March 20, 2006

Things I Could Talk About, But Won't

Monday morning again, huh? I can't say I'm too pleased about that. And my brain, it's not functioning too well. I've got all kinds of things I shouldn't talk about but nothing I should.

I won't talk about sleep. Or, more accurately, lack of sleep. No matter how apropos it might be in light of some terrible sleeping this weekend. It's a familiar, old refrain and I'd hate to bore you.

I can't even begin to go into the dream I had last night. Part of it was cool - I met some of you bloggers. But mostly it was disturbing. For some reason we were all sitting around a giant campfire in the desert, eating lots of meat while reading sections of Wizard of Oz aloud. I don't really want to know what forced that out of my subconscious. I do know, however, that the presence of David Hasslehoff was entirely attributable to Sarcomical.

I'm positive that I don't have the time or energy right now to get into a politically-charged rant about the blatant disregard for both truth and common sense on the part of the current administration in time to mark the three year anniversary of all that damn shock and awe. I think that deserves a post of its own.

Sadly, I'm not able to tell you how I put my hillbilly ninja skills to use leading a secret reconnaissance mission I led into the wilds of West Virginia in an attempt to take out those dueling banjo players once and for all. It was a secret mission, don't you know. You shall have your revenge, Ned Beatty!

I can't tell you how simultaneously amused and repulsed I am by the idea of Scientology. Or how much I love the South Park guys for this statement released by their lawyers (seriously).


So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!

-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu

Finally, I can't tell you how many cups of coffee I'm going to need to get myself moving this morning. I don't have that many fingers and, since it's Monday, my ability to count is based solely on the number of fingers I have. If you see me in the office with my shoes off, just know I was called on to do higher math.

Posted by Chris at March 20, 2006 07:54 AM

Funny what losing sleep will do to us... and of course you've peaked our curiousity as to who was in your dreams!!

Posted by: Corinne at March 20, 2006 08:11 AM

When one is THAT tired, one must say, "Screw CUPS of coffee. I will resort to guzzling it directly from the pot!"

So would this be baby-related exhaustion that you're NOT talking about?

Posted by: HR Mommy at March 20, 2006 08:19 AM

That movie disturbed me. I couldn't get that image out of me head for WEEKS. blah. Thanks for dredging that up. ;)
If it ANY consolation, my 10 yr old puked in/on my NEW docs & my blog is dead. :( Monday sucks

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at March 20, 2006 08:43 AM

Hahaha!! South Park... I have a 'love/shouldn't love' relationship with them (YES we have a RELATIONSHIP I don't care what media says)... How can two guys who delight in such 'over-the-top disgusting' manage to be so insightful about it? That's just wrong! (I love the 'South Park Flag' episode)...

Posted by: Deepblue at March 20, 2006 08:46 AM

this doesn't feel like a monday to me...more like a twilight zone extra 10th day of an unusually L-O-N-G week.

Posted by: Dolly at March 20, 2006 08:53 AM

I came into work after having Friday off to find out that I can no longer get into my MySpace account. The damn IT guy blocked it with NetGear. JERK.

And to comment with Bush, last night I found myself highly sickened after watching Extreme Home Makeover and finding out that they're going to do a special on the Gulf Coast/ Hurricane disasters. That's pretty sad when you need Ty Pennington to save the day.

Posted by: Michelle at March 20, 2006 09:00 AM

oh my god, that statement from matt and trey is wicked awesome in so many ways...

Posted by: suze at March 20, 2006 09:32 AM

Don't worry about counting. When it comes to Monday mornings, you only need one finger...

Posted by: fauve at March 20, 2006 09:49 AM

Sometimes I don't think the South Park guys are all that funny, but other times? They are hysterical. I love that press release. Love. It.

I hope you get some sleep soon.

Posted by: bad penguin at March 20, 2006 10:23 AM

I'm not talking about a lot of things today either. Like all the puking that went on this weekend. But, actually, I'm not talking about it because I think I'm trying to erase it from memory and not because I'm too tired to talk about it.

Posted by: Jessie at March 20, 2006 10:49 AM

I had to break out the good stuff today. Illy coffee. Then I chugged 3 cups.

Stop dreaming about me or you will get us both in trouble. Shame on you.

Posted by: DebbieDoesLife at March 20, 2006 11:32 AM

Hail Xenu, indeed!

Heck, I don't even really drink coffee. (Oakz + caffeine = bouncybouncyupanddownandupanddownandwheeeee bad.) Reading your entry makes me want some though. Even if decaf.

Posted by: oakley at March 20, 2006 12:21 PM

I hate higher math. However, I am reguarly in my office with my shoes off.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 20, 2006 12:22 PM

LOL. Mina had a cold so I got a little blast from the past with 2 a.m. No Way I'm Sleepin Mutha-beeep! I don't envy you the lack of sleep.

Posted by: Ginny at March 20, 2006 12:29 PM

I LOVE that statement from the South Park guys. I, too, want to serve the dark lord xenu!

Posted by: jodi at March 20, 2006 12:39 PM

Am loving the South Park statement. Mostly because I am also scared of Scientology. It's freaky shiz, man.

Posted by: Isabel at March 20, 2006 01:53 PM

Today, I am not talking about the complete twit at work who is making me just a little crazy(er).

I wonder if there are any poor scientologists. I kind of doubt it.

Posted by: Contary at March 20, 2006 02:22 PM

Did you hear that the guy who does the voice of the Chef quit becasue they made that Scientology statement. Turns out he is one and while he thought it was funny to dis all other religions, he told them they went to far when they touched the subject of his.

Posted by: Melissa at March 20, 2006 02:49 PM

I was surprised to see George Will's column yesterday (he's usually such an apologist for the wingnuts) espouse some grim truths about how spreading democracy to others doesn't always work and how Iraq is Exhibit A. I don't have the energy for a rant either since I'm surrounded by people who keep insisting that the Emperor is wearing clothes. He's NAKED, I tell you!

Posted by: wordgirl at March 20, 2006 03:53 PM

Trey Parker and Matt Stone (servants of the dark lord Xenu) are my heros.

I'm dying to see what new episodes they come up with to skewer Scientology. You KNOW this means war. And we get to watch!

Posted by: Noelle at March 20, 2006 05:27 PM

That's the thing, thought, isn't it? Scientology can sue the pants off of you, but they can't make you take them seriously.

I think it's great that there was all this high-level stuff in Scientology that you have to get to OTVIII or something to know about, which Hubbard was going to make a movie out of a few decades ago.

Posted by: Gavin at March 20, 2006 08:34 PM

oh boy. so sorry about that.

i think if you talk it out it will help keep him out of your dreams. i haven't had any yet, if that's any indication.

i must ask...what was the nature of Le Hoff's presence in your dream? ;)

Posted by: Sarcomical at March 21, 2006 02:45 AM