April 05, 2006

Two Conversations

OR, SNAPSHOTS OF MY BRAIN IN ACTION

Other than the fact that we were eating a pizza which had been kindly delivered to us, I'm honestly not sure how this one happened...
Me: Do you think that maybe Area 51 was really just the site of an intergalactic pizza delivery that went completely and totally wrong?
Her: What did they order, a hand-tossed with extra flurg or something?
Me: Something like that. Then, the whole delivery thing took more than 30 minutes because of some traffic jam in the wormhole next to the Seacrest Nebula so it was free and the intergalactic pizza chain folded leaving the government of Earth to clean up the mess.
Her: It's an interesting theory. Crazy, but interesting.
Me: Some would use the same phrase to describe me.

Money can't buy happiness, but we have Mia and who couldn't be happy with her (even when she doesn't sleep the entire evening due to the six-pack of teeth she's got coming in)? Nevertheless, we're hoping to strike it rich so we can kiss the White Trash Neighbors goodbye and enjoy the safety and security brought about by a truckload of cash. So, Beth bought lottery tickets...
Her: So, what would you do if we won the lottery?
Me: Um...a new house with some land. Cars, paid off. A new camera. Guitar for Mia.
Her: Anything else?
Me: A great big Slurpee.
Her: Like, a Slurpee larger than the conventional, commercially available Slurpee?
Me: No. Not even the largest they've got. That's really the first rule for Slurpee drinkers.
Her: What is?
Me: Don't be enticed by the largest size.
Her: Big is a bad thing?
Me: Well, when it comes to a Slurpee yes. Too much and you want to puke. I've been there. It's not pretty. And now that the weather's getting warm, lots of others will make the same mistake.
Her: You've put a lot of thought into this.
Me: Indeed I have. You have to stay on your toes.
Her: But there's no rule that says you have to consume a Slurpee all at once. You could save some.
Me: And put part of a Slurpee in the freezer? No. That would make you a big pussy. You might as well not get in the Slurpee game if you're going to hang it up like that. No, you buy what you're prepared to consume. That's the second rule.
Her: There are a lot of rules for Slurpee drinking.
Me: You have no idea.

Posted by Chris at April 5, 2006 07:27 AM
Comments

I'm not a Slurpee aficianado but I'm guessing if you put a Slurpee in the freezer all you're pretty much left with is a big blue block of ice, no?

Also, not to tell you how to be a husband, but dude, you totally missed a sign. At "Anything else?" you were supposed to say, "Why, the biggest, baddest diamond tiara money can buy for you sweetheart!" Or something along those lines. Really now. Do I have to school you on everything? :sigh:

Posted by: pea at April 5, 2006 07:29 AM

LMAO. Word on the Slurpee rules. Bigger is definitely not always better. However, I am forever baffled by the smallest Slurpee cups they stock. I can't imagine every having a Slurpee craving that could be fulfilled by that shot-glass size.

Posted by: Nicole at April 5, 2006 07:31 AM

I have been violating the slurpee rule. That explains so much about my life.

Posted by: jen at April 5, 2006 07:53 AM

The rules prohibit drinking Slurpee too quickly...as well as too much of it. Brain Freeze, you know.

Posted by: wordgirl at April 5, 2006 08:25 AM

Slurpee rules are very important. Due to the possibility of Melt factor. If you get one too big by the time you get to the end it is just flavored water. And who wants flavored water. Also if you do slurp too fast than the juice drains from the ice and you get the whitecap effect on the top and then you have to mix the whole thing with the straw. These are very important.

Posted by: Bill at April 5, 2006 08:30 AM

y'know, I don't think we call them slurpees here. I think we call them slush puppies...or just slushies.


oh yeah....and you're insane

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at April 5, 2006 08:36 AM

You're starting to make me think that Douglas Adams MUST have been sleep deprived when he wrote Hitchhiker's Guide . . . perhaps you're on to something!

Posted by: Betti at April 5, 2006 08:49 AM

Yep. Gotta have the correct slurpee size. The other problem with "too big" is the fact that (at least down here in the oven-like temperatures) it will melt.

And melted slurpee is gross.

Posted by: Pammer at April 5, 2006 08:56 AM

As well as being a punk-ass move, freezing a Slurpee would result in something undrinkable really. Thawed Slurpee, it's just not the same.

Posted by: Fraulein N at April 5, 2006 09:01 AM

heehee. i love your conversations.

and as there is about one 7-11 left in Ottawa, my days of knowing the slurpee rules were long ago...thanks for the refesher ;)

Posted by: suze at April 5, 2006 09:04 AM

'crazy but interesting'?
yeah, I'd have to say that's pretty accurate.

Posted by: fauve at April 5, 2006 09:20 AM

If I were to hit the lottery, one thing I would surely put on my "things to squander my winnings on" would be my very own personal Slurpee machine.

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at April 5, 2006 09:25 AM

List. That was supposed to say ...blah blah... winnings on" LIST...blah blah.

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at April 5, 2006 09:27 AM

What is it with Slurpees anyhow? The girls would use their lottery winnings on them a) if they could buy a ticket and b) if I would let them. I'll start following the rules and see if I get anything except a block of ice out of them.

Posted by: ann adams at April 5, 2006 09:40 AM

I find it funny how people talk about 'drinking slurpees'.

Am I the only one that 'eats' them - from the top down - only drinking when I need to redistribute the sweet sweet meltwater?

MEME ALERT! Favourite Slurpee Flavour: Orange

Posted by: Greg at April 5, 2006 09:43 AM

Don't forget the other cardinal Slurpee rule - you are not allowed to get the smallest size, either, even if that's all you want. No one can respect themselves carrying around a wee shot-glass slurpee - you've got to man up and at least get the medium size.

Posted by: Dawn at April 5, 2006 09:50 AM

I just wanted to note, from an above comment, "Slurpees" and "Slush Puppies" are two different things. If I remember correctly, Slush Puppies have the big white dog on the machine and Slurpees are usually found in stores manned by Indian workers (sorry for the sterotype, but it's highly common in PA)!! Both are delicious I will add. But watch out for brain freeze :P

Posted by: Michelle at April 5, 2006 10:02 AM

I don't like Slurpees. There, I said it. I'm sure that's the final proof required to convince everyone that I hate America.

Posted by: Julie at April 5, 2006 10:26 AM

I grew up on Slurpees and I agree that too much is not a good thing. We lived about 5 blocks from two 7-11s growing up, so in the summer we would go for our evening stroll down to the 7-11 of our choice and grab a Slurpee for the way home. Ahhh...memories.

Posted by: Jessie at April 5, 2006 10:30 AM

I prefer a good old fashioned sno-cone to the slurpee/slushy/whatever frozen sugar syrup in a cup thing. I'm a cruncher...I think that means that I'm either lacking in vitamins or sex or something.

My dad says that my odds of winning the lottery would increase significantly if I'd purchase one. I'm so busy planning my spending that I get sidetracked.

Posted by: kristen at April 5, 2006 10:43 AM

Will this be on the quiz???????

Posted by: Wicked H at April 5, 2006 11:13 AM

Finally! Someone has publicly acknowledged the rules of Slurpee drinking! It's about damn time.

Rule #3 is you can't get just one flavor. Some people are wusses, so you CAN only get two (Cherry Coke, for the wussiest of the wusses out there). Me? I layer my Slurpees with every flavor available. It's genius! One minute it's cherry, the next blue raspberry! And at the end, it's a big, sugary mess, but by then you're close to a diabetic coma anyway, so you don't care.

Posted by: Noelle at April 5, 2006 12:20 PM

surely you don't have to wait to win the lottery to get a slurpee?

Posted by: jodi at April 5, 2006 12:30 PM

Looking at Slurpees make me want to vomit. I had bad experiences with them when I was a child but I think it had a lot to do with migraines and motion sickness...it sucks when something goes down cold and comes back up cold, too.

Posted by: Rhonda at April 5, 2006 12:55 PM

7-11 gives free Slurpees on July 11. It's a fairly dinky size, and you have to ask for the special dinky cup at the counter. But, hey, free Slurpee.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at April 5, 2006 01:01 PM

Just so I know, the perfect size Slurpee is a medium one? When it's coke flavored though, I might need the perfect size to be a large. Especially in August. You guys have the greatest conversations.

Posted by: Melissa at April 5, 2006 01:51 PM

(1) The P word is not a nice word, even when being used to describe a cat.

(2) I totally agree about getting more than you *really* want and wanting to throw it all up. Ultimately, you regret the larger size choice (most often, I've found).

I didn't, however, realize how many Slurpee rules there are...

Posted by: Emily at April 5, 2006 02:21 PM

slurpees from the freezer taste like ass. :)

Posted by: ali at April 5, 2006 02:26 PM

Wow. You are SO MUCH like my hubby. If he had a blog (which I have urged him to do a million times already) it would be alot like yours. (Only not as funny as yours -- he thinks he's MUCH funnier than he really is. heehee.)

Posted by: Lisa B at April 5, 2006 02:46 PM

Is it wrong that The Boy got a slurpee maker for xmas and it's still unopened in the basement?

Posted by: JuJuBee at April 5, 2006 03:14 PM

I always forego the slurpie and head straight for the cappuccino machine. Of course there are also rules for the cappuccino drinker...Like making sure the lid is secure for one.

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at April 5, 2006 05:34 PM

One of our convenience stores in town has "Screamers", which is Slurpee layered with soft serve ice cream. Soooo good.

Posted by: Heather at April 5, 2006 07:27 PM

i think i'm about to get slapped: i've never had a slurpee. EVER.

but i do know where the only 7-11 in ottawa is, so maybe i'll have to meander over there some time soon and indulge in a medium-flavour-layered-diabetic-coma-inducing cup of slurpee.

Posted by: meg at April 5, 2006 08:07 PM

You and the meester are so alike it scares me.

Posted by: statia at April 5, 2006 09:15 PM

I'm with Meg - I've never had a Slurpee either (don't slap me please!). I grew up on a farm which gave me no Slurpee options as a child. I can't imagine that it's too far removed from a Sno Cone or a fruit-flavored popsicle. Am I far off? I may have to get one to compare.

Posted by: Beth in StL at April 6, 2006 09:16 AM

When the Husband and I lived in Milwaukee.. there was/is this Gyro Stand on Oklahoma and Clement Ave. They had the ultimate Rainbow Slushie. 8 flavors in a "cup" which was actually the 2 pound salad container you would get from the grocery store when buying potato salad. Seriously. We would push the rules of Slushie, Slurpee drinking to the max.
Brain freeze. Sugar highs. You name it. We were bad-ass.

Posted by: molly at April 6, 2006 08:28 PM