June 16, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: Short Attention-Span Schadenfreude

Before I launch into the steaming helping of goodness taken from a veritable buffet of schadenfreude available this week, I'd like to know what having these three things cross my path this morning portends:

1. An old man with a box of donuts and a shiny, silver-headed cane wearing a bright red cowboy hat;
2. A Jag-driving, curler-wearing female commuter smoking a cigar; and
3. An insanely tall man getting into a tiny car wearing a yellow suit and an eye patch.

Do you think it's possible that, overnight, I woke up in a world populated with circus people? If so, does that mean you're circus people?

Anyway, on with the regularly scheduled program. And some days, it's like taking candy from a baby. Not that I'd ever do that.

Ben, The Blockhead

according to various stories by the Associated Press...

Ben Roethlisberger apologized to the Pittsburgh Steelers, fans and his family on Thursday, hours after being released from a hospital, saying he was fortunate to be alive and pledging to wear a helmet if he ever again rides a motorcycle.

"In the past few days, I've gained a new perspective on life," the Super Bowl-winning quarterback said in a statement released by the team. "By the grace of God, I'm fortunate to be alive ... "

The 24-year-old quarterback, who was not wearing a helmet when he crashed, required seven hours of surgery to repair multiple facial fractures after his 2005 Suzuki Hayabusa collided Monday with a car making a left-hand turn in Pittsburgh. He was listed in fair condition Tuesday at a Pittsburgh hospital.

Ben, you wear a helmet as part of your job. I've gotta think you've got some awareness about head injuries. Would the helmet thing really kill you? Apparently not...this time.

On DeLayaway
Every year, politicians are required to disclose their finances. Looks like The Hammer has some liquidity issues.
from the AP...

RepublicanTom DeLay of Texas, who resigned his House seat last week, showed his legal troubles have led him into sizable debt. DeLay reported owing $250,001 to $500,000 to four separate lawyers and law firms. DeLay also reported individual and corporate contributions to a legal defense fund worth $588,320. He has predicted that legal bills will cost him $3 million.

Awww, poor guy. But...but...what about the millions you have to have in offshore accounts? Yeah, you know you're planning on hitting some Cayman beach with your pasty white old man body and making a few withdrawls.

Presidential Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome
also, according to the AP (my news bitches)...

President Bush, who often teases members of the White House press corps, apologized Wednesday after he poked fun at a reporter for wearing sunglasses without realizing they were needed for vision loss.The exchange occurred at a news conference in the Rose Garden. Bush called on Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten and asked if he was going to ask his question with his "shades" on. "For the viewers, there's no sun," Bush said to the television cameras.

But even though the sun was behind the clouds, Wallsten still needs the sunglasses because he has Stargardt's disease, a form of macular degeneration that causes progressive vision loss. The condition causes Wallsten to be sensitive to glare and even on a cloudy day, can cause pain and increase the loss of sight.

Uh, oops. What the story fails to describe is what happened next. The President was seen kicking an MS patient out of her wheelchair, after which he went joyriding up and down Pennsylvania Avenue aiming for packs of children touring the District on school field trips, all the while shouting, "Git 'er done!"

Posted by Chris at June 16, 2006 07:19 AM

That depends....do you like circus people?

I'll get back to you depending upon your answer....

Posted by: Wicked H at June 16, 2006 07:31 AM

Wasn't that impossibly tall man in the small car on an episode of the Simpsons?

Perhaps the circus performers are coming to town to sign up for spots in our Metro stations...

Can you give me a heads up if you see any clowns?

Posted by: Nicole at June 16, 2006 07:42 AM

As far as circus people - don't all people in California look like that?

Dear Ben: You really can't give helmet hair as an excuse. You are seen on national t.v. all the time wearing one. Get over it.

Tom: He's had his eyes done already (and doesn't he look lots better!). You know he's heading to some island with his hidding PAC money.

Give George a break. It's not like its easy stuffing a foot in your mouth when its already occupied by the other one!

Have a great weekend!

Posted by: Debbie at June 16, 2006 07:47 AM

It really does seem that your world is filled with circus people today. The only freak I've seen lately was a man jogging yesterday - he was wearing short running shorts, with boxers (longer than the running shorts and in a color that completely clashed with the shorts), black dress socks and white running shoes. It was one of those times I wished I had a camera because I just needed other people to see it to be able to believe that someone would go out into public dressed like that.

The Bush schadenfreude? Is the best. To paraphrase a Jetta commercial, looks like he's got the foot-in-mouth position down.

Posted by: Jessie at June 16, 2006 08:32 AM

That helmet thing - how ridiculous for someone who wears a helmet in his JOB chooses not to wear one while driving a motorcycle.

And as for Bush, how many blunders can one man make in front of a country?

Posted by: cas at June 16, 2006 08:46 AM

Maybe there is a David Lynch movie filming nearby?

Posted by: Mike at June 16, 2006 09:12 AM

Ben said that he was fine not wearing a helmet because he was very safe and didn't showboat while riding. Ben, don't you know that you have to watch out for the other guy (or in this case a 62-year-old lady)? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Aww, poor Tom. I feel so sorry for him. He's going to have to break out those secret stashed funds to pay for his illegal activity - that's so sad.

As for Dubya, I'm actually going to defend him a little bit because I probably would have done the same thing he did. I just wouldn't have done it on national television in front of millions of people.

Posted by: Beth in StL at June 16, 2006 09:24 AM

Just what I needed, a mental picture of DeLay on some tropical beach in a BATHING SUIT!!! Ugh

Posted by: Traci at June 16, 2006 09:43 AM

All I saw on my way to work this morning were minions who looked just like me. I wish *I* could see circus people. [pout]

GW, I don't blame you. Why start acting sensitive and humane NOW of all times?

Posted by: Kristen at June 16, 2006 09:56 AM

You must share more "morning commute" stories with us, I bet you'll find you see all sorts of crazy things if you're on the lookout.
(And thank you for giving me a blogging topic for the day!)

Posted by: Betti at June 16, 2006 10:14 AM

They keep playing the audio clip from Bush on the radio and it's painful to listen to. And as much as I really, really, really dislike George W., I feel bad for the guy.

I need a picture of the red cowboy hat. That sounds like fun. Yeehaw!

Posted by: hannah at June 16, 2006 10:28 AM

Oh geeze, the Bush comment ranks right up there with asking the neighbor you haven't seen in a while, "when are you due" and having her say she's not pregnant--unfortunate, but certainly not worthy of national news.
Yep, I wear my sunglasses when it is overcast...cuts the glare!

Posted by: Jaycie at June 16, 2006 10:38 AM

Yes, we're circus people. Pass the peanuts.

Sometimes when I look at your little cactus bullety things, I think they're golf balls.

I'm watching the tree guy take down a lovely, but dying, tree in my front yard and it's making me sad.

Posted by: candace at June 16, 2006 11:06 AM

I absolutely HATE to say this, but GW had a pretty good line when he apologized to Wallsten later. Wallsten told him it was fine, and that he could continue his needling, and the President said, "I will, I'll just use a different needle."

Of course, that's in Wallsten's version, and he's a writer, so he might've credited Bush with a glib line to make a better story. Yes, that must be it. The world makes sense again.

Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2006 11:30 AM

It must be really difficult for him to put his foot in his mouth when his head is so firmly up his ass.

He needs a ventriloquist. He already has someone pulling his strings.

Posted by: ann adams at June 16, 2006 11:57 AM

"If so, does that mean you're circus people?" Pfft. I scare circus people.

"Presidential Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome" That's crazy. I mentioned something about that in my own blog before I popped over here. Get. Off. My. Brainwave. It's mine. I have too few to share.

Posted by: Tink at June 16, 2006 12:48 PM

who you callin' a circus freak?

has that hickey healed yet? hmmmm?

Posted by: s@bd at June 16, 2006 01:00 PM

How did you know that I am a circus person? Did someone tell you I was the lady with beard? If so remember I charge to take my facial mask off :P

Posted by: Dee at June 16, 2006 01:23 PM

Your morning was very "A Clockwork Orange"-ish. Dude, I totally dig your neighborhood. ;)

Posted by: Pammer at June 16, 2006 02:46 PM

I gotta disagree on this one here....
all of us has said something inadvertently inappropriate. Should Mr. Bush have known that reporter had an eye disease, questionable. Should he joke around with these reporters, absolutely.
I don't work his corn in the boxing ring, but still, he apologized and they didn't try to cover it up.
Thank god the times I've had my foot in my mouth it hasn't been world news....believe me, you'd be tired of hearing about it.

Have a good weekend kid.
The Pup.

Posted by: speckledpup at June 16, 2006 03:45 PM

I gotta disagree on this one here....
all of us has said something inadvertently inappropriate. Should Mr. Bush have known that reporter had an eye disease, questionable. Should he joke around with these reporters, absolutely.
I don't work his corner in the boxing ring, but still, he apologized and they didn't try to cover it up.
Thank god the times I've had my foot in my mouth it hasn't been world news....believe me, you'd be tired of hearing about it.

Have a good weekend kid.
The Pup.

Posted by: speckledpup at June 16, 2006 03:45 PM

Why yes, I am a circus person. How did you know?

Freaking idiots on motercycles. My dad nearly died on one when I was four. Guess what saved him, the helmet. Idiots. Pure stupidity to ride without one. My aunt is a nurse, every time she see a bike, she screams at them, donor cycles.

Bush...well...he doesn't need me to call him the biggest turd in the world. He does it well enough on his own.

Posted by: Melissa at June 16, 2006 03:46 PM

I always look forward to reading your friday posts, but I had the busiest day and this one will have to wait till tomorrow. Have a nice weekend though!!!

Posted by: Ava at June 16, 2006 08:19 PM

Ok, here's the deal:

Ben is a good kid. The nice jock who didn't pick on the nerdy kids in school. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten spotting him from time to time and seeing him deal with waitstaff and fans at a restaurant. He's just a nice kid.

Is he the surgeon general? No! He's... 24? Somewhere around there? And it became LEGAL in PA to ride without a helmet about a year ago. So who's dumber? Legislature or a quarterback?

I hate motorcycles, I will never ever ride one again, but the thing that bothers me most is that when he got hurt, a bunch of doctors had to be pulled off their normal schedules to help him, and other people (who could honestly wait, no worries, but still) got their medical care all rearranged.

Ben didn't mean it. He's very sorry, and basically is what he is: a very sweet, but not a genius football player.

Christ, it's not like we have someone who's not so sharp as president or any...

Wait a minute...

Posted by: alektra at June 17, 2006 05:24 PM

I know Im coming late to this party but I wanted to say - I picked up my brother from re-hab once and took him to the mall. On the way we saw...

A man driving next to use wearing yellow rubber gloves - the kind you clean with
A woman in a small island in the middle of the highway directing traffic (for her own amusement).
As we pulled into the mall there was a man (presumably) dressed in a giant condom.

I asked my brother - is there really any reason to do drugs when reality is this crazy?

Posted by: That Girl at June 20, 2006 11:16 AM