November 03, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: I See Stupid People

I figured last week was a fluke. I mean, there was just so much strange stuff going on. This week, the Schadenfreude Fairy was even better. Enjoy.

Part I: Anna Does...Well...Everyone

...according to the AP...
A businessman embroiled in a property dispute with Anna Nicole Smith said Thursday he wants to evict the reality TV star from the mansion where she has been secluded since her son's death in September.

South Carolina developer G. Ben Thompson, who says he is a former boyfriend of Smith, told reporters that he loaned her money to buy the waterfront mansion for nearly $1 million, but she has failed to make payments on the mortgage.

Smith, a former Playboy Playmate, has cited ownership of the home as the basis of her claim of residency in the Bahamas, where she came to give birth to a daughter. Her 20-year-old son, Daniel, died under mysterious circumstances at the hospital three days after she gave birth.

Thompson, of Myrtle Beach, said Smith told him that he was the father of her new daughter, Dannielynn. The developer, however, told reporters that he's certain he is not the father.

Hi, a word from Captain Obvious - Anna's fucked up. First, she's tragic. Tragically tragic. And there are apparently very few heterosexual men who may not be the father of the unfortunately named Dannielynn. Is there anyone besides me with whom Anna hasn't done the horizontal mambo? Worse are recent accusations that Anna dyed Dannielynn's hair black to make her better resemble supposed-father Howard K. Stern.

Part II: Full Contact Governin'

...again, more from the AP...
Sen. George Allen and Democrat Jim Webb entered the final week of their bitter and sometimes bizarre campaign with Allen refusing to denounce his supporters' manhandling of a liberal blogger and accusing Webb of provoking the incident.

Polls show their race is close and could help determine whether the GOP retains its U.S. Senate majority.

Webb, campaigning in Richmond, said he knew nothing of the incident Tuesday in which men wearing blue Allen lapel stickers put University of Virginia law student W. Michael Stark in a choke hold and slammed him to the floor after an Allen rally at a Charlottesville hotel.

Yeah, us liberal bloggers really pose a threat. What were you afraid of Mr. Allen? The guy wasn't poor, wasn't speaking a foreign language, wasn't reciting long passages of sexually explicit fiction and he clearly wasn't black. If I've got my facts straight those are the things that seem to threaten you most. So, what's the deal? Oooh, maybe he was gay!

Part III: Democrats Can Be Asshats Too

...this time from CNN...
Sen. John Kerry has apologized for a "poorly stated joke," which the Massachusetts senator said was aimed at the president but was widely perceived as a slam on U.S. troops.

President Bush and other Republicans had been calling on Kerry, the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee, to apologize to U.S. troops for telling college students in California Monday that if they didn't get an education, they would end up "stuck in Iraq."

The president denounced Kerry's remarks as "insulting" and "shameful" to U.S. service members. But Kerry insisted that his comment was actually a "botched" joke aimed at Bush, and he accused the White House and Republicans of trying to "distort" what he said for political advantage in next week's midterm elections.

Let it be known that I make fun of Republicans and Democrats. Example - "botched joke"? I voted for the guy but doesn't that pretty much describe his whole run for office?

Part IV: Politically Incorrect
Finally, last but not least, there's the always-talentless Bill Maher. I know the burning question you've been asking all week - what did Bill Maher dress up as for Halloween? If you guessed a dead, stung-through-the-heart Steve Irwin - ding ding ding - you win. Take a peek for yourself. Asshole (him, not're wonderful)!

Posted by Chris at November 3, 2006 07:00 AM

OMG! I'm the first commenter, and I even live in the Central Time Zone!

Posted by: Heather at November 3, 2006 07:05 AM

Man, I never did like Bill Maher, the smug bastard.

I just cannot help feeling sorry for Anna Nicole and her whole trainwreckiness.

Posted by: Contrary at November 3, 2006 07:41 AM

I think Kerry wins the dubious prize this week. His comment was hard to believe.


Posted by: cassie-b at November 3, 2006 07:46 AM

I think the Bill Maher thing was the worst. I mean, come on! Who did he think was going to like that costume?

Posted by: Alissa at November 3, 2006 07:57 AM

Kerry's mistake was not claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. That may have gotten him better press this week.

Posted by: William at November 3, 2006 08:10 AM

And just to add to the Schadenfreude....Ann Coulter is being investigated for supposedly voting in the wrong precinct in a local election. It's really not that hard to vote...They even tell you where to go!!! Wow...

Posted by: Michelle at November 3, 2006 08:10 AM

There really is a lot going on in the world lately that are just too weird. I caught the Ann Coulter thing too, and then this morning, top story on the today show was headlined "Evengelical Leader in Sex Scandal" - apparently this guy who is a top campaigner against gay marriage had a three year relationship with a male escort and not only that, he did crystal meth in front of the guy. I have no idea why he'd trust the male escort not to tell on him - I think that was the biggest mistake of them all.

Posted by: Jessie at November 3, 2006 08:34 AM

Oh, and I really kind of feel bad for Anna Nicole. She really is just way messed up. It's pretty sad.

Posted by: Jessie at November 3, 2006 08:35 AM

never been a fan of Kerry (coming from MA i have all too much knowledge of what an ass he is) - he apologizes that WE mistook his statement. he can't even admit he's an ass. heard he wants flags in MA as half mast in honor of his dead political career.

never been a fan of Maher either - that was just low and horrible and sickening that he dressed like that.

(psst... i'm looking for some new music, what do you recommend?)

Posted by: monique at November 3, 2006 08:36 AM

It's too early to get into a long political thing but Kerry had his history straight. He and I both remember Viet Nam and who sat out the war in the TX National Guard (not to mention all the college student deferments to avoid the draft). It was his timing and his phrasing that sucked.

Posted by: ann adams at November 3, 2006 08:38 AM

you know...I think Rush Limbaugh and John Kerry are quite possibly the stupidest humans on earth. They should do a show on Fox.

Posted by: linda at November 3, 2006 08:59 AM

Anna Nicole is just sad and messed up.
Kerry definitely stuck his foot in his mouth. I admit I got a chuckle out of this response to his comment.

As for Bill Maher, what an asshole.

Posted by: Traci at November 3, 2006 09:10 AM

Maybe Senator Allen thought the blogger was jewish.

He hates that ethnic group, too.

Posted by: Allan at November 3, 2006 09:14 AM

I don't think poor taste and hilarious are mutually exclusive. So while I think it's kind of crude that Maher dressed up as Irwin, it's still funny.

Not original, though. Hell, it was on South Park several weeks ago, and I have at least two friends who wore the same costume, and from the looks of that picture of Maher, did a much better job putting it together.

Posted by: Adam at November 3, 2006 09:15 AM

Anna Nicole is truly tragic. We should all just ignore her so she can live her crazy fucked up life in peace. And also, so I don't have to keep hearing about her. Because, aside from big boobs and a nack for golddigging, what is her value?

also, i'm cranky this morning, so meow.

And the steve irwin costume? tacky and tasteless, just as we'd expect from mr. maher.

Posted by: suze at November 3, 2006 09:30 AM

Poor Anne Nicole she needs some serious psychological intervention here. I feel so sorry for that new baby and its little life that lays before it.
On John Kerry, my gosh the man is a multi millionaire why doesn't he just buy a brain transplant. He already looks like Frankenstein so why not be one. I can't believe he could be so stupid as to say what he did. He didn't earn all that money being smart did he?
The Steve Irwin thing breaks my heart cause I am one of those people who thought he was so great.
Have a great week-end Chris!

Posted by: Pat (Trish) at November 3, 2006 09:33 AM

I really hope that I never reach a point where my life can be summarized as "reality show star" and "former Playboy playmate". She'd be a lot happier if she stopped clutching her 15 minutes so tightly, and just dropped out of the public eye, but she's never going to realize that, poor thing.

I can sympathize a little for Kerry, given how often I've said things that didn't come out right, but then that's why I don't make public speeches.

The Steve Irwin costume? Too soon. Does nobody understand the concept of "tacky" anymore?

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at November 3, 2006 10:05 AM

The Steve Irwin costume was sick. Let's be frank, I think his blather would be better received if he was even slightly good looking. But he's ugly AND he's an asshat. I think one time in the 5th grade he told a fart joke and some other 11 year old said it was enlightening and humorous. Ever since the 5th grade, then, the guy has felt that his input was vital.

Posted by: kristen at November 3, 2006 10:10 AM

The tacky! Not even remotely funny.

Posted by: Kelly at November 3, 2006 10:11 AM

I knew there was a reason I didn't like Bill Maher. Seriously, he is the main thing keeping me from watching his show.

Also, Kerry really fucked up. I mean, I kind of understand where he was going, as an indictment of the military's shady recruiting practices, but he should have maybe rolled that around in his head some more and then kept his mouth shut. Also, calling it a "joke" is just making things worse. If I were a Democrat running for office right now I'd just be thinking shutupshutupshutup.

Posted by: Fraulein N at November 3, 2006 10:13 AM

I hate Bill Maher with every fiber of my being.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at November 3, 2006 10:34 AM

SO WRONG. Bill Maher is so wrong.

Posted by: Noelle at November 3, 2006 10:51 AM

*sigh* hell in a handbasket... hell in a handbasket....

Posted by: Corinne at November 3, 2006 11:05 AM

Yeah, it's too early for that.... although he's probably one of 10,000 that did that costume this year. I've seen a couple on flickr.

BTW, my bad css must be rubbing off on you. Your sidebar is below the comment box today.

Posted by: Brad at November 3, 2006 11:06 AM

hate bill maher.
and now i hate him even more.
that is in such poor, poor taste.

Posted by: ali at November 3, 2006 11:18 AM

Yes... poor taste indeed by Bill Maher.

And I'm SO GLAD you felt the same way about the comment Kerry made... idiot. (him, not you - I think you're great too)

Posted by: Snidget at November 3, 2006 11:23 AM

I thought Maher's costume was funny, like Ted Danson in black-face kind of funny, it didn't make me laugh, but at least they were making people mad, which means they are paying attention. I've always believed in the "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" school of thought. I offer this line of thinking to Kerry as well, but I think he might be afraid to take an actual stand.

Posted by: whit at November 3, 2006 12:35 PM

Maher wasn't even being original; he stole it from "South Park".

As for Kerry, yeah, way off base. An apolgy is owed to all of the many, many Congressmen whose kids are on the front lines in Iraq.

Posted by: Jason at November 3, 2006 01:08 PM

I have not slept with Anna either.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at November 3, 2006 01:22 PM

I just wanna say that I want to thank everyone here who thought John Kerry's attempt at humor was waaaayyyy off the mark. I say this as a willing volunteer of said military, the brother of a West Point grad, the son of an Army nurse, the cousin of a Marine and the nephew of three Korean War vets.

Soldiers today are not stupid nor are they desperate. Today's military isn't cut out for the dumb or barely breathing. Even the Infantry, often the most maligned of the branches, is more high-tech and advanced than most people realize. I'm sorry, Ann, but Vietnam stereotypes no longer apply to today's soldiers. With a draft, you get what you get. A volunteer military is far more selective.

I apologize for the rant -- I've just been fairly pissed off most of the week.

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at November 3, 2006 01:27 PM

bi-partisanship ?!

Now I know I'm not reading Coulter's blog.

Posted by: s@bd at November 3, 2006 01:50 PM

Don't any of these people have "people" who look after them? Granted, Anna Nicole needs something of an amry to keep up with her from the looks of things. I fear that her baby will grow up thinking that alternate reality is normal.

The politicians are, somehow, worse. Public speaking should always be carefully thought out and considered. You shouldn't make jokes unless you are actually funny. (Take note Bill Maher)

Posted by: Annie at November 3, 2006 02:24 PM

Ye gods, man!

Posted by: sue at November 3, 2006 03:11 PM

Oh.My.God. No he di'ent!

Posted by: Kate at November 3, 2006 03:12 PM

Wow. There's just no asshat shortage in this country, is there? :-)

Posted by: Evil Genius at November 3, 2006 04:11 PM

I have a confession to make...

I am the father of Anna Nicole's baby.

That said, what the hell is wrong with Bill Maher? Is he suicidal and wants someone else to do the dirty work? Cause I'm thinking there are a whole lot of pissed off Australians right now that would love to make that blood real.

Posted by: Tink at November 3, 2006 05:06 PM

Did a post today on Kerry. I actually think he's right, in a way. It's the elephant in the room; the Republican machine has taken advantage of the current target demographic of Army and USMC recruiters - kids fresh out of high school with no job or college prospects - with their constant, subtle and not so subtle "Saddam was behind 9/11" references. Add to that the nature of recruitment ads - all featuring either high-tech billets (learn to fly helicopters!) or cool Special Forces jobs (the Navy ads especially - most of them feature the SEALs, because that's what the Navy's really all about; oh, they have a couple of boats, but it's mostly guys HALO jumping and scuba diving, don't ya know), all aimed at kids who otherwise face a future of operating a deep fryer at the local Whataburger.

Posted by: Jason at November 3, 2006 05:08 PM

I am totally speechless at this week faux pas! And I thought my ex was the only moron around. It appears not!

Posted by: Maribeth at November 3, 2006 06:16 PM

I'm suprised Haggard wasn't included in your list today. He's a prime target!

Posted by: Carrie Jo at November 3, 2006 07:17 PM

1. I'm sorry she lost her son. After watching Entertainment Tonight this week though, it's clear that she's now using his loss as a publicity stunt, and that is unforgivable.
2. I hope for everyone's sake, not just those of you that live in VA, that Webb wins that election.
3. Dammit, Kerry, you couldn't have just kept your mouth shut for one more week, could you?
4. Maher is a pompous creep who treats women like trash. Here's more evidence that he has no class.

Posted by: Beth in StL at November 3, 2006 08:23 PM

Anna is an easy target, always has been. She scares me a bit, and that was even before all of this nonsense about her naming a child Dannielynn and possibley dying it's hair. But the guy who wants to claim the guy is hi because of one date a year ago just wants her money and he's just as bad.

I never liked Kerry, so I'm not suprised what he said or what he thinks. I voted for him, but I didn't like him. Now Edwards, he's a good pick. I only hopes he runs for President. Kerrys a shmuck.

Posted by: Melissa at November 3, 2006 08:49 PM

I can't believe the only interviewer Anna Nicole Smith let interview her was the host of Entertainment tonight.... Classy.... I guess further indicating her life is for entertainment purposes only.... Well, then again, I can totally believe this.... So sad, though, all of it. Tragic tragedy indeed. But, something tells me she likes the publicity (sick thought -- I'm sure she's hurting bad, too, although another thing tells me she's numb)....

Posted by: haley-o at November 3, 2006 09:09 PM

Am I the only one that finds it disturbing she named her daughter after her dead son?

Kerry's joke was really, really stupid -- but it made for great material on the Colbert Report.

Only slightly related, tonight I found out that the Republican candidate for Governor in my state is totally in the closet even though he opposes adoption by gay couples and in support of an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to ban gay marriage.

I am so confused.

Apparently, so is he.

Posted by: krystyn at November 4, 2006 12:08 AM

A rich, rich deposit of Schadenfreude. I think the prize goes to Maher, IMHO. I feel sorry for Anna, there's a slight possibility the politicians didn't know what they wre gettin' into...but Maher...jeez. What an asshole.

Posted by: Heather at November 4, 2006 12:38 AM

What are you talking about? I LOOOOOOVE the name Dannielynn!!!! Hehehehehe...

I think I'll just shut up and go dress up in my Steve Irwin Halloween costume. :)

Posted by: Zandria at November 4, 2006 10:14 PM

It is a sad time. I thought Kerry was stupid to have made that remark. At the same time, I think Bush has done more harm to American servicemembers than anyone else in the world and continues to put them in more and more danger while he praises them. As a veteran I know exactly how free a service member is to speak his or her mind. I don't know a single survivor of Vietnam who would have said thanks for keeping me in a war we couldn't win folks. I may just not be seeing it clearly. A lot of vets have that problem. We tend to be cynical.

Posted by: Gillian at November 5, 2006 12:21 AM

I had heard all of those reports, but when you put them together on the same blog like this, you have to wonder if the country truly is insane!Bill Maher is truly an asshole.

Posted by: Nina at November 5, 2006 09:11 AM

I would just like to take this moment to stress that I am not, repeat, NOT the father of Anna Nicole's baby.


Posted by: Kevin at November 5, 2006 01:53 PM

ok, it's sad that a.n.'s son died, but it is NEVER okay to name a child dannielynn, just in case anyone was on the fence with that one.

as for b.m., i've never found him to be very clever, but i gotta give him props for the costume. if we can't laugh at this stuff, well, life would just be boring.

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