June 29, 2006

My Parents Know I Say 'Fuck'

Have I told you guys how awesome you are lately? No? Well, you are. You've been totally kick ass with advice this week so allow me to milk your advice-giving spirit just a little more, m'kay?

Beth and I had a recent, serious and somewhat terrifying discussion about revealing our super-secret blogs to our parents. They seem to enjoy Beth's ClubMom blog (and have already told the majority of people in the Western hemisphere about it) but thus far our Internet Cactus-Fish identities have remained hush-hush.

There are pros and cons, of course, but I know I wouldn't feel the need to censor myself should they start reading (they've heard the word fuck and all the variations thereof before) and mabye just maybe they'd enjoy watching Mia, and me, grow.

So...thoughts? You can tell me I'm a stupid jackass if you want. And it doesn't even have to be related to the advice I'm looking for.

Posted by Chris at June 29, 2006 12:09 PM
Comments

I have no advice, because I've been considering this same question myself. I'm going to keep checking back to see what your awesome readers have to say about the subject.

(See how I kind of complimented myself there? Heh.)

Posted by: SpaceCase at June 29, 2006 12:15 PM

My parents know NOTHING about the Pants. I'm kind of sad for that because we're pretty tight but there are things I know my parents wouldn't understand and would be ashamed (embarrassed? sad? disappointed?) to see splashed all over the internets. I created a Yahoo 360 blog just for them. So my advice? I'm not sure. I mean, this blog is a part of your identity, as it were, so you shouldn't have a problem showing it to the folks. But who am I to talk? heh

Of all your readers, I give the suckiest advice :)

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at June 29, 2006 12:18 PM

My family (mom, sisters...even grandparents) reads my blog, which is a great way for me to self-censor - if I don't want my grandfather to read it, why would I want to share it with the internet anyway?

Each family and each blogger is different however...so you'll have to chart your own course. Good luck!

Posted by: Mel at June 29, 2006 12:19 PM

That's a tough one...I guess it depends on what you want to get out of your blog and what kind of relationship you have with your parents.

I've been reading yours and Beth's sites for awhile now and it seems like you have drawn some pretty clear boundaries in terms of what you consider sacred and too personal to post. I notice that you don't usually delve into personal problems, any marital issues (even minute) or discuss friends of family...so in that sense...I don't think that there is much risk of scandal, worry or hurt feelings....

On the other hand however, I (who have also kept my blog secret but not my flickr account) like the fact that the site exists outside of my family relationships. I feel a freedom that I think I otherwise would not have. My husband told his mother about my site and she read it for awhile...and it did bother me...I probably censored a bit more in just knowing that..I do however post a little more about my state of mind and my indulgences than you do! And the LAST thing I would want is my parents calling me to ask "is everything ok" whenever I seem down in a post...or to interpret things that I am not saying (the written word can be weird like that).

Anyway, long winded (mea culpa) but that is my 3cents worth!

Posted by: wn at June 29, 2006 12:21 PM

PS - On a completely unrelated note...have you tried
pandora.com......bloody brilliant!

Posted by: wn at June 29, 2006 12:21 PM

Made that mistake, and it bit me in the ass. So, I changed my url.

Posted by: statia at June 29, 2006 12:31 PM

i was VERY disappointed when my family found my blog, but i have boundary issues. now that they know, they occaissionally calll up and say "you seemed down on your blog today, are you alright?" i don't really like that. it makes me feel like, if i am down, and i am honest, then my family will worry and call me up.

what feels weird to me now is that some of my family knows, and some do not. i feel weird for not telling the rest of my family. but at the same time, i don't enjoy the censoring feeling i have now, why would i want to increase it further?

that being said, i've read your blog for a while now. and i think that you are probably pretty safe in telling your family. i think they would enjoy reading it. seeing the pictures and hearing the stories.

Posted by: jodi at June 29, 2006 12:32 PM

I believe you would regret it, if you let them know about it. Not in a major way. I mean, that whole bit about burying the neighbor's cat after your coven got through with it, well, that's so deep in the archives that they'd never know that. But right now you are totally free with your thoughts - or as free as you feel you can be - and that free feeling would end immediately if you knew, in the back of your mind, that your folks would be scrutinizing. Unless, of course, they are totally the kinds of folks who simply love you the way you are and take you at face value.

In which case I'm just about as jealous as I've even been in my life. My folks are watching over me and reading my blog for sure, but they didn't bring change to heaven for the payphone so I'm safe. (We all know Jesus hates cell phones.)

Posted by: bhd at June 29, 2006 12:36 PM

My father just recently discovered Google, and through its unfortunate powers my name is hooked to my blog, even though my last name isn't anywhere on it. (Damn you, Google, and your omniscience!) I've used my website to talk myself through some heavy family issues, a lot of which are about him. I don't know how much he read, but he appears to still be talking to me, which may or may not be a good thing.
So anyway, what I'm beginning to think is that as long as you don't think you'll want to censor yourself, honesty and sharing is probably the way to go.

Posted by: samantha at June 29, 2006 12:37 PM

My entire family reads my blog - I've been upfront about it since the word go, and they like to know that, half a world away, I'm still around. I have a policy of being honest - if I feel like I can't say something on my blog because someone might get offended, I need to think about why I'm feeling it at all.
My boss and my colleagues know I have a blog. That was a bit of a scare. Not because of the content, per se, especially because it's in English and they're all French, but because they'll know if I blog in "working hours" ! ;)

Posted by: Katia at June 29, 2006 12:40 PM

I outed myself a while back. It's very liberating. Or, given your startling resemblance to Jon Cryer, you could just tell the world that you're him.

Posted by: Jason at June 29, 2006 12:50 PM

My parents don't know about my blog. Well my mom knows but she can't figure out how to turn a computer on, so I'm safe. My dad cruises political blogs. My aunt and uncle know and sometimes slip about it in front of my dad, so I have a feeling he has an inkling. They know I swear, hell who do you think taught me? They know nearly everything I write on my blog. They know I'm a liberal. I actually tell them the most humiliating things I write on my blog. But still, I don't want my dad reading every day. I feel like I would censor more than I do now. I sometimes think it would be easier to just tell everyone I know and be out with it. I think most of my family and friends would be bored and quit reading pretty quick. So my advice- fuck I don't know.

Posted by: Lisa V at June 29, 2006 12:51 PM

My parents, grandma and in-laws all read my blog. And I must say, it's nice to not have to update them on life, because they get it all on the blog. But, sometimes, when I'm really pissed at my dad or my mom is irritating the hell out of me or when I'm feeling insecure about being around my MIL, them knowing about the blog is not so great, because I have to censor. It's a toss-up, really, b/c there are good and bad things. Fortunately for me, I don't have A TON of animosity toward the parental units, so it's not a loss for me, not being able to vent. I think your parents would love to read (and see) about your lives. Sounds like you have pretty fabulous lives - why not share that?

Posted by: Jen at June 29, 2006 12:56 PM

My stepson found my blog. He shared it with his mother and so on and so on. I closed down my blog that I had for four years because of it. I could not be real. I could not say that I was upset or disapointed or lusted anyone (like the hot jogger who runs in front of my house everyday without his shirt on) without it being totally twisted or used against me.If they ever read about my bi-curious days and things of that matter, good lord they'd lock me up!

I say NO WAY, remain hidden. My mother has never heard me say fuck. I'm only on the damn and shit level with my parents.

They know I have met and did meet my fiance on the net (match.com) but they don't really understand on what level the internet is like a whole other world.

Posted by: Michele at June 29, 2006 01:06 PM

My mom reads my blog and there are times when that is SO not good. I do end up watching what I say, but I figure that's not a bad thing as she could be reading it without my knowledge and then that could be ugly.

On the other hand, it's lead to a lot of really good conversations for us, and we're both chicks so the "feelings" thing is a good (if not exhausting) thing.

So I guess the question falls to: are you ready to discus your feelings with your mom?

Posted by: Elaine at June 29, 2006 01:08 PM

I think it depends on your relationship with your parents/in-laws. Are you the same person around them that you are on your site?

If so, I don't see a problem with telling them about it. If thousands of random strangers are touched and/or amused by reading about your family, I'd guess that your parents would be, too. Probably even more so.

If they're accustomed to a censored or otherwise different version of you/Beth? I'd proceed with caution.

Posted by: Nichole at June 29, 2006 01:09 PM

No way no how would I ever tell my mom about the blog. But if she was ever so inclined to find it, I'm sure she could in a heartbeat. I haven't really taken any steps to hide my name or my face on the blog.

Posted by: melati at June 29, 2006 01:14 PM

From the lurker stand point, IMHO, from the moment they know it exists, everything you write will be written with the knowledge that the most respected individuals in your life will read it. With that knowledge, I think it will taint/hinder/color your thoughts. Not that I've ever noticed that you or Beth has ever said anything that would be considered bad in any parents eyes, but still... Do you really want your parents to know how frequently you run through the house naked?

Posted by: wlfldy at June 29, 2006 01:18 PM

It's a tough call - my parents know about my blog, and I know they read it occasionally, but since they don't comment and don't make comments to me very often, I tend to forget about it completely.

It really just boils down to if you're comfortable with it or not, and how you feel about letting your family into your supersecret private space. From what I've read here (and on Beth's site), I can't think of anything that would be inherently problematic about outing yourselves, but I can totally understand the hesitation.

One thing to think of is how will they react to being kept in the dark for so long? If they won't take that well, the whole thing may be more trouble than it's worth. If they'll be fine with it, then it'll probably all be A-OK.

Posted by: Dawn at June 29, 2006 01:35 PM

Why did you keep it from them to begin with? Once you figure that out, I think you'll find the answer you're looking for.

Posted by: Betty at June 29, 2006 01:37 PM

My mom is a regular reader of my blog. Of course, I really started it for my parents and in-laws so that they could keep up with us from out of town.

It keeps me in line. If I wouldn't say something to my mom then I probably don't need to it to complete strangers on the internet.

I don't see that you have anything to worry about, as long as your parents already know that you say 'fuck' ;)

Posted by: Alissa at June 29, 2006 02:07 PM

Well if YOU don't think that it will affect your blog then why not share it with them...however if you are NOT comfortable with it then don't. Maybe the parents should know about the Cactus but not the Fish (and there might need to be some removing of links here and there).

I wouldn't share my addy with my parents...but that is (and they know I say FUCK too) but that is because I don't feel comfy with them sharing it with our familial world...

Posted by: Amy at June 29, 2006 02:12 PM

My mom can't figure out Google, so I couldn't even begin to explain a blog to her. Regardless, I haven't yet divulged the blog to my fam, simply because i haven't yet made the determination if I want to discuss them there or not. I am conflicted. That makes me deep. :)

Posted by: Nicole at June 29, 2006 02:12 PM

It is a tough call. It took me more than a year to tell my dad about my blog. I let one brother in on it, then my other one, then my sister, then my dad.

And you know, I'm not sure he reads it regularly. I'm not constantly checking my stats to see if he's visited. My sister had told me she didn't want to read about my personal life (okay, thanks, sis!), but the other day she surprised me by mentioning something she could only know about through reading one of my posts.

That said, I do self-censor a bit. I say fuck a whole lot less, for one thing. But I also think that has a lot to do with how I have changed after two years of personal struggle.

On the upside, maybe my family now gets a better sense of me through reading my blog. I mean, I lived abroad for so long, and the visits were few and far between.

So, no advice. I can just share my experience and hope that it helps you and Beth decide what to do.

Posted by: Alison at June 29, 2006 02:13 PM

No one outside my circle of friends (that I know of) knows about my blog and I want to keep it that way. I tend to disagree about politics with my family, and I vent too much about politics and those differences on my blog. I would be afraid I'd censor myself if they knew about it and I'd rather speak to the Internets the way I speak to my friends. Don't get me wrong - I love my family to death but I'm a pretty different person with them than I am with my homeys.

Posted by: Beth in StL at June 29, 2006 02:28 PM

Mine don't know about Mr. Big Dubya or DadCentric or, for that matter, Draft Day Suit. I've wrestled with it for a while, but for now, I'd rather just keep it hush hush. I look at it as a means for catharsis - there's just some things I can write there that I can't say to those I'm writing about. It all boils down to that 1st born thing and the need to keep everyone happy. There are times I do wish they knew, like my Mother's Day post and the like, but I don't want to have to explain any other posts. So, rather than go through that, I keep quiet about it. Though there might be some explaining to do if I'm ever seen wearing a DadCentric t-shirt.

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at June 29, 2006 02:37 PM

Don't tell them. Under. Any. Circumstances.

My parents know I have a blog and read it daily. Mum's great, but a recent email from my Dad went something like this:

"What does the following highlighted passage mean? Dad."

He proceeds to highlight a passage about how certain relatives don't treat me so well.

This is one small example out of many.

So yeah. Don't tell them.

Posted by: E :) at June 29, 2006 02:46 PM

The only people in the whole world I don't want reading my blog are my IL's and my father. I think, if my mom were alive, I'd be okay with her reading it, because I know she would get a kick out of it and be proud of me for keeping it up.

That being said...your blogs rock and I can see how your parents would enjoy them, but...then it's your PARENTS reading your BLOG. You know? It's up to you, though...it's a tough call.

Posted by: mamatulip at June 29, 2006 03:02 PM

Umm...generally this would depend on how close you are to your parents and whether you are ready to share EVERYTHING with them. Seeing how tight you and Beth are to your respective sets of parents, I dont see the problem in letting the cat outta the bag. Ofcourse its your decision and do let us know what you decide, so we behave like good kids when they start visiting as well! :D

Posted by: Dee at June 29, 2006 03:05 PM

Sticky situation. I can't decide with my folks. I don't think they have a CLUE what a "blog" is anyway and my Mom thinks MYSPACE is pure evil (I'm sure Dateline or one of those shows had something to do with that) so she might think I'm in a cult or something (it always goes back to being a cult, doesn't it?)...I think if I shared with them I would censor myself more but I've already started to do that because friends (and neighbors!?) have found my 'blog and commented to me about it (in person, not on the blog...which is weird) so it'd probably be okay. On the other hand I sometimes consider starting a rant blog that I tell no one about...but then what's the point?

That was useful, huh?

Posted by: carrster at June 29, 2006 03:07 PM

I think they'd enjoy it. My parents read mine, well my mom and step-dad. It sometimes makes for an interesting conversation later.

Posted by: Melissa at June 29, 2006 03:20 PM

Hmmmm.... tough one. My parents know I have one, but they aren't familiar enough with the concept to know what that really means so they've never asked me to share it with them. But my brother reads it and I have found myself without an outlet to vent about my family, so I created a very anonymous one on blogger where I post only every month or so when I really need to just bitch, moan and complain about family stuff.

Posted by: donna at June 29, 2006 03:23 PM

I take a Don't Ask, Don't Tell approach with mine.

I'm not going to go out of my way to tell them it's there, but if they happen to find it, and read it, Oh Well.

Posted by: Lily at June 29, 2006 03:23 PM

My mom, sister, husband, sister and brother in law, and a lot of close real life friends read it. Like, all the time. I'm glad, since it means fewer telling stories 400 times each. It also keeps me reminded to self-censor. But it does make me bang my head on a wall a little when someone gets all freaked out and worried about me just because I was a little over-emphatic about the venting. I know it's because they care, but I like to pretend that I'm tough and I don't like it when people get all sorry for me. If I wanted that, I'd cry to them in person. Besides, some of them are pretty bad about realizing that I'm almost always exaggerating for humor. So I guess I'm still ambivalent, but the cat is out of the bag. :)

Posted by: Leah at June 29, 2006 03:26 PM

I'm on the side of "no".

Then again, none of my family or friends know that I have a blog, not even my live-in boyfriend. I do always write with the thought in mind that someone I know could stumble upon it, but I would be appalled if someone I actually knew found my blog.

Then again, if you don't mind having your parents and in-laws knowing everything, then go for it. Personally, even though I love my parents to death, I need some distance between us. They don't need to know everything.

Posted by: Jen at June 29, 2006 03:28 PM

i don't think i could ever tell my mother about my blog...since it's a safe haven of a place where i can talk about her. and talk about her some more. and swear about when she pisses me off.

she'd die if she ever saw it!!

Posted by: ali at June 29, 2006 03:30 PM

Everyone knows about my blog, and yes I do have to edit and hold back what I say sometimes. It's not necessarily the swear words that I have to hold back on, it's other things that could potentially cause a family issue.

Posted by: dragonlady474 at June 29, 2006 03:42 PM

My folks know which is great because it means I have to call home less often. It also keeps them up to date on the minutiae that goes on. They enjoy it and I enjoy them knowing what I'm doing. And I don't censor myself aside from trying to use fuck less often.

However, (there's always a however) my crazy (and bitter) aunt found it and reads it which annoys the ever loving crap out of me. (And MT blacklist doesn't do it's job and block her. and I have no idea why.)

I also told my boyfriend about my blog a year after we started dating. It was very freeing. However, because I bitched about some of the people we worked with months before, I asked him not to read it at work. Mostly because the people there don't need to know about every detail of my (and our) life. And he was cool with that.

So, if you tell your folks about it but don't want the rest of the Eastern Seaboard (or your crazy aunt or that cousin no one talks to) to know, I suggest just mentioning that to them.

Posted by: Karen at June 29, 2006 03:45 PM

My folks know which is great because it means I have to call home less often. It also keeps them up to date on the minutiae that goes on. They enjoy it and I enjoy them knowing what I'm doing. And I don't censor myself aside from trying to use fuck less often.

However, (there's always a however) my crazy (and bitter) aunt found it and reads it which annoys the ever loving crap out of me. (And MT blacklist doesn't do it's job and block her. and I have no idea why.)

I also told my boyfriend about my blog a year after we started dating. It was very freeing. However, because I bitched about some of the people we worked with months before, I asked him not to read it at work. Mostly because the people there don't need to know about every detail of my (and our) life. And he was cool with that.

So, if you tell your folks about it but don't want the rest of the Eastern Seaboard (or your crazy aunt or that cousin no one talks to) to know, I suggest just mentioning that to them.

Posted by: Karen at June 29, 2006 03:45 PM

My parents don't know about my blog, either, and though I say "fuck" in daily life, I don't use it on the blog...just in case. There have been moments that I've thought (usually after a drink or two), "Oh what the hell...why not let the folks read what I write. They've read it when I wrote for newspapers and surely they're wondering how I'm surviving these days when I'm NOT published". Oh...if they only knew. It's not the telling of the thing, it's the regret that follows. That's what I'm trying to avoid. Maybe that's what you should consider. 1) Will their reading of your blog in any way edit the way you write OR will you feel resentment for any of the opinions they'll share with you after they read? 2) Will you regret having told them and consider--briefly--starting a new blog they DON'T know about? Let us know what you decide.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 29, 2006 03:55 PM

You are so much more brave than I. I could *never* in a million years, tell my parents I have a blog. (And I'm all growed up....lol)

Posted by: orchid at June 29, 2006 03:58 PM

TechDad is the only one of my family or friends who knows about my blog, and I'm happy that way. Well, technically my mom knows, as TechDad told her about it back when I was just starting, but I played it down as nothing, and as she hates using the internet, I think I'm safe. The rest of the family isn't big on random Googling, and I'm relatively protected by blogonymity, anyway.

It might be silly, as 95% of it is stuff I email her about anyway. That 5%, though, is my freedom to say things without worrying about her taking it the wrong way, or wringing her hands about having somehow failed as a mother if I did that or felt that way.

My friends know about that 5% of me anyway. I think I just don't tell them about the blog because I'd feel like I was saying "look at me, look at me". Introvert thing. Yes, I know I'm putting it all on the internet, but that's different.

I'm sorry, I realize I'm rambling on without giving advice here. I guess it just really depends how much you have to censor yourself around your families in real life.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at June 29, 2006 04:08 PM

Ok, I'm here for you, Chris. Worry not.

My mom reads my blog. Therefore, everyone knows about it. My Aunt Sally, who I would never say "fuck" in front of, knows about it. This has led to two things: 1) A really awesome connection between me and my mom, where there was little besides my kids before. She has responded in comments with the BEST stories of me as a kid or things that happened to her that I would have never known without this medium. 2) I do censor myself. Sure, I can say fuck or shit or whatever, but I don't write some of the posts that I would normally write because they reveal something I'm not proud of or something I consider too private to tell my mom (but would normally tell the Internet).

So, it's a big trade-off. I think it's been worth it, but I can't help but wonder what I'd write if I didn't envision my mom reading it.

Posted by: Brad at June 29, 2006 04:23 PM

I did not read any other comments so I may be repeateing someone here but My blog is open to my entire family. It makes life easier. I also started my blog for them really so they could see my family grow from 1000 miles away.

I think it was Envogue who said "Free your blog and the rest will follow." And even if they did not they were hot.

Posted by: Bill at June 29, 2006 04:35 PM

But people must occasionally refer to your blog or Beth's on the ClubMom blog? Seems like it would be too hard to hide them when your parents already know about one blog. Just the bloggy nature of things -- people link back and refer to past posts, etc.

Posted by: iheartnewyork at June 29, 2006 04:40 PM

As long as you have good relationships and no horrible family stories you'd like to tell one day, I say go for it.

Of course, *I* don't have a great relationship with my father so I had to start another super-secret blog after my brother accidentally spilled the beans. SOOOOOOOO much I can't discuss on suburban misfit. So, so much.

Posted by: candace at June 29, 2006 04:45 PM

My soon to be 94 year old mom would probably get a kick out of both blogs. She knows me very well by now.

My dad would have been appalled.

Both my sons read it of course and I think I said before we've been known to keep up with each other through the comment box.

I'm not sure how to keep a public blog a secret anyway.

I'm a little careful about what I say on the PG-13 rated blog; on the political blog less so. That may be a generational thing. I certainly have no problem with the words when I read them elsewhere; they just don't seem to flow from my keyboard, even when I'm talking about our fearless leader.

They flow from my mouth though; more than I would like.

The link here won't work - I trashed my blog last night. We're working on it but meantime I can be found at the political blog. My email address is on the sidebar.

Ann

Posted by: ann adams at June 29, 2006 04:56 PM

It's not highlighted too well but click on "the political blog" for the link.

Ann

Posted by: ann adams at June 29, 2006 04:58 PM

Don't laugh, but knowing that Beth's mom reads, and comments on, her new blog actually gives me pause about some of my replies. Silly, huh, considering she's not my mother and doesn't have a clue as to who I am, and probably wouldn't care even if she did?
I think it's cool that you'd be willing to share your thoughts with your parents, but I can't help but think it would affect your writing at some point (even though you are usually quite well-behaved and don't write disparaging coments about your family).
It's a very personal decision, but I vote no if we're voting...lol.

Posted by: Jaycie at June 29, 2006 04:59 PM

I wouldn't. But that's me. My blog is pretty much about nothing, and that's ok.

But you really do rant and rave on rare occassions. And if I recall, you sometimes discuss your relatives. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Posted by: cas at June 29, 2006 05:02 PM

Jack ass...

Oh and yeah and tell 'em, what the fuck.

Posted by: Ginny at June 29, 2006 05:59 PM

So long as you don't feel you'll have to censor yourself, then good. My parents read it which is cool - I swear far worse in front of them than I do in my blog so no worries there. But, the down side is that my in-laws somehow got the address so any venting about them (and believe me their BS would make for some freaking hilarious posts and highly therapeutic ventin) is verboten. Sadly.

Posted by: Heather at June 29, 2006 06:03 PM

Depends. Your parents may be cool with it but will other family members be? My brother saw my blog once -- the post was about my son putting matchbox cars down his pants -- and he got very upset. He told my mom. My mom, who doesn't know how to even turn on a computer and has never surfed the net in her life, got upset and told me to take it down. She never even read my site. She is convinced that putting up photos of my son will result in some crazy living 1000's of miles away will hunt us down and try to take my son.

My brother thought it was a totally inappropriate story for the internet and was worried my son would get made fun of someday due to the story. I felt differently.

So you may have to put up with other people's crap... Just something to think about.

Posted by: Lisa B at June 29, 2006 06:48 PM

Don't do it. Even thou you don't blog anything you might not tell them, it will never be the same. Once I told my mom where I blog, I felt I lost some of the freedom. It's not like I flash my boobs or any thing but now, even I wanted to one day, I can't.

Posted by: Jenn at June 29, 2006 07:07 PM

What would you want Mia to do in the same sitation?

Posted by: Betti at June 29, 2006 07:31 PM

My immediate family knows of and reads mine now. Originally I didn't want ANYONE I knew to read it, but as years passed and events happened, I decided I didn't much care and handed the URL like so much Halloween candy. They read my blog as often as I update it, and don't question me on anything. (except grammar ocassionally)

My inlaws, however, will NEVER get the site. MiL issues and all of that.

Posted by: e at June 29, 2006 07:59 PM

Go on - tell 'em!

How bad could it possibly be ...?
(cackle, cackle, cackle)

For what it's worth: my parents & my in-laws read my blog (and sometimes even comment on it). I definitely feel the need to censor myself every once in a while.

Posted by: s@bd at June 29, 2006 08:14 PM

My parents know about mine but Ive never given them my web address. They have been on my site when they visit my sister. My sister (dragonlady474) and I are regulars on each other sites. I really dont worry about it, they know I get onery, and dont always use proper language. I will say that maybe I feel okay with it because I know theyre not real web savvy and the only time they see it is at my sisters, and she wouldnt take them on my site if there was anything they shouldnt see. There are definitely pros and cons and I probably havent helped you a bit with all this rambling. okay, Im done now.

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at June 29, 2006 08:36 PM

My mom reads my blog, which bothers me slightly, and often, I find myself saying, "I will not type a potty-mouth word because my mother will read this."

However. It's my blog. And I'll say "fuck" if I want to. And she can just get the hell over it. (Or not read.)

My point: as long as you're ok with your parents knowing you say fuck, then go for it. But if you're going to second-guess wording and labor over posts? Stay in the closet.

My $0.02.

Posted by: Emily at June 29, 2006 08:46 PM

My parents know I have a blog. But I am safe because they do not have a computer!

Posted by: Maribeth at June 29, 2006 09:12 PM

Well, they read your other blogs...so...they do read your writing, right? Do they want to read this blog? I think they'd be proud of both of you, even if you say "fuck" a lot. But, on the other hand, you couldn't rant about them if you needed to. Trust me on that one....I have way to many people I know reading my blog....I would LOVE to be able to rant about some of these people....

Posted by: haley-o at June 29, 2006 10:15 PM

My Mom knows about Blogging Baby but knows not to click on my personal blog in the "about the bloggers" section.

I would censor myself, inadvertently or not. And I'm too selfish.

Posted by: Kristin at June 29, 2006 10:39 PM

62 comments.... this is probably a repeat! I would keep it anonymous. If you want to share... and have great Mia photos readily available... then use Cactus-Fish blog (removing any pertinent links, of course). Thataway, they feel included.... but aren't really. Sneaky, huh?

Posted by: Steph at June 29, 2006 10:55 PM

Keep it private! I made the mistake of telling a bunch of new people about my blog, and now I'm having trouble writing as freely as I used to. I worry too much about hurting people with the harshness of my opinions.

So now, I've started a new "secret" blog to write without censorship! Crazy, huh?

Posted by: Kelly at June 29, 2006 11:21 PM

Three words: Don't do it! Enuf said.

Posted by: VirgoJen at June 29, 2006 11:51 PM

Hmm...Tricky. Depends, I'm afraid, on your parents and what they will consider good, bad, bearable and totally unacceptable.

My mother, for instance, is very open minded and liberal and we have a great relationship. But I wouldn't show her my Blog.

Why? Two reasons;

1) It's my own personal space within that I can write whatever I want about my brother without anybody getting pissy.
2) My mother, as cool and hip as she is, dislikes coarse language and vulgarity intensely, and you can hardly call my Blog a chasm of chastity and virtue in that department, can you?

- But that's just my mother and me. It doesn't reflect badly on either of us, I don't think, and it certainly doesn't reflect on your relationship with your own parents, so I think all you can do is weigh up the pros and cons (or possibly toss a coin. Very effective method), take a deep breath, shut your eyes and then take the plunge into whichever vat of sharks you have chosen hoping for the best.

...Wow. I'm helpful, aren't I?

;-)

Posted by: Alice at June 30, 2006 07:36 AM

I still remember the first time I cussed in front of my parents. When they didn't reprimand me, I knew I was finally an adult.

Then I quickly yelled every bad word I knew and bolted from the room.

Tell them if you're sure you're comfortable with giving up a "private" place of expression. And if they like the word 'fuck'.

Posted by: Liz at June 30, 2006 09:20 AM

Some friends, my parents and parents in law read my blog. I'm flattered, but it also annoys me. Why? My mom calls me and gives me feedback on my posts. I know, she's just being sweet and all. Long story. I might just kill Sweety and come back at a new url, just because people I know read my blog.

Posted by: Sweety at June 30, 2006 09:27 AM

I vote to not tell them.

My family knows about my blog, and frankly, I am very reluctant to write about a lot of things I wish I culd get ut of my system by blogging about.

Maybe I need to start a second, secret, blog.

Posted by: Allan at June 30, 2006 09:29 AM

I think if you honestly feel that you wouldn't have to censure yourself -- you should go for it. I feel like my own website is helpful for my family and friends to read because they know a lot more about me (and what's going on in my head), than if they relied on me to tell them verbally. You might not have that same problem, but there's probably still a lot of stuff you say here that they might not hear about otherwise.

Posted by: Zandria at June 30, 2006 09:37 AM

my parents know about my blog but they never visit. i don't know if that makes me feel happy that they love me enough not to want to read something that might give them insight into the aspects of my life they're not privy too, or upset that they just don't care ;P

good luck with whatever decision you make.

Posted by: suze at June 30, 2006 10:12 AM

::: Jaw drop ::: Are you insane?! Kidding... just kidding.. But seriously though...at least for me..When my mom/family discovered my blog it was a bad thing. And by family I mean not my kids and hubby... but the extended family.

I use my blog for fun and to chat and tell my opinions about the world and all that's in it... but I also use it to vent about my life and those in it as well. And my family didn't like that at all. Especially my mom. I battled for quite awhile about what to do, since I was getting crap from my mom constantly about what I wrote... I even censored myself for a while too.

In the end I decided to stop censoring myself and just be firm with my family. I told them not to read it if they can't handle loging on and finding a post all about how much I hated something they did or said. I warned them that I'd probably call them names on my blog whenever they irriated me too and that I wouldn't listen to anymore complaining about what I wrote either. So if they got upset they had to keep it to themselves. I susggested they get their own blogs to rant about me, lol

So now I tell everyone... think long and hard before you unveil yourself to your families because even the best of families... with the best of relationships could have trouble dealing with it if you write about them at all on your blog. And if they do have trouble... The problems won't stay online.. it will envade your offline life like cancer.

But that's just my humble opinion based on my bad experiance, lol

Posted by: at June 30, 2006 10:39 AM

::: Jaw drop ::: Are you insane?! Kidding... just kidding.. But seriously though...at least for me..When my mom/family discovered my blog it was a bad thing. And by family I mean not my kids and hubby... but the extended family.

I use my blog for fun and to chat and tell my opinions about the world and all that's in it... but I also use it to vent about my life and those in it as well. And my family didn't like that at all. Especially my mom. I battled for quite awhile about what to do, since I was getting crap from my mom constantly about what I wrote... I even censored myself for a while too.

In the end I decided to stop censoring myself and just be firm with my family. I told them not to read it if they can't handle loging on and finding a post all about how much I hated something they did or said. I warned them that I'd probably call them names on my blog whenever they irriated me too and that I wouldn't listen to anymore complaining about what I wrote either. So if they got upset they had to keep it to themselves. I susggested they get their own blogs to rant about me, lol

So now I tell everyone... think long and hard before you unveil yourself to your families because even the best of families... with the best of relationships could have trouble dealing with it if you write about them at all on your blog. And if they do have trouble... The problems won't stay online.. it will envade your offline life like cancer.

But that's just my humble opinion based on my bad experiance, lol

Posted by: Tammy at June 30, 2006 10:40 AM

That is up to how your parents are. If you know they're reading this, in the back of your head you'll be doing more self censoring that you usually do. That's how it is with me and knowing that a few coworkers come by to read my blog.

I am safe from my folks because they're not on the internet. Thank goodness for their generations back in Thailand not actively pursuing the way of the World Wide Web...or a computer. Heh. They know I have a website, and that's it. They'd have a heart attack to read what I have on here. LOL.

And you've read about my being outted to my aunt by a friend. I had a disclaimer, and I'm keeping it going. Aunty, or not. You know what, I came to the US to be able to express myself, and I'm going to goddamn well do it! :)

Posted by: oakley at June 30, 2006 11:21 AM

I had a hard time telling some of my closest friends about my blog, much less telling my parents about it. My brother knows I have one but doesn't know the url. And would probably never read it if he did. I make sure that you can't find it by googling me. I do it partly to protect them. I think the parental units would freak if they saw some of the things I post about them and about the past b/c it's not always pretty. And they are very concerned about keeping up appearances.

Posted by: hannah at June 30, 2006 11:28 AM

I fear that my own family will one day stumble across "Isabel" and all of her glory (glory...haa!). Gasp.

So (like others here) have created a blog just for my family to read (and see pictures of the Sweet Babboo), since they live so far away.

It's just easier that way.

So, basically, I have no advice for you. But I'm anxious to hear what you decide to do.

Best of luck!!

Posted by: Isabel at June 30, 2006 12:17 PM

ok.. you are just a stupid jackass.. hehe (kidding but you said I could)

LOL! Hope you are having a great day!!

Posted by: soniclibra at June 30, 2006 12:46 PM

I go on the idea that online you can always be found. If you don't want to be you should use a fake name, not show photos etc. My mum and stepdad and sisters know about my blog, I'm sure I've told my dad about it but he's oblivious to the world at the best of times! If they didn't know about it I'd also have to make up how I met my boyfriend (blogging) and as I'm a bad liar, that would be a real hassle...

My mum swears more than I do anyway.

Posted by: Katherine (my blog isn't working...) at June 30, 2006 01:40 PM

I think the world would end if my parents found out about my blog. But we have kind of a weird family, so that doesn't mean it would apply to your parents!

Posted by: bad penguin at June 30, 2006 06:23 PM

I have been pondering this post and your query for several days now. It seems to me that this is not entirely your own decision, but Beth's to an extent since if you tell your parents about yours it will be impossible to keep hers out of the equation. You don't want your parents to have to lie for you.

There is, I assume, a reason (or several) that you have kept your families out of your respective blogs until now. In your recent, serious, terrifying conversation about possibly, maybe revealing your super-secret blogs to the folks, you probably talked about those reasons. You don't have to tell the Internets those reasons, but you certainly need to think about whether those things still concern you a lot. I can't imagine anything you have written being something you couldn't share with your parents, particularly since it is stuff you obviously share with your wife. If they know you swear, and they know you have a sense of humor (they do, right?), and they know you enjoy the suffering of others (um, maybe that not so much, huh?), then what's the problem?

And now, for the obligatory why-I-do-or-don't-tell-my-family-about-my-blog tell-all: My eldest sister is the one who tricked me into being a blogger in the first place, so she knows about my blog even though she has recently ceased blogging herself. Otherwise, I am not aware of anyone from my family having found my blog and I haven't told any of them about it. I semi-regularly vent about my mother and my never-blogging sister, despite my tremendous love for them. (Even if my former-blogger sister didn't know about my blog, I would pretty much never have any need to vent about her.) It would be somewhat scandalous if my mother found out about my blog, given my venting, so there is no question in my mind about whether to share mine. If I ever get married or have a child, I might create a "public blog" for my family to ooh and ahhh over, but short of that, prolly not gonna happen.

This has been wicked helpful, right?

Posted by: shelley at July 3, 2006 10:23 AM

I have found that now that I know that my parents read, I take that into consideration when I write. This can be good or bad. Part of the reason I started to blog was to write out what was going on in my life and sometimes that can include things that are going on with my family that may be hurtful should I write about them. On the other hand, it has given my parents a chance to see a side of me they might not get to see everyday. And it keeps us in touch on a day to day basis. Well, it would if I every updated.

Posted by: Jazzy at July 3, 2006 11:40 AM

I haven't kept my domain secret from my parents, mostly because of email and to show them a picture now and then, but I'm also banking on the fact that they're pretty technologically challenged and would have to first remember the address. Your blog is significantly different than mine and others out there in terms of content (read: totally parent friendly). But in the end, it's up to you and how it would make you feel knowing they might be reading it.

Posted by: laura at July 4, 2006 09:03 AM

I'm a little late in getting to this, but I would strongly recommend AGAINST sharing your blogs with your parents. I had to abandon my previous blog, which my family read regularly, and start over because there are just times when you need to blog about things in a way your family shouldn't read. And not just because of foul language, that's just a freckle on the face of censorship. More like things that you can vent about in a blog without consequence...unless your family reads it and gets offended and wants to have a discussion about your feelings because they had no idea you were that upset about "x."
Even if you think you can get away with exposing your parents to the "uncensored you" - it just doesn't work that way. You should have the ability to be as open as possible when you blog, and you simply can't be that way with immediate family reading it. If you want them to see certain posts and pictures, set up a family blog/website that is meant for friends/family to view.
And there's my 2 cents. :)

Posted by: SMIT at July 5, 2006 05:17 PM