the heart with an arrow (it went through my calf). He also was a complete and utter dick.
To be honest though, it was the final straw in our neighborhood - the adult men took him in hand (he was fatherless) and turned him into a regular community-minded individual (cop, volunteer fire fighter). He's a very polite, good neighbor now.
So maybe you could imagine that Russel's miss was also his salvation. Or not.

Posted by: That Girl at March 2, 2006 09:58 AM

The Price is Right is a classic. I honed my pricing skills very early and always have dreamed of being on that show. I LOVED the mountain climber game with all the yodeling.

Posted by: Nicole at March 2, 2006 09:59 AM

it's not fair that you get away with stealing a stop sign, but my friends and i get caught stealing a cardboard Repent To Jesus sign.

Posted by: Denise at March 2, 2006 10:50 AM

Wow, after yesterday's "5" post I thought I knew all there was to know about the Cactus, but no...there is an unlimited amount of info isn't there???

I love learning.

And I am so right there with you on the Price is Right on sick days.

Ready for more knowledge, when you are ready to address us again! I'm sure you have TONS more to answer. Get to it! You know, whenever. ;)

Posted by: Kate at March 2, 2006 11:37 AM

Dude, are they ALL CALLED RUSSELL??? That's the name of the little prick in our neighborhood as well. Naming your kid Russell is like the kiss of death for a well-adjusted child...

And John Cusack is a great call...

Posted by: CroutonBoy at March 2, 2006 01:42 PM

Brady Bunch was my favorite too. I could tell you which episode it was before anyone even spoke (it all depended on which kid came running in which door).

Posted by: Kris at March 2, 2006 04:13 PM