September 20, 2006

Head In The Game (But Missing Brain Cells)

I'm back…back from the conference, back from vacation. Let the games begin! I've got so much crap to sort through it's not funny...unless you're a sadistic bastard but none of you are that mean, right? I sincerely hope my head is a little more in the game today than it was yesterday or I'll never get anything done. What happened, you ask? I broke out the stupid and the way in which I did so was threefold.

Episode One: Dumb
I was sitting in the conference auditorium with three co-workers. I looked to my right and saw this dude with a weird, square keyboard thing with a couple red lights tucked into a backpack. I had no idea what it was, so I turned to one of my co-workers.

Me: Hey, you like gadgets. What do you think that square keyboard thing that guy has in a backpack down there is?
Him: Which one?
Me: The guy in the red shirt. Check out that keyboard thing on his lap. With the red lights.
Him: Um. That's the pen holder of his backpack. Holding a red pen.
Me: So, not a keyboard?
Him: No.
Me: Ha. I knew that.

Episode Two: The Dumb Strikes Back
Walking back from lunch, I came around a corner and ran directly into one of the many members of the military attending the conference decked out in his BDUs.

Me: Whoa. I'm sorry about that. You're wearing camouflage so I guess I just didn't see you.
Him: *crickets*

Episode Three: Return of the Dumb
There were a lot of people at this conference which resulted in a line in the men's room. I was standing in said line, leaning against the wall very close to one of the stalls. Whilst leaning, it seems as though I accidentally pressed a button, a button which was wired to the door of the handicapped stall, which opened the door, which, in turn, exposed the poor man sitting on the toilet to a great deal of unwanted scrutiny, I'm sure.

Like I said...I hope the neurons are firing a bit better today...

Posted by Chris at September 20, 2006 07:07 AM
Comments

I will NOT believe that you encountered a line at the men's room...POST PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE please...LOL

And I'm going to chime in on yesterday's post if you don't mind...my hubby is an IT security geek also, so I had him pegged as a hybrid of 2 and 3--so I ask him what he thinks and he says he is normal...wtf I say, I guess you don't listen to yourself talk about being router god/firewall king...sniffer this and that...plbbbt..go away :P

Good luck today!

Posted by: Nanette at September 20, 2006 07:23 AM

It'll get better today. It has to!

I was debating a guy yesterday on whether or not it was hot(it was about 90). He ended up winning the debate by saying it wasn't hot compared to where he just came from....Afghanistan.

Posted by: Contrary at September 20, 2006 07:37 AM

That's a standard joke in my family--if you're wearing camo then no one can see you. And some members of my family wear alot of camo!(the hunting type, but still...)

I can't believe you opened the bathroom door on that man. That may be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!

Posted by: Alissa at September 20, 2006 08:01 AM

It could have been worse...it could have been YOU sitting on the toilet and having someone else accidently open the door for all to see!

Posted by: Lisa at September 20, 2006 08:04 AM

"You're wearing camouflage so I guess I just didn't see you."

I'm still laughing at this....

Posted by: Emily at September 20, 2006 08:07 AM

each one of them is funny.

Posted by: Bill at September 20, 2006 08:10 AM

oh my god. the poor man.
i would have died of embarrassment had i been him. or had i been you, for that matter :)

Posted by: ali at September 20, 2006 08:13 AM

LOL! The thing with the BDUs and the door would be something that I'd do for sure...

(BTW going to Air and Space near Dulles on Sunday!)

Posted by: E :) at September 20, 2006 08:13 AM

Episode 3... poor guy!

I walked face-first into a wall last night as I was trying to get to the bathroom, which is only three feet from our bed. My nose is a bit sore this morning...

Posted by: Liz at September 20, 2006 08:22 AM

Hey, at least you weren't the guy sitting in the stall. Imagine his blog entry. Poor guy.

Hee.

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 20, 2006 08:27 AM

Oh, poor, poor stall guy. I can just imagine the slow-mo horror as the event unfolded and the poor man's face as he realized his exposure. Did the door reshut on its own or did someone have mercy on him?

Posted by: Nicole at September 20, 2006 08:30 AM

I'm laughing.

I suppose that makes me a sick bastard.

meh.

Posted by: s@bd at September 20, 2006 08:42 AM

Um, Return of the Dumb is definitely my favorite episode. I feel bad for the guy in the stall, but that is freaking hillarious!

Posted by: Jessie at September 20, 2006 08:57 AM

OMG, you poor thing. What a day! I swear I'm laughing *with* you. ;)

Posted by: Traci at September 20, 2006 09:18 AM

My son in back on active duty on the border (at least it's not Iraq). We use that camo line on him all the time.

I have never seen a line at the men's room either. Been screaming about it for years.

Any women at that conference?

Posted by: ann adams at September 20, 2006 09:25 AM

COFFEE.

i recommend a double dose of coffee. ;)

Posted by: Sarcomical at September 20, 2006 09:32 AM

OMG...I am laughing so loud the guys in my office wearing BDUs are wondering why! :-) Guess you needed more java!

Posted by: Steff at September 20, 2006 09:54 AM

Awwww.... *pat* I think the camouflage joke is funny, too.

We've been hit with the stupid stick over here, too. Hopefully it will be better for everybody, today.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at September 20, 2006 10:16 AM

I don't care what that guy thought. It will always be funny to act like you can't see someone wearing camouflage. ALWAYS.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at September 20, 2006 10:17 AM

Each one got funnier as I read... That poor guy.

We also make that joke about people in camo. (Hubby's brother wears it ALL THE TIME, so we pretend we can't see him... yeah, we're dorks.)

Glad it over. Hope you can hide today and regroup.

Posted by: Karen at September 20, 2006 10:23 AM

I've got to agree with the previous comments, how can a person not laugh at a "can't see you in cammo" comment?

Thank you for sharing your "dumb" trilogy, always makes me feel better to know I've got company. . .

Posted by: Betti at September 20, 2006 10:24 AM

You'd think those automatic doors would have some sort of latch to prevent an accident like that!

And I think the camo joke is funny.

Posted by: bad penguin at September 20, 2006 10:24 AM

Shut up. YOU DID NOT! Oh my god, I can't stop laughing. You are a liar!!! :) AHAHAHAHAHA You did not open a stall exposing someone in the bathroom. AHHAHAHAHHAHA! Tears, there are tears....you made tears. And the camouflage joke, that was good stuff.

Posted by: Kate at September 20, 2006 10:33 AM

WOW. You ARE special.

I can't believe you really made that crack to the camo guy though. That's good stuff.

Posted by: Brad at September 20, 2006 10:36 AM

the guy must have been in special forces not to laugh at that second one.

Posted by: jodi at September 20, 2006 10:36 AM

I thought the camouflage crack was funny. I always wonder where the girls wearing pink camo are hiding. Interesting.

Posted by: molly at September 20, 2006 10:52 AM

The camo joke is totally funny! I would have said the same thing. Of course, Camo-Wearing Guy has probably heard it a million times.

Episode three is hilarious and mortifying, all rolled up into one. Wow...

Posted by: Jenn at September 20, 2006 10:57 AM

All these women just don't get it, do they Chris. There are damn lines at the dude's room, they just don't leak out into the hallway. Arrghh.

And I'm not sure why, but something deep down tells me that 'that asshole deserved it'. I'm sure I'm right.

Posted by: andy at September 20, 2006 11:01 AM

Oddly, it is a relief to read this. I just returned from a vacation that was jam packed with moments of embarassing... including getting lost several times, being at a loss of words when people talked to me at a party and staring at them doe-eyed, and vomiting (multiple times) at an art show. Yeah.

Posted by: krystyn at September 20, 2006 11:16 AM

Episode II definitely made my morning.
Thanks!

Posted by: Hannah at September 20, 2006 11:16 AM

The first one took me a minute to get...so don't feel bad, I probably would've done the same as you. The second one was HILARIOUS. My friend and I used to do that all the time in college when we'd see the ROTC people decked out in their camo. We'd be all OH MY GOD A FLOATING HEAD!

heh

The third one is just...I can't find words. It's like something out of a movie. hehe Way to go!

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at September 20, 2006 12:18 PM

lol lol lol - II and III were my favs!

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at September 20, 2006 12:18 PM

I almost choked on ravioli reading the first comment...It must have been early..yeah...you're eyes were deceiving you! But still funny :) And would doesn't laugh at a camo joke, especially the "I can't see you" ones. What a jerk. But just think, he could've been the one in the bathroom stall...Wow, that would defintely make for a good camo joke!

Posted by: Michelle at September 20, 2006 12:24 PM

I am That sarcastic, and thus this entry caused me to snort my coffee out of my nose.

Chris, I'm laughing at you, not with you.

Posted by: Michele at September 20, 2006 01:39 PM

They actually put one of those opener things on a bathroom door? That's just asking for it in my opinion. Couldn't the guy lock it?

Posted by: Heather at September 20, 2006 02:29 PM

I sure did get a good chuckle out of picturing that poor helpless man in the open stall, for all to see. Tell me, did you realize immediately that you were the reason his stall door was open or were you looking around like, wonder what happened? Did you pretend it wasnt you responsible?

Posted by: alfredsmom at September 20, 2006 02:51 PM

ROFLMAO!!!! Thats tooo freaken funny!!!I so needed that!!

Gas to conference= $23.00
Pens to scribble during conference= $6.00
Knowing you let out the stupid= PRICELESS

Posted by: CJ at September 20, 2006 03:26 PM

Some days you are the windshield, and some days you are the bug...

Number 2 made me chuckle.

(formerly azzybee.com)

Posted by: azzy at September 20, 2006 03:40 PM

OMG, I'm laughing so hard!!!

When the door opened on the handicapped stall, you should have said, Excuse me sir, but your time is up. There are people waiting, you know.

But seriously - a LINE for the men's room? Was this conference on an alternate universe?

Posted by: Evil Genius at September 20, 2006 05:31 PM

LMAO! Omg, they should really have a safety feature on that handicap-stall button.

Chris, I think you're the ONLY person I'd enjoy being around with at that convention. :)

Posted by: Tink at September 20, 2006 05:34 PM

Accidentally pressed a button huh? I think you actually had a battle with your conscience and the little guy with red pointy ears won over the white fluffy good guy. I can fully understand though, you just wanted some good quality entertainment - versus the sameness of the conference you were attending.

Posted by: Dr Freewill at September 20, 2006 06:17 PM

OK as a former Soldier, I can tell you the first hundred thousand times, it gets a chuckle. From then on? Not so much. Unless it's a hot chick then it's freaking HILARIOUS! MY GOD she's so funny! Maybe you should get a boob job and try it again. You should have told stall guy you were an inspector and asked to see his handicapped sticker. Humph! Hope it got better man. *snicker*

Posted by: Tommy at September 20, 2006 07:27 PM

Didn't get your usual donut and coffee before you get to the convention I see...

Posted by: oakley at September 20, 2006 07:42 PM

I didn't even know they made toilet stalls with the button!

Posted by: Beth in StL at September 20, 2006 10:49 PM

Oh NO!!!!! Episode three just did me in! AAAA!!!

Posted by: Kristen at September 20, 2006 11:01 PM