July 12, 2006

A Disturbing, Explicit Conversation...About Children's Books

I've always shared the conversations Beth and I have, despite the fact that I'm sure it makes us look like two raving lunatics half the time. Half? Okay most of the time. I've refrained from sharing some of the more crass conversations, though. Until now. Be warned.

Mia likes go sit in front of her book shelves, pulling them off one by one and handing them to Beth and I. Last night, she was doing just that.

Me: Oooh look. It's the Pokey Little Puppy. Which is a freakishly boring book. Hey. Why are you poking me?
Her: 'Cos you said pokey.
Me: Huh. Okay. Well if that's the case, let's read Handjob, The Bunny.
Her: There's no such book.
Me: Okay, um, then The Dirty Sanchez Kittens?
Her: Eww. Do you know what a Dirty Sanchez is?
Me: No, I don't. What is it?
Her: I'm not telling you.
Me: Is it anything like a Roman Helmet?
Her: What's a Roman Helmet?
Me: I have no idea. What's a Dirty Sanchez?
Her: Wikipedia it. I'm not telling. You find it?
Me: Yeah. That's fucking disgusting. But I'm calling dibs on this one.
Her: Fine. I don't want the Google hits.
Me: And I have no shame.

Posted by Chris at July 12, 2006 06:53 AM
Comments

Oh, good lord, people! You child will grow up like me who thoughtfully said, "jackass" over and over again because I had heard it used by both my mother and grandmother, meaning that it was OF COURSE a good word!

But I guess Mia can't talk yet...so it probably doesn't matter as much. It just makes me laugh. :o)

Posted by: Emily at July 12, 2006 07:16 AM

ROFLMAO! Yeah lets get the Google train rolling. You should mention the Gaylord Perry and the Cleveland Steamer as well. Handjob, the Bunny! Good one Chris.
TG

Posted by: Tommy Gunn at July 12, 2006 07:22 AM

Snort!

Posted by: Wicked H at July 12, 2006 07:47 AM

You have me rolling on the floor with laughter! I even read this one outloud, during breakfast to Hubby! He's trying to figure out about the "Dirty Sanchez". At our age we're always looking for something to spice up our lives! LOL

Posted by: Maribeth at July 12, 2006 07:52 AM

Handjob, The Bunny is a very good friend of Teabag, The Turtle.

I probably shouldn't read your posts early in the morning - arriving at work and reading about a Dirty Sanchez is no way to get into professional state of mind.

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at July 12, 2006 08:00 AM

Yikes.... you really have no idea what you stumbled into with the Dirty Sanchez. Yuck!

Posted by: Sparkles Anon at July 12, 2006 08:02 AM

Roman Helmet? That's a new one. I'm not sure if I want to know what that is...And let's not forget our friend Slithers "The Shocker" Snake...He's a sneaky one!! LOL I gotta say Chris, your blogs never fail to spice up my mornings!! ^_~

Posted by: Michelle at July 12, 2006 08:06 AM

You are correct. You have no shame.

But you're funny. Thanks for the laugh, as usual.

My boys have a story titled "Dippy the Dirty Dinosaur". It's a real book, about a muddy dinosaur. My DH just can't leave it alone, though. Every time he sees the title I have to listen to joke after joke after joke...

Posted by: Alissa at July 12, 2006 08:11 AM

bah, I cant wait to see the search strings that you get from this entry!

We had a running joke at Mardi Gras about dirty sanchez but now I cant remember what it was. Damn jager.

Posted by: Lisa at July 12, 2006 08:31 AM

That is funny. I would end up with the book Master Baiter, The fisherman.

Posted by: Bill at July 12, 2006 08:31 AM

handjob the bunny.
ROFLMAO
brilliant

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at July 12, 2006 08:36 AM

also

ew

(I just looked it up)

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at July 12, 2006 08:40 AM

The Dirty Sanchez Kittens...you know, I bet that's a market you could tap into.

Posted by: mamatulip at July 12, 2006 08:49 AM

Okay, I totally had to look that up... and, just... ew!

Posted by: Corinne at July 12, 2006 09:22 AM

It is seriously too early for this - but funny nonetheless. You are two crazy guys!

Posted by: samantha at July 12, 2006 09:32 AM

I must admit that my husband also refused to tell me what Dirty Sanchez was and made me look it up on the internet a few months ago. Eeewww is right!

Posted by: bb at July 12, 2006 09:33 AM

The first time somebody told me what a Dirty Sanchez was I laughed so hard I cried. A lot.

Even reading about you talking about Dirty Sanchezes was enought to make me tear up a little. I don't know why I think its so funny.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at July 12, 2006 09:38 AM

I'm suddently feeling better about the inappropriate things my purple Teletubby says! Don't laugh, TinkyWinky was a gag gift from my mother. I bought yellow LaLa during a rough patch of time during college, theraputic purposes - I swear!

Posted by: Betti at July 12, 2006 09:52 AM

Yeah, wait until her first words are Dirty Sanchez or Hand Job - then you'll have some shame I'm sure. :)

One of my first full sentences was "Where is that damn record". My mom didn't know whether to laugh or worry about it. She decided to laugh.

Posted by: Jessie at July 12, 2006 10:07 AM

Thanks for that.
'Cuz I really needed *another* dirrrrrty little phrase to add to my vocabulary.

Posted by: s@bd at July 12, 2006 10:08 AM

We really should be neighbors.

Posted by: statia at July 12, 2006 10:34 AM

I looked up Dirty Sanchez too. I found a British t.v. show and said - that's not too bad, just stupid.

Then I checked another site.

Eww.

Posted by: ann adams at July 12, 2006 10:35 AM

Oh and PLEASE tell me you didn't know what a dirty sanchez was. Please, I thought better of you.

Posted by: statia at July 12, 2006 10:35 AM

This was not really appropriate breakfast reading material, I have to say.
And thanks to looking it up on wikipedia, I was exposed to the rusty trombone and just HAD to look that one up too!
But I guess I can't be mad since I was cracking up the whole time. ;)

Posted by: Traci at July 12, 2006 10:40 AM

Can't. breathe. oh good grief. I am holding in the laughs - must maintain some profesional dignity. You are making it VERY hard my friend. Dirty sanchezes and all.

Posted by: Sue at July 12, 2006 11:05 AM

That's the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of. Please tell me the person receiving the mustache would have to be tied down and doesn't LIKE it????

Geez, I haven't had breakfast yet and now don't want to.

Good name for a children's book though. ;)

Posted by: Debbie at July 12, 2006 11:13 AM

I can't read "dirty sanchez" without it sounding in my head like the Indian guy from 40-Year-Old Virgin. See also: "rusty trombone."

Posted by: Jen at July 12, 2006 11:33 AM

Do You Want A Bigger More Long Lasting Peni$!!?
Rock Hard Pen1s!!!!
Horn-Y Hou$wive$ love a Big Peeeniss.

Oh, are we done talking about sexx then?

Posted by: melati at July 12, 2006 11:56 AM

There was this guy on NPR yesterday talking about this "trend" among parents these days to be childish, for lack of a better term. He coined a phrase for it, which I don't remember. But I do remember thinking it was a dumb phrase. And he wasn't anti-"childish" parents. In fact, he's one of them. But anyway. He kept bringing up fathers who expose their children to music - the father's *favorite* music - and I was like, "This is totally Chris and Beth." And that conversation just cemented it. :D

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at July 12, 2006 12:10 PM

great, I now have The Pokey Little Puppy in its entirety running through my head "the pokey little puppy is brown and white ..." (niece's favourite book when she was 2, I could recite the damn thing by rote. Thought I had successfully unprogrammed that part of my brain; apparently NOT)

it's goping to be a lonnnnnng day

Posted by: Kathryn at July 12, 2006 12:12 PM

great, I now have The Pokey Little Puppy in its entirety running through my head "the pokey little puppy is brown and white ..." (niece's favourite book when she was 2, I could recite the damn thing by rote. Thought I had successfully unprogrammed that part of my brain; apparently NOT)

it's going to be a lonnnnnng day

Posted by: Kathryn at July 12, 2006 12:12 PM

great, I now have The Pokey Little Puppy in its entirety running through my head "the pokey little puppy is brown and white ..." (niece's favourite book when she was 2, I could recite the damn thing by rote. Thought I had successfully unprogrammed that part of my brain; apparently NOT)

it's going to be a lonnnnnng day

Posted by: Kathryn at July 12, 2006 12:12 PM

I've never understood the allure of "Pokey Little Puppy". B-O-R-I-N-G!!

Posted by: wordgirl at July 12, 2006 12:14 PM

I just learned what one was a few weeks ago when I (apropos of nothing) told the 6 people over for dinner that I was tired of not knowing.

Certainly made for some appetizing conversation.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at July 12, 2006 12:34 PM

Thanks for the delightful way to begin my day.

Posted by: bhd at July 12, 2006 01:31 PM

*copies and pastes*

I thought I had heard plenty of stuff like this... for instance I already knew about a Dirty Sanchez.

I'll have to look up the rest when I'm not at work. hehe *cringes at the thought of what I'll find*

Posted by: Lily at July 12, 2006 01:42 PM

You guys crack me up. Too funny.

Posted by: krystyn at July 12, 2006 01:58 PM

Ok, just so I have this straight...Beth knew what that was, but you didn't? Hmmm. Ok.

And remind me never to give into curiosity and look up anything else you reference on Wikipedia because now I feel a little bit dirty. :) To be fair, I did not heed your thoughtful warning.

Posted by: Kate at July 12, 2006 02:08 PM

You guys are awesome. The Dirty Sanchez Kittens totally sounds like a Cheech and Chong movie.

Posted by: ku nkiko at July 12, 2006 02:47 PM

Looked. It. Up. Ew!

Posted by: Steph at July 12, 2006 04:49 PM

OH, MY G-D lalalalalala I did not just read that lalalalalalala.....

Posted by: Pammer at July 12, 2006 05:33 PM

See? Look how much educational value your site has now!!!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at July 12, 2006 05:43 PM

I am totally NOT looking that up. I don't care what torture the rest of my evening is with wonder. I am NOT looking that up. No way. huh uh. NOT.

Posted by: Keri at July 12, 2006 05:57 PM

I'm afraid to check Urban Dictionary on that, but I can't NOT look. It can go join other things I knew I shouldn't look up, but did.

You guys are silly, I tell you, silly! I'm glad you share it with us. :)

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at July 12, 2006 06:24 PM

Oh my gosh that is disgusting!

Posted by: Dennis at July 12, 2006 06:27 PM

Okay. You made me look. And that's just gross. But at this rate with lack of sleep and too much stress, I don't feel it is as gross as I should feel. You know what I mean? Oaktually, I meant to say...

Posted by: Oakley at July 12, 2006 06:43 PM

wikipedia sure is dirty, isn't it??

ew.

Posted by: ali at July 12, 2006 06:46 PM

You should so post these more often. I love it.

Posted by: Melissa at July 12, 2006 07:21 PM

LOL! It's terrific that you guys laugh together. Sounds like you'd benefit from Urban Dictionary. That'll give you a whole mess of slang to use.

Posted by: Caryn at July 12, 2006 07:34 PM

Wow. I never knew Wikipedia was *that* informative. Nastay.

Posted by: Heather at July 12, 2006 07:34 PM

Well, at least I can say I learned something today. Thanks ever so much.

Posted by: Beth in StL at July 12, 2006 08:17 PM

LOL! You two are HILARIOUS! That was totally enjoyable.... :) So funny that Beth didn't want the google hits--I wouldn't have thought of that! I wonder what your site's stats look like today!

Posted by: haley-o at July 12, 2006 08:50 PM

still laughing. yes, i had to look up the dirty sanchez. (The old dog needs to learn some new tricks.)

Does your mom and dad know you talk about this on here?! *smile*

Posted by: kristen at July 12, 2006 11:42 PM

Oh. My. GAWD. CHRIS!!!

You have no shame, I love you dearly for it, and I don't know if I will ever recover from reading the description of a Dirty Sanchez. EVER.

Posted by: Lachlan at July 13, 2006 12:09 AM

I love you guys... I want a marriage just like this :)

Posted by: stinkerbell at July 13, 2006 01:47 AM

To think, I could have gone my entire life without knowing what a Dirty Sanchez is. Thanks, Chris. Also, it is my humble opinion that the Pokey Little Puppy is the greatest book ever, followed closely by the Pokey Little Puppy's First Christmas, although judging from his totaly disinterest when I read them to him, it would appear that Henry agrees with you. I think "roly poly", tumble bumble", and "pell mell" are completely underutilized words, particularly in conjunction with each other.

Posted by: Jenn at July 13, 2006 10:47 AM

Whatever you don't, don't look up "Angry Dragon". Seriously. Don't do it.

Posted by: erika at July 13, 2006 01:50 PM

Why did I go look that up? WHY?!

I could have happily gone the rest of my life without knowing that.

Posted by: Kristen at July 13, 2006 10:44 PM