November 17, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: WTFOJ

Okay, so, let's say that I swore to you that I didn't stop for donuts and coffee on my way into work. You may or may not believe me, given what you know about me and my habits. But let's say I told you in great detail how I would have stopped for them if I had hypothetically stopped. Further, let's say I described the taste of the hot coffee and the sugary goodness of the magically delicious donuts. You know, if I'd stopped, which I claim I hadn't. Would you believe me? Are you confused? Well, I think this sets the stage for this week's Schadenfreude. Prepare to have your brain assaulted with a big bolt of stupid.

...courtesy of Reuters...

The Fox television network says it plans to air an O.J. Simpson interview this month in which he describes, hypothetically, how he would have killed his ex-wife and her friend 12 years ago if he had committed the crime.

The taped interview was conducted by Judith Regan, whose publishing label, ReganBooks, plans to release a book written by Simpson, titled "If I Did It," that also contains his hypothetical account of the double slaying, the network said in a statement on Tuesday.

News of the book raised eyebrows in the publishing community, where some questioned whether it went too far in exploiting a tragedy.

Denise Brown, the sister of victim Nicole Brown Simpson, said in a statement, "It's unfortunate that Simpson has decided to awaken a nightmare that we have painfully endured and worked so hard to move beyond."

I don't need to add brilliant, insightful commentary here, do I? Surely you know what I'm thinking.

Posted by Chris at November 17, 2006 07:07 AM
Comments

I heard about this yesterday!

How ridiculous. I mean - serioiusly. If I had done it, how I'd have done it?

Posted by: Emily at November 17, 2006 07:32 AM

Would it be ok if I gave my hypothetical account of how I want to run O.J. over in my car? Hint: I'd be going really fast.

Posted by: Contrary at November 17, 2006 07:44 AM

You want to really laugh? When I saw this article I immediately thought, "dude... Chris is SO going to say something about this Friday".

Posted by: Jeff at November 17, 2006 07:45 AM

please. that this man would do this shouldn't be a surprise to people. is there anyone in the world who doesn't believe he did it? what's sick to me is that there are people out there who will buy the fucking book. those are the people that this entry should be about. i expect nothing less from him because he's crazy but i keep expecting more from the general public and it keeps letting me down damn it. ugh.

Posted by: pea at November 17, 2006 07:52 AM

This makes me sick. The Goldmans are asking that everyone boycott this show and let Fox know how appalling it is to give this man publicity and let him make money on the murder.

Posted by: Lisa at November 17, 2006 07:52 AM

I personally think Judith Regan has a reserved suite in hell, where she will be ritually slaughtered daily for eternity, while others buy tickets and watch.

Posted by: Nicole at November 17, 2006 08:09 AM

Contrary made me laugh.

Posted by: Leah at November 17, 2006 08:12 AM

I heard there is going to be a sequel..by Michael Jackson Called "If I did Kids"

Posted by: William at November 17, 2006 08:13 AM

The man is one freak short of a circus, you know? He's a cold-blooded killer who got away with something horrendous...and yet...and yet...his supersized ego won't allow him to keep his mouth shut. How does the saying go? "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." Substitute the word 'killer' for the word 'fool' and you've got O.J. To even be willing to consider speaking publicly about how you would kill a person you claimed NOT to have killed seems to defeat the perpose and, if it weren't for the fact that he can't be tried again for the crime, it's a little like suicide. Too bad he didn't think of that alternative in the beginning.

Posted by: wordgirl at November 17, 2006 08:29 AM

I've given myself a headache with all the eyerolling I've done over this one. It's all just too stupid for words.

Posted by: Jessie at November 17, 2006 08:34 AM

I feel so sorry for his daughter and their famly.

Posted by: jenn at November 17, 2006 08:38 AM

i know! i couldn't believe this when i heard it yesterday. well, actually, i COULD believe it because it IS OJ simpson we're talking about. i mean, why would you even ENTERTAIN a book idea like that? the guy's a moron. (and i've always felt he was guilty. i was in High School when the trial was going on and even THEN i was smart enough to realize that his entire story was fishy)

Posted by: Judy at November 17, 2006 08:45 AM

I saw this yeserday and just thought good grief. What an a**hat to borrow your term.

Posted by: Heather at November 17, 2006 08:48 AM

"If I did kids"?!! *giggle*

Let's say, "If I bought this book...", you most certainly would have lock me away for making one of the most ridiculous purchases that implies that I even care to hear what that jackass has to say, as well as for transacting a complete waste of good linen the money is printed on.

My way of protesting him and everything he IS, is to not buy or participate in or surround myself with anything that has his name on it.

Posted by: kristen at November 17, 2006 08:52 AM

William made me laugh. OJ is an asshat. Maybe I'll write a book about that.

Posted by: Michelle at November 17, 2006 08:52 AM

William - I just died laughing. And yet - and YET. I could totally see that happening.

Yeah, can I honestly say I hadn't heard of O.J. Simpson until the whole trial started? And long before the media circus was over, I was SICK of hearing about him.

And now he's back for a second round. God, he's like a roach you think you've killed, but then that motherfucker crawls out from under your houseshoe and you're all, "Seriously?" That is how I feel about O.J.

All I can keep thinking about are his kids by Nicole. I can't even imagine what this must be like for them. I know it's too much to hope for that people will IGNORE this insanity.

Posted by: Fraulein N at November 17, 2006 08:53 AM

Those poor kids!! How must they feel to know he wrote a book saying "I didn't kill your mother, but if I did, this is how I would've done it." And the poor Brown and Goldman families! It would be nice if they got any proceeds from this instead of OJ-asswipe.

Posted by: Traci at November 17, 2006 09:00 AM

While we're collecting hypothetical accounts, may I add the one about how I will cause my (I swear this is not the normal treatment I want to give any of my ex's) ex of long ago and far away great pain, suffering, and discomfort for the rest of his life?

He's got to be an idiot. Why not just turn in a signed confession? And as for bringing up the past, well, I guess he decided he needed to feel the limelight again. Idiot.

Posted by: Debra at November 17, 2006 09:13 AM

Mmm.

Donuts.

Posted by: kara marie at November 17, 2006 09:14 AM

I for one, applaud him. He can't be re-tried, and he knows it. He could go on Oprah and say "I did it. I killed the bitch and I bathed in her blood." and nobody could do a thing about it.

But he found a way to make money off of the whole situation. Not only that, but he's doing it in a way that's going to stir up the most controversy possible - probably selling a hell of a lot more books. He knows this is his last chance to make some money before fading into obscurity.

He may be a murdering assfuck, but he's a smart murdering assfuck.

Posted by: Adam at November 17, 2006 09:17 AM

I heard it yesterday.

Does speechless cover it?

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at November 17, 2006 09:20 AM

If you aren't thinking, 'what a stupid, farking moron-asshat who OBVIOUSLY killed her and SOMEHOW got away with it and is now going to prove BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he did it' then you're no friend of mine.
(for the next 20 minutes at least)

Posted by: s@bd at November 17, 2006 09:24 AM

If no one buys this book, he won't profit. If you have to know how this asshole's mind works read it in the bookstore people, but don't give that man or his publisher one cent. I just can't believe ths.

Posted by: Lisa V at November 17, 2006 09:28 AM

You have pretty much covered it. I hope that they make all the proceeds from the idiots that buy this book, and any appearances he makes to promote his retarded "Hypothetical" book go straight to Nicole and Ron's families.

I gotta tell ya, I too thought "Asshat". WHat a great word. Thanks... well I thought that and "fucktard" but I don't say that one too much, my kids like to learn new cuss words.

Posted by: Karen at November 17, 2006 09:38 AM

You know there's never a lightning bolt when you need one, and that asshat seriously needs one.

Posted by: Techdad at November 17, 2006 09:42 AM

Karma really can't kick in soon enough on this guy. I've been waiting all week to hear that he was suffering from flesh-eating bacteria. With a healthy dose of ebola on the side.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at November 17, 2006 09:55 AM

This better not be a plug for a Hertz commercial...oh wait, that's right: they don't want anything to do with his sorry ass either. What a freak. Imagine how his kids feel about him writing a book like that. Moron.

Posted by: Michelle at November 17, 2006 10:03 AM

It's the most tasteless and offensive thing I've ever heard. I hope no one buys the stupid book or watches the TV show. Generally I'm a big fan of the "If you don't like it, don't watch it" and then let it go philosphy when it comes to TV, but this time, I actually think Fox should be ashamed of itself.

Posted by: bad penguin at November 17, 2006 10:07 AM

I heard about this the other day. My jaw hit the floor so fast it hurt. It's just all kinds of wrong. And sick, too.

Posted by: Alison at November 17, 2006 10:25 AM

He's only doing this to taunt the victims, because he know he can't be tried again.

Asshole.

Posted by: statia at November 17, 2006 10:27 AM

I love how the publisher is all "I'm doing it for the Simpson children." In what way is this going to help those poor children? It doesn't bring back their mother and it certainly doesn't give them any closure. Jesus effing Christ already.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at November 17, 2006 10:34 AM

omg. how sick is he.

Posted by: raine at November 17, 2006 10:34 AM

This should remove any doubt that he killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman - you know, for all three people who actually believed he was innocent. He is a sick, sick individual.

Didn't he lose the civil trial? And didn't the Brown/Goldman families win a major settlement that Simpson never paid out on? In fact, didn't the Goldman's try to get the rights to his name not too long ago since it's trademarked or something? What I don't get is how he stands to profit from this, shouldn't any of his earnings go towards that settlement?

Posted by: erin at November 17, 2006 10:51 AM

WTF? I mean if this just doesn't go to show that a jury can be truly f-ed up then I don't know what will.
I feel bad for the two kids, Sydney & Justin. Lets talk about what's happened to them now and then in 20 years. Chances are they'll be totally screwed up. Especially since the courts gave OJ custody!

Posted by: Maribeth at November 17, 2006 11:02 AM

one would think that, hypothetically, if one had in fact killed one's ex and the ex's friend, and then had gotten away with it, all the while protesting one's innocence, one would not then turn around and say, "but hey, hypothetically, if i did do it, which of course, i didn't, but if i did, this is what i did..."

of course, that would mean that one, hypothetically, possesses a brain. which clearly, he does not.

Posted by: suze at November 17, 2006 11:03 AM

The only Trojan in the world that would make me ashame is this one here. *sigh*

But I already ranted about this one. So, how about that classy K-Fed and the "Give me my children, bitch" writing on the wall, eh? :)

Posted by: Oakley at November 17, 2006 11:27 AM

OJ is such an ass!! Why in God's name would you write a book about something like this?? Again he's an ASS. I firmly believe HE did it and the jury F**KED up.

Posted by: DMM at November 17, 2006 11:42 AM

I've been waiting for your Friday post because I was certain of your topic.

I find this book in the unbelievable category. And I hope no one buys it.

Posted by: cassie-b at November 17, 2006 11:50 AM

I'm sorry...did you say something after the word "donuts"?

I got a little distracted.

Posted by: Pammer at November 17, 2006 11:54 AM

I'm still trying to figure out why his parents called him Orange Juice???

Posted by: Amber at November 17, 2006 12:28 PM

Is the man an idiot? I mean, he has gotten away with murder. Can't he just leave well enough alone?

If I had gotten away with murder, you would never hear from me again. I would be in hiding in Mexico just hoping that people would forget about me.

Seriously...he's not well.

Posted by: Isabel at November 17, 2006 12:41 PM

To me, the schadenfreudiest part is that Geraldo Rivera, of all people, is denouncing his own network for airing the interview. That's rich, is what it is.

Posted by: shelley at November 17, 2006 12:55 PM

Sounds like a confession to me... asshat indeed.

Posted by: Sue at November 17, 2006 12:59 PM

I dunno if this really qualifies for your usual Friday post. Mostly because I don't see much to laugh at. As even the title suggests, WTF?? is a more typical response.

However, as I look to find the humor in the pain of others, and maintain the OJ theme, I will point over towards Fox News Channel that is trying so desperately to justify Why the hell they are promoting this (Harper Collins is a division of News Corp. for those that wasn't aware). First they claim they only are showing it because the viewers demand it then, Bill O'Reilly even went so far as to try and claim, "For the record, Fox Broadcasting has nothing to do with the Fox News Channel."

Maybe it is just me, but I like seeing Mr. Culture Warrior twisting in the wind over this.

Posted by: Latte Man at November 17, 2006 01:15 PM

Oh, I guess I should have given you a link to the whole thing:
http://www.newshounds.us/2006/11/16/why_fox_is_spotlighting_oj_you_want_us_to.php#more

Posted by: Latte Man at November 17, 2006 01:16 PM

It's so beyond my comprehension that I can't even wrap my head around it. WTFOJ is RIGHT!

How were the donuts, btw?

Posted by: carrster at November 17, 2006 01:21 PM

wow. what a great dad!

Posted by: jodi at November 17, 2006 01:39 PM

seriously, he's a fucking idiot.
seriously.

Posted by: ali at November 17, 2006 02:25 PM

IF HE DID IT???? Like there is a question there. Man that is insane. And they're playing it on TV? This world is nuts. COmpletly nuts.

Posted by: Melissa at November 17, 2006 03:37 PM

This new OJ publicity is positively INSANE! Leads me to say "what is our world coming to?" "why are they commercializing people's murders." I mean, it's nothing new. But, it's sick. Sick. Sick. And, what about his kids -- how horrible of OJ to do this to them.

Posted by: Haley-O at November 17, 2006 03:52 PM

And, oh yeah.... Sugary goodness.... Yummmmmm.....

Posted by: Haley-O at November 17, 2006 03:53 PM

I believe the publisher of this little gem said in an interview that she herself believes that this book is his 'confession'.

What his kids must think, though. Wow.

What an ass.

Posted by: ewe_are_here at November 17, 2006 03:53 PM

Yeah, when I heard about this, my first thought was WTF? I mean really, how much of an idiot can one person be? By the way, your intro paragraph with the donuts and coffee had me laughing SO hard because I knew where you were going with it. I'm teaching in a class right now and I was laughing out loud. Oh well! :) Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Kate at November 17, 2006 04:53 PM

"What is are world coming to?" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Why ask why, its always about the $$$$$$$$. The only thing that strikes me as funny is how people can be shocked. Look at us as a society, its funny that all of a sudden people scratch their heads and think, "Huh, I think they may have pushed the limits of good taste here."

Posted by: Shannon at November 17, 2006 05:40 PM

This is when double jeopardy frustrates the heck out of me.

Posted by: Heather at November 17, 2006 06:01 PM

William's comment was really funny.

And the fact that Fox paid this jackass to talk about this speaks volumes. I'm not watching...

Posted by: Lisa B at November 17, 2006 07:13 PM

What a Deehead(Remember what the Dee stood for:P)!

Posted by: Dee at November 18, 2006 12:02 AM

Hmm...while I appreciate the WTF to O.J., I kinda feel like the WTF needs to be also directed at FOX news for airing the damn interview...and then the publishing house for actually endorsing him to write a book about how he would've done it, if he did it.

What an idiot.

Posted by: Brianne at November 18, 2006 06:36 PM

Yes, you stopped for donuts and coffee, and yes, OJ did it.

There. Mystery solved. :-)

Posted by: Evil Genius at November 18, 2006 09:29 PM

I am refusing to give this man or his cohorts any atttention at all. Seattle did the splits and said they were going to show the interview but without commercials, only public service announcements. That make about as much sense as saying you potty trained your kid by having them romove their diaper and sit over it to pee and poop. We are still giving this being the attention he craves when he needs to encounter only silence and empty chairs.

Posted by: Gillian at November 19, 2006 01:16 AM

I generally try to be more eloquent than this, but: wtf? (To all parties. Fox, the publishers, OJ, everyone who watches/buys/still cares/ever cared...)

Posted by: Kelly at November 19, 2006 10:42 PM