December 15, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: The Painfully Obvious Edition

SchadenOne: Shocker!

Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday for investigation of driving under the influence after her car was reported headed the wrong way on a freeway.

Richie, 25, star of "The Simple Life" reality series and daughter of pop singer
Lionel Richie, was arrested without incident at 1:45 a.m. (PST) after she failed a field sobriety test given by California Highway Patrol officers, CHP Officer Todd Workman said.

"She volunteered the information that she had smoked marijuana and taken Vicodin," the prescription painkiller, Workman said. No drugs were found on her or in the car.

Another reputable news source later wrote, "When asked why Richie was handcuffed to her cell's metal cot, sheriff's deputy Ed Edderson stated, 'No jail can hold that woman! Have you seen how skinny she is? She just kept slipping through the bars!' Richie's weight at booking was reported to be 85 pounds, the average weight for a three-foot tall adult."

SchadenTwo: Denial!

Iran has pressed on with a controversial Holocaust conference as international outrage mounted over its hosting of "revisionist" historians who cast doubt on the mass slaughter of Jews in World War II.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair on Tuesday slammed the conference as "shocking beyond belief", while the United States described the meeting as "an affront to the entire civilized world."

A host of Western "revisionists" who doubt the slaughter of six million Jews in World War II took place, including a former Ku Klux Klan leader and a Frenchman given a suspended jail term in October, took part.

Iran said that the aim of the conference was to find answers to questions about the Holocaust from President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has described it as a "myth" and cast doubt on the scale of the slaughter.

It's my understanding that this conference marks the first of a series which will feature week-long conferences on the following topics:
- Cratered: The Myth of the Moon Landing
- JFK: There Were Three Gunmen
- Viva Tehran: Elvis Presley, Alive and Entertaining Nightly

SchadenThree: Tall Story

The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.

The dolphins got sick after nibbling on plastic from the edge of their pool at an aquarium in Liaoning province. Attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because the dolphins' stomachs contracted in response to the instruments, the China Daily newspaper reported.

Veterinarians then decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7-feet-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia with 41.7-inch arms, state media said.

Bao, 54, was confirmed last year by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's tallest living man.

Chen Lujun, the manager of the Royal Jidi Ocean World aquarium, told The Associated Press that the shape of the dolphins' stomachs made it difficult to push an instrument very far in without hurting the animals. People with shorter arms could not reach the plastic, he said.

"When we failed to get the objects out we sought the help of Bao Xishun from Inner Mongolia and he did it successfully yesterday," Chen said. "The two dolphins are in very good condition now."

No, it's not schadenfreude. We could all use a nice story now and again, couldn't we?

Posted by Chris at December 15, 2006 07:30 AM | TrackBack

That certainly does make a good resume bullet for Bao Xishun, now doesn't it? One thing about being the world's tallest man - you're awfully good at reaching, which, though not exactly a superpower, is extremely helpful in many predicaments.

Posted by: Nicole at December 15, 2006 07:46 AM

That certainly does make a good resume bullet for Bao Xishun, now doesn't it? One thing about being the world's tallest man - you're awfully good at reaching, which, though not exactly a superpower, is extremely helpful in many predicaments.

Posted by: Nicole at December 15, 2006 07:46 AM

I'm just gonna say wow.

Posted by: Alissa at December 15, 2006 07:53 AM

Aw, I love a happy ending,especially if it involves dolphins, even if it is a bit creepy.

Posted by: Lisa at December 15, 2006 08:00 AM

At least Nicole combed her hair before her mug shot, unlike Nick Nolte. However, it would have been at least fun to see the real Nicole sans makeup and hair! Oh I am bad!

Posted by: Maribeth at December 15, 2006 08:14 AM

Maybe now they could employ the long armed gentleman to push food into Ms. Richie and keep it there for awhile.

Posted by: Contrary at December 15, 2006 08:20 AM

Well, "Myth of the Moon Landing" kills me! *sip my coffee* But the thought of a 7 foot tall man shoving his entire arm into a creature is creepy. *vurp* And pushing food into Ms. Richie...well...*gag*...I'm sure there's genre somewhere out there whose viewers would be incredibly turned on by that.

Posted by: kristen at December 15, 2006 08:27 AM

I like the dolphin story. Maybe Bao Xishun get his name in the Guinness Book of World Records as the only man who saved a dolphin by putting his arms into his stomach.

Posted by: cassie-b at December 15, 2006 08:30 AM

That is a very nice story, thanks for sharing! As for the other two, they both kind of disgust me.

Posted by: Jessie at December 15, 2006 09:00 AM

Dolphin story?? soooo cool!
Nicole? My 10-year-old son weighs more than she does. Also? He's smarter than her.

Posted by: Traci at December 15, 2006 09:07 AM

The dolphin story? I just keep thinking "squishy."

Posted by: kara marie at December 15, 2006 09:19 AM

I can't get over the 85 pounds!

I love the dolphin story. Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: Nadine at December 15, 2006 09:43 AM

The Klan, and a Frenchman! That cracked me up. *lol*

I went to a Dunkin' Donuts for the first time in my life this morning at 4am, and I thought of you. Just wanted to let you know that. ;)

Posted by: Iki at December 15, 2006 09:52 AM

I'm just trying to imagine what it must be like to get that phone call:

"Hello, are you the World's Tallest Man?"
"Yes I am."
"Can you come down and help us with something?"
"What, like getting the last can of corn down from a really high shelf?"
"Sort of...."

Then he gets there and is all, "Dude, this is SO NOT a can of corn on a really high shelf."

Posted by: Dawn at December 15, 2006 10:08 AM

I hope you know who Brian Fellows is, because that's all that last thing made me think about. That's crazy!

I'm guessing that dude's skinny-ass-long-arm is about the size of Nicole Ritchie, so it all comes full circle.

Posted by: andy at December 15, 2006 10:10 AM

Dawn, you made me snort. And then my husband had to read it, and now we're laughing. I'm thinking that "can of corn" is going to have us in stitches all day.

Posted by: candace at December 15, 2006 10:11 AM

I bet Bao's one arm that saved two dolphins weighs more than Nicole Richie's entire body. And he's doing a heck of a lot more good with it.

Posted by: kim at December 15, 2006 10:20 AM

85 lbs? She needs help and soon.

Nice dolphin story. Too early in a.m. on this coast to try to be clever.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at December 15, 2006 10:27 AM

OK, that dolphin thing is just weird.

Posted by: Heather at December 15, 2006 11:11 AM

It really pisses me off when people say the Holocaust didn't happen. It's just...grrrr. It's horrible, really.
But the dolphin story...that just made me smile. So thanks :-) (I wonder who the creative thinker was who suggested calling the tall guy. And if they get a nice Christmas bonus.)

Posted by: Heather at December 15, 2006 11:26 AM

that dolphin story sounds like a tim burton something out of big fish.

Posted by: you da mom! at December 15, 2006 01:03 PM pun intended ;-)

Posted by: you da mom! at December 15, 2006 01:04 PM

hmmm.wonder if mel gibson was there...

Posted by: ali at December 15, 2006 01:32 PM

okay, yeah, but... ew.

Posted by: Pammer at December 15, 2006 01:42 PM

About Nichole, I'm sad. Really she is one of the many reason I won't allow my son to do TV or print ads. He's been asked on several occasions, but I think being young, rich and famous screws you up. She is a prime example. I also lost my boyfriend in high school to a drunk driver, so while I'm sad for her, I'm mad as hell that she took other's lives in her hands.

The conference, I read about that a couple of days ago..I don't know what to say beyond. EVIL.

Loved the story about the tall guy. I mean seriously he's probably been a bit freakish and felt out of place with his peers his whole life. He got to use those extra long arms to save the lives of living creature and that IS awesome.

Posted by: Michele at December 15, 2006 01:47 PM

That second one just kills me...I can't even discuss it because it makes me want to hit something.

Thanks for ending with the dolphin story...I needed to hear something good today. Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Melissa at December 15, 2006 01:59 PM

I think Dawn wins for best comment today. teehee.
Now everybody's going to be calling this guy for tricky jobs.

Nicole Ritchie makes me sad just because it would seem like someone would have gotten her the help she needs by now. The conference boggles my mind. I can't even form a scathing enough assessment. Can we get them a field trip to the Holocaust Museum?

Posted by: Annie at December 15, 2006 02:30 PM

A friend (who is a complete gossip whore) sent me photos of Nicole taken a few months ago and then some that are current. My personal opinion is if we can see your ribs and you're not stretching, you need to gain a little weight. Being able to count someone's ribs is not sexy. Being about to count the point of virtually every bone in someone's body is disgusting.

The Holocaust denial... what the hell are these people thinking? If you could just undo things by pretending they didn't happen, we'd be living in a much different world today.

haha Lucky dolphins? I have to wonder though- don't most stomachs have a sort of sphincter valve in them? Is that at the top of the stomach or the bottom? Thinking bottom now, but if it's at the top, wouldn't that make reaching in to yank some plastic more then a bit difficult?

Posted by: Debra at December 15, 2006 03:08 PM

*Beyond sad when a girl's accessories weigh more than she does. *This conference has got to be more to rile people than any form of a serious discussion, right?
*Why did they call the world's tallest guy? Did the guy with the longest arms just not answer the phone? Or are they one and the same?

Posted by: Nic at December 15, 2006 03:30 PM

I'm almost 6'2" and strangers ask me to help them all the time, like getting things off the top shelf at the grocery store, and replacing light bulbs. I guess it's one of the duties of being abnormally tall. Way to go, Bao Xishun!

Posted by: Sijbrich at December 15, 2006 07:41 PM

1. How much more of the "any publicity is good publicity" attitude can we take of the young women in Hollywood? They're such fine role models, aren't they?
2. Don't you think it's weird that they have to have a conference to dispel something that they think never happened?
3. I loved this story - thanks for the good news!

Posted by: Beth in StL at December 15, 2006 08:47 PM

Is it wrong that I am wishing that an incident would have taken place with Nicole Richie, but not involving another person, rather something like her hitting a wall or something like that. People like her drive me crazy! She has NO right to put others' lives in danger for her stupidity.

Posted by: Dee at December 15, 2006 09:12 PM

3. is one of the weirdest things i've ever heard.

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