September 15, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: The Obvious Punchline Edition

Hi. You might recall that I'm enjoying a nice tropical island vacation without the actual tropics or tropical weather of any sort. Regardless, I don't have a heck of a lot of time to go all brainiac on you, break out the funny to make up some good stuff today. So, you'll just have to settle for some quick schadenfreude. It's like one of those massages you can get at the mall - it isn't really as satisfying as stripping and getting worked over by a large Swedish woman, but it's sure as hell better than nothing.

from my friends at the AP...

The tumultuous marriage of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown -- which withstood drug addiction, Brown's numerous arrests, the decline of Houston's once-sparkling image and domestic abuse allegations -- is coming to an end.

The Grammy-winning, superstar singer filed papers in Orange County Superior Court on Friday requesting a legal separation from her husband of 14 years. The reason given was irreconcilable differences.

The Obvious Punchline: It's a bad sign when you look at this couple and have to consider Bobby Brown to be the normal one.
CNN writes...

If viewers had been taking "Survivor" for granted, here was an idea guaranteed to catch their eye: organize the players by race.

For "Survivor: Cook Islands," the 20 castaways will initially be split into four tribes along ethnic lines (black, white, Asian-American and Hispanic). The 13th cycle of the CBS adventure challenge premieres Thursday at 8 p.m. EDT, arriving on the heels of a burst of attention -- including outrage that creator Mark Burnett had played the race card with his players.

The Obvious Punchline: Well, how the hell should I know? I'm the dumbass who forgot to TiVo the damn thing. So...anyone have a copy?
The Superficial reports (here's the link - with blurred bits)...

I don't know when it happened (actually I know exactly when it happened) but somewhere along the line Lindsay Lohan decided to just completely give up on underwear. This shot was taken outside of London's Kabaret club, and once again features Lindsay Lohan and her totally NSFW vagina. There was so much controversy over her first attempt to offend my eyes she thought she'd give it another go. Only this time she's not leaving any doubt as to its authenticity.

The Obvious Punchline: Come on, give the poor girl a break. She's just trying to keep up with the in-crowd. I mean, Paris Hilton's walking around everywhere showing off her teeny tiny appetizer of a dog. Lindsay's just showing off her pussy.

Posted by Chris at September 15, 2006 08:12 AM

I saw the unblurred pics of Lohan someplace else. And then...I threw up.

Posted by: wordgirl at September 15, 2006 08:29 AM

I still think one of the funniest, craziest things I 've ever seen was when Bobby and Whitney sang to each other while shopping - "Do you like my sunglasses?" or something like that. I couldn't stop laughing. So, disasterous marriage aside, they really gave me a great laugh.

And it is all about ME, you know. :)

Posted by: samantha at September 15, 2006 08:34 AM

Whitney? About time.
Survivor? Don't really care. Havnen't been too into it since season 2 with Colby (aka eye candy)
Lindsay? Gotta love that Jane Fonda even ragged on her. Maybe Jane will buy her some panties.

Posted by: Traci at September 15, 2006 08:42 AM

They should try Suvivor with celebrities. They'd never make it, but I'd definitely watch Paris Hilton try to make fire. I'm sure the girl gets a headache just trying to make a sandwich. And Lohan, maybe her and Bobbie Brown can hook up...

Posted by: Michelle at September 15, 2006 08:48 AM

Y'know, the Houston/Brown break-up is really kind of surprising. No, I'm serious. I mean, sure, when they first got together nobody thought it would last a week. But turns out not only are they both batshit insane, they're the same KIND of batshit insane. And that's important in a marriage, you know?

I still can't believe they've been married 14 years. Damn, I feel old.

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 15, 2006 08:55 AM

i watched survivor. you didn't miss much. and i kow this is going to come off as an excuse, but the only reason i watched was because there was nothing else on tv. lame, i know. but it's the same reason that i caught myself watching the show during the summer. otherwise, i usually don't give it much attention.

Posted by: pea at September 15, 2006 09:07 AM

'Lindsay's just showing off her pussy'

Hahahahahaha. Ah, I needed that.

Posted by: Contrary at September 15, 2006 09:25 AM

I'm with Contrary. That was funny.

Posted by: Alison at September 15, 2006 09:34 AM

i'm with contrary. i needed a good laugh today.

Posted by: suze at September 15, 2006 09:38 AM

Yep. Contrary's right. It was an "ooooog" sort of laugh, but a good laugh, nonetheless.

I saw the debate about whether the panties/no panties version of the first pic was real. There certainly seems to be less question about the latest, though in the era of Photoshop, I think you'd never know for sure.

Regardless, does NOBODY learn anymore how to get out of a car when you're wearing a skirt?!? Rotate your legs out together, ladies, keeping your knees together (which might be a good lesson for Paris and Lindsay, just generally speaking). The rest of us really don't want to see your sad little waxed doodahs.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at September 15, 2006 09:48 AM

My prediction with Whitney and Bobby is that it'll be a nasty one. And, SHE is asking for custody? I am sure that her Daddy is dancing a jig underground over all of that.
And I am not too suprised about Lindsey. Hell, I caught a photo years ago with Ashley Judd and her "foo foo". You could tell that it was a complete suprise to her, and she is a little more classy of the Hollywood scene. Let's face it girls....we have all flashed something on accident at least once in our lifetimes!

Posted by: Jamie at September 15, 2006 10:03 AM

The Lindsay Lohan thing - seriously, I think it's time for Hollywood "It Girls" to learn about a little thing called modesty. I don't need to see that and neither does anyone else outside of her bedroom. I do realize that I'm getting more prudish as I get older, but as non-prudish as I used to be, I never, ever flashed anyone with my girly parts, on purpose or otherwise. Geez. Her mother needs to buy the poor girl some panties.

Posted by: Jessie at September 15, 2006 10:20 AM

Survivor? What's that?

Seriously all I know is what I heard on the news. The network is trying to put a positive spin on racism.

I hate reality shows. All of them.

Posted by: ann adams at September 15, 2006 10:22 AM

I can't believe Whitney Houston stayed with bobby for sooo long.

That Lindsay Lohan pic just helped me decide what I'd be having for breakfast...Nothing! LOL

Okay I admit I'm a survivor fan, I even went to meet Bobby Jon this summer when I was in Alabama. The Shame!

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at September 15, 2006 10:22 AM

The next Survivor should separate the tribes into "panties" and "no panties." Ratings gold.

Posted by: LOD at September 15, 2006 10:32 AM

Punchlines- *GROAN* ;)

And Lindsay Lohan just needs to give up and be her 100% trashy self... like Britney Spears!

Posted by: Tink at September 15, 2006 10:46 AM

I'd like to respectfully submit a topic for "has the world gone crazy" day:

Posted by: Betti at September 15, 2006 10:46 AM

I used to like Whitney Houston when my mom would play the tapes in the chevelle. Now, I LOVE her. Seriously. No one I know in the entire world could make me laugh like Whit.Ho. I only fear that this split might in some way make her re-evaluate and, God forbid, become normal. We can only hope not.

Posted by: andy at September 15, 2006 10:48 AM

I think we should start a poll on Thursdays to see what would show up on Schadenfreude Friday. I KNEW Whitney & Bobby would make it to the list! But for Lindsay to earn a place on your list, that is a surprise.

Posted by: oakley at September 15, 2006 11:06 AM

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why did I click on that picture?!?! Zee goggles! They do Nuzink!

Off to wash my eyes out with bleach...

Posted by: Hope at September 15, 2006 11:19 AM

Love it.

(Man, Whitney and Bobby. They are cra-zy!)

Happy vacation.

Posted by: Isabel at September 15, 2006 11:55 AM

that last one needed a top hat snare drum thingy... you know what i mean.

Posted by: jodi at September 15, 2006 12:09 PM

Oooh - if we're recommending others, how about the mom who rewarded her son for doing his homework by smoking pot with him???;_ylt=Atm66Cy1PA5byinDFEj6rqcDW7oF;_ylu=X3oDMTBhZDhxNDFzBHNlYwNtZW5ld3M-

Posted by: Traci at September 15, 2006 12:38 PM

Mark Burnett is a jackass.
Did you hear what he said about not knowing there was a difference in Asians? Like Chinese and Japanese people are different!! And not all Asians get along!!!!

I feel really sad when people I like at first show their stupidness like that.

I feel sad and then stupid myself.

Posted by: melati at September 15, 2006 01:21 PM

Oh, Friday's are always fun at Chris' place! Sorry about the Survivor thing, as I was telling Beth over at her place, I actually watched it for the first time last night. And did you know that if you click that LL picture it will show it to you sans blurred bits? You knew huh, and you didn't tell me. I think I threw up a little in my mouth! Happy Friday.

Posted by: Kate at September 15, 2006 01:44 PM

it's sad.
i can't stop watching survivor. i just can't stop.

and i have a copy, if you guys want it. i offered it to Beth - don't know if you found one already.

Posted by: ali at September 15, 2006 02:35 PM

Thank you for knowing the difference between vagina and pussy. Seriously. Considering that you're a father, I figured you might know that, but still. It's one of those stoopid pet peeves like the mixup of "it's" and "its" and I want to ask the cretins who talk about the great thrill of seeing vaginas where they keep their speculums.

But I find it sad about Whitney and Bobby. They are both certifiable and deserve one another. I mean, really, who's gonna line up for either one of them? Oh, wait. Yeah. Sorry. I see the line forming right now. Dayum.

Posted by: bhd at September 15, 2006 03:05 PM

I refuse to watch Reality TV shows. Ick. They offend my...well, if I HAD any moral decency and good taste, they'd offend it.

And I'm serious hoping Lindsay's mommie is out there somewhere right now shopping for some panties for her wayward girl. Eew. Really.

Posted by: Evil Genius at September 15, 2006 03:46 PM

Thank god she's finally leaving that ass!

I thought of you when I watched the odcumentary "Janis". If you havnt seen it, see it - it realize it the whole "why" of rock and roll.

It is all about her music, not really about her life and it is - just so good I cant stand it. If you never saw it and cant find it, lemme know and Ill send you a copy.

Please dont respond to this comment, as Id like to be a tiny part of your vacation. (Unless you want the copy in which case email me cause my pschic powers are on the fritz this week.)

I hope you had a relaxing, wonderful vacation!

Posted by: That Girl at September 15, 2006 03:53 PM

HAHAHAHAHA on the Lohan one. Too funny.

The Survivor thing makes me a bit sick. I can't believe people in this day and age would be a part of soemthing like that.

Posted by: Melissa at September 15, 2006 05:18 PM

Aaaand - don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses folks - he'll be here all week...

Sounds like you've had a great week.... I'm envious!

Posted by: Sue at September 15, 2006 06:59 PM

I think I threw up a lil...and soon more....

Posted by: Dee at September 15, 2006 07:09 PM

Wow. Lindsay Lohan makes life worth living.

Posted by: Angie at September 15, 2006 09:15 PM

Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to click on the Lindsey Lohan picture. I truly believe I'm a happier person for not clicking.

Always remember and never forget - crack is whack, yo!

Posted by: Beth in StL at September 16, 2006 12:49 AM

I feel kinda bad for Lindsay, really, because how much would it suck to have pictures of your pussy all over the freakin internet? Girl needs to get her shit together so. badly.

Posted by: Heather at September 16, 2006 05:19 AM

I've just about had enough of Lindsay Lohan. I personnally do not see anything good coming her way anytime soon and she needs to get away from that freak of a Mother she has. Ol money hungry piece of trash.
I love the photo in the pervious post. Very cute :D

Posted by: Peggy at September 17, 2006 09:12 PM

The punchline of the Lohan comment made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: Lisa B at September 18, 2006 12:51 AM