March 27, 2006

God, Hasselhoff, And My Android Buddy

Sarcomical just had to upset the delicate balance that is my sanity, didn't she? Apparently so. Luckily, I didn't dream about hairy-chested wife-beater and German pop sensation David Hasselhoff. That would have been too much.

Dream #1: Truck and a Street Fight
The first involved Born Again Neighbors (BAN). I call them that since they seem to be a very religious family, sending all their kids (like, five boys) to private school, spending all day Sunday in church. Don't get me wrong - if that's what makes them happy, I'm cool with it. But they do take it a bit far sometimes. Ever seen those "God Bless America" stickers with the little American flags in the shape of a heart? They actually took the time to break out the Exacto knives and alter theirs. It now proudly says "America Bless God" which, for some reason, I find slightly offensive. Anyway, BAN dad works for a company that fixes shit. Fixing shit requires him to drive a big-ass truck that's super-loud. And instead of parking said big-ass truck close to his own house, he parks it in front of ours. Beth finally told him she'd kick his ass if he did it again (although, perhaps that wasn't quite how the conversation went). In one of last night's dreams, he found another place to park it - under our back deck. Then? I got half the neighbors on my side and a mighty street fight, complete with Matrix-like moves ensued. Don't worry - we kicked their asses, although we never were able to move the damn truck.

Dream #2: Stall Tactics
I was in the bathroom at work, only it wasn't the bathroom at work - you know how locations can change in dreams and seem perfectly correct. I'm sitting there going about my business when three of my female colleagues knock then open the stall door. They explain that they're on their way to a client meeting and need some advice before they go. I proceed to tell them everything they want to know and, recalling what I said this morning, I have to say I really did know what I was talking about. They ended up leaving, as did I after I'd finished what I'd begun in the first place. A parting comment from one, however, reminded me that I had a concert to attend, so I got on my skateboard and hightailed it out of there, my android friend in tow. And if the android thing wasn't odd enough, he seemed to be traveling on a six foot section of chain-link fence with wheels on the bottom. Oh, and a robot dog.

Let the analysis begin. Although, I'm not sure I really want to know.

Posted by Chris at March 27, 2006 07:40 AM

Here's an analysis, your freakin nuts man, get a shrink! :-)

Posted by: Jeff A at March 27, 2006 08:14 AM

I can't help you on the analysis... I'm having a hard time with my own dreams. I just keep dreaming realistic things, knocking off things on my to-do list, then when I wake up, I get pissed because I realized I didn't do them really.

Posted by: amber at March 27, 2006 08:22 AM

I think your dreams are trying to tell you that you are some kind of superhero, or should be, with an android sidekick. Kinda like the TV show on Cartoon Network late at night - Harvey Birdman. He's an attorney and his bird sidekick is his paralegal - He's always typing up something. Great show. You should check it out.

Posted by: Michelle at March 27, 2006 08:40 AM

HA! When my little ones were even littler I used to dream ALL THE TIME about loud things that would wake them up. Or I would dream that I was awake nursing them. Gah that sucks.

Also last night I told Chris to roll over cause he was snoring and he goes "what? What am I making? What am I putting in this? WHERE ARE THE INGREDIENTS?"
Clearly my restaurant needs a day off.

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at March 27, 2006 08:45 AM

Also, at least you didn't show up at school naked.

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at March 27, 2006 08:45 AM

Mine are so ordinary except for the ones I call the "potty" dreams. I'm running up and down the San Francisco hills looking for a public bathroom. Details vary each time but it's basically the same dream.

Did you ever try to find a public restroom in SF?

Posted by: ann adams at March 27, 2006 09:07 AM

For some reason on your Dream #1 I was envisioning more of a Jets vs. Sharks action sequence than a Matrix-like one. I guess it was the "mighty street fight" line. Either would have been cool!

Posted by: Beth in StL at March 27, 2006 10:11 AM

I'm with Beth in StL on Dream #1, I was picturing a little more Jerome Robbins and a little less Wachowski bros., but that's probably the musical theater damage talking.

Were you reading Snow Crash lately (or ever?)... I just finished it, and now that's what I think of when I see skateboard + robot dogs.

The Dr. is [IN]

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at March 27, 2006 11:01 AM

i am not even going to attempt an answer for you. unless...

perhaps the matrix-like fight would have been more intense if Le Hoff had joined you?

i'm just could have kicked major ass. and who doesn't need a mitch buchanan in red shorts in a street fight?

Posted by: Sarcomical at March 27, 2006 11:12 AM

You either had a huge steak for dinner or you're nuts. I'd say the first one ;)

Posted by: Ava at March 27, 2006 12:15 PM

You know, you can actually die from a lack of sleep. I'm just saying.

Posted by: bhd at March 27, 2006 12:27 PM

You're dreams are saying that you kick ass and that you might be certifiable. But it's ok that you're certifiable because then you won't have to go to work anymore and that's totally worth the padded walks and valium.

Posted by: Heather at March 27, 2006 12:40 PM

HILARIOUS!!! I'd break out the dream book (yes, I have one) and analyze, but I've got homework to do and I'm really pushing it by reading my favorite blogs instead. I will say that I think the noisy truck thing might be loosely related to the electric company with the fat guys and the cherry picker - that made as much sense as BAN dad parking his truck under your deck. The android shit? Too funny for words. By the way, I love that you refer to them as the BAN neighbors.

Posted by: Cassia Zoe at March 27, 2006 01:43 PM

Oh wait! But the bathroom thing? I've dreamed about that before (not with the intelligent advice, but just the potty) and my dreambook says that you need to unload excess crap (no pun intended) - emotional or mental stuff you don't need to be hanging onto. There you go - worth what you paid for it.

Posted by: Cassia Zoe at March 27, 2006 01:46 PM

Dude, lay of the booze. Just kidding. Althought those sound like Benadryl dreams to me. I always have strange dreams if I take Benadryl. That bumper sticker is so bugging me, and I've never even seen it.

Posted by: Melissa at March 27, 2006 02:35 PM

Wait, doesn't dream #1 belong to your BAN? With more smoting of you and Beth I suppose...

Posted by: Nic at March 27, 2006 03:15 PM

You have the silliest dreams that are SO fun to hear about! :o)

Posted by: Emily at March 27, 2006 03:36 PM

Hello there Mr. Cactus. Its been so long I dont know if I will catch up but the little one is so not little anymore. Good to read ya, have a nice day!

Posted by: Kelly M. at March 27, 2006 03:53 PM

My super-special-scientific-psychological analysis? Time for a vacation, Sugar.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 27, 2006 04:09 PM

Born again people...though I'd love to just "live and let live"...are the kind of people who don't tolerate us all that much. They say they do. Really, though, they're waiting for Almighty God to destroy us with a flood the words of James Baldwin, "The Fire Next Time".

Sorry to be so negative. But the Uber-fundamentalists believe that the world is theirs. It's a fact that makes me really cranky.

Posted by: wordgirl at March 28, 2006 01:31 AM

HA! dude I can totally relate. My girlfriend was dreaming not too long ago, I awoke and her arm was waving in the air, so I asked "what the hell are you Doing" she saus Im shopping at 9 west !,. so Iprodded a little more, whose money are you spending anywas, she was broke at the time. she mumbles shane give the cashier lady your visa , I was Like WHAT, and rolled over and went back to sleep, needless to say I keep my visa frozen in a glass of water now

Posted by: its_me_shaners at March 28, 2006 08:03 PM