http://www.rudecactus.com/ en Copyright 2013 Fri, 24 May 2013 07:14:00 -0500 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss The Weekly Milestone. My son is officially done with preschool as of today. Next stop kindergarten. The Weekly Half Good News. The Boy Scouts of America decided to allow gay kids into their ranks. Unfortunately the same standard doesn't apply to gay adults. Two steps forward... The Weekly Entirely Good News. No surgery for Beth. Just another month in the boot. The Weekly App for Kids. BrainPop The Weekly App for Adults. Dots The Weekly Read. This week I tackled Tall Weeds after hearing an ad for it on my favorite podcast (The Mike O'Meara Show). It was $2 on Amazon so why not. It's the somewhat twisted tale of Yugoslavia in the 90s and a treasure hunt left over from the earlier Nazi invasion. It sounds outlandish and it kind of is but it's great escapist fiction and worth a couple of bucks. The Weekly Question. What are your plans for the long Memorial Day weekend?]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_255.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_255.html The Weeklies Fri, 24 May 2013 07:14:00 -0500 list of "Yearbook Photos So Wrong They're Almost Right. I'm so proud. Bet my mom is too. There are others, though, who've made similarly bad choices and many of them have committed their terrible judgement not to yearbook photos but to album covers. Exhibit A: We can all agree that mullets don't belong on album covers any more than they belong in yearbook photos, right? And surely I'm not the only one who finds it odd that a creepy old lady wearing a white dress has her hand up a dummy's ass. I can't imagine what that album sounds like. A tragic accident was captured in this collection as well. That poor midget getting crushed to death by a harp after getting all dressed up. My favorite? Clown boobs. Exhibit B: Here we see Borat before there was a Borat and have real, tangible evidence of the fact that sci-fi themed album covers are generally a terrible idea. We also have what I assume to be a masked swinger, a dork who's clearly never seen a phone before, well-dressed guys on acid who think an animated satan is real and a guy who seems a little too fond of a dove. Fly away, dove! Fly away now! ]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/for_those_about_to_rocklook_so.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/for_those_about_to_rocklook_so.html Random Randomness Thu, 23 May 2013 07:13:58 -0500 It's hard being five and every bit of that toughness is showing in Owen these days. He's a wonderful, lovable and kind child but he's also a veteran button pusher. And he's taken great delight in pushing every button we have over the last few weeks. We push back. Yesterday, after taking my wife to have an x-ray (no surgery, yay!) and picking Owen up from school, the three of us went to lunch. We just happened to be next to his barber so we encouraged him to get a much needed trim. He yelled at us and told us that haircuts are stupid. Since we'd only just had the idea and he doesn't have Don King hair yet, we didn't put up a fight. But we did give him several alternatives. 1. Dad can cut his hair. I did it about a year ago. His hair looked awful and though we didn't think that part of his ear would grow back, it did. 2. Mia can cut his hair. Since Owen's pulled hers numerous times, I'm pretty sure she'd love a shot at it. Though I'm confident someone would end up in the hospital. 3. Waxing. No explanation needed. Not a pretty picture. 4. Monkeys with lasers. We'll arm a cadre of monkeys with lasers and they can go to town. I mean, monkeys with lasers? How cool is that? While he seemed pretty intrigued with the whole monkey-laser thing, I'm pretty sure he's going to decide that a barber is his best bet. http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/barbershop_alternatives.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/barbershop_alternatives.html Dadhood Wed, 22 May 2013 08:21:34 -0500 www.rudecactus.com/index.rdf and I'm sure the rest will be taken care of by the magic that is modern technology. Thanks bunches.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/got_news_feed.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/got_news_feed.html Random Randomness Tue, 21 May 2013 08:14:06 -0500 It was a big baseball weekend here at Cactus-Fish headquarters. Both kids are in the middle of their respective seasons, both of which have games scheduled for Saturdays. Mia plays machie-pitch, the machine closely resembling some medieval torture device designed to hurl rocks at witches. Luckily, Mia's got a wicked strong swing and an insane arm so she can look after herself. Owen plays t-ball which would be fine if a) Beth wasn't the coach and b) Beth had two fully functional feet. If you're on the East Coast, you're probably thinking "hey, it rained all day Saturday so they couldn't have played." But we did. Mia's game actually took place during the two hours of heaviest rain that day. Thirty kids played like pros in pouring rain and though Mia's team didn't win (honestly, one of the rare times they didn't), they were awesome. No one complained. Owen's game was a little weird too in that the other team didn't show up. We're guessing that some wimpy coach told their team the game was cancelled and didn't bother to inform anyone else. So Owen's team played against all the parents who brought them. It was pretty awesome considering that every single parent played and, seemingly, had fun. I know there are horror stories about team sports and the participants' parents and domineering coaches. I'm lucky that I have yet to see any evidence. In fact, I've seen the exact opposite - parents who are interested in their kid's activities and coaches who do their best to teach and have fun. Still, wet balls are no fun. http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/wet_balls.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/wet_balls.html Random Randomness Mon, 20 May 2013 08:20:40 -0500 Getting the kids out is often much harder than it really should be. http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/haiku_for_monday_452.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/haiku_for_monday_452.html Haiku For Monday Mon, 20 May 2013 08:17:48 -0500 The Weekly Affliction. Broken foot. The Weekly Food Nationality. Chinese. The Weekly Read. I love Chris Grabenstein. His novels might not be the most wonderful ever written but his John Ceepak series is much fun. Hell Hole was no different. Summer in a seaside resort town on the Jersey Shore, a military conspiracy, and a bunch of Springsteen tunes. It doesn't get much better than that. When I truly love a series of novels I find myself doing my absolute best to take them slowly so I don't run out before the next installment hits the shelves. And though Grabenstein just released a new one, that's exactly how I feel about these. The Weekly TV. I honestly can't decide if I like Game Of Thrones or not. Six episodes in and the jury's still out. The Weekly Music. If you took the polish of Coldplay, the emotional bite of Snow Patrol and the swagger of The Killers and put them all together, you'd probably end up with something that sounded a whole lot like Imagine Dragons as evidenced by Night Visions. I realize I'm late to the party on these guys but I caught their single Radioactive on the radio the other day and was a little bit hooked. Imagine Dragons are big, and I'm not just talking about their success. They've got big anthems, big beats and big ideas. And I respect them for that. The problem? I wish that Imagine Dragons was a little bigger than the sum of their Coldplay, Snow Patrol and Killers parts. Though I like the album I occasionally found myself wishing it was just a little less derivative and a little more interesting. The Weekly Movie. Young Adult. What an awkward, uncomfortable film. I mean that in a good way. And, sure, Charlize Theron was great but Patton Oswalt stole the show. The Weekly Question. What are you most looking forward to this summer?]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_254.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_254.html The Weeklies Fri, 17 May 2013 07:23:36 -0500 knockingbirds, we have a pair who have just started their lives together. They're apparently quite wealthy since they're currently creating two nests, one in a short evergreen bush, the other in a rosebush. The mockingbirds take issue with the robins' territorial leanings. Frogs. After staring as eggs and turning into oddly alien-looking tadpoles, our frogs have returned to our pond. The nights are punctuated by sexy frog mating calls and when we approach the pond we are immediately warned by the biggest and loudest frog that it is his pond we're approaching. Fish. Our fish weathered the winter and bred in abundance. They're gigantic and their numbers are kept in check only by the blue heron that occasionally visits our pond then looks slightly guilty (yet well-fed) when we catch him in our yard. Rabbits. We've only spied one rabbit but it is gigantic and where there is one gigantic rabbit there are surely more. This is a nice surprise since the last time we saw rabbits in the yard was the day we put an offer in on the house. As we pulled out of the driveway that day, five little bunnies scurried away. We thought they were strategically placed by the owners. Deer. Every couple of nights a mom deer and three fawns stroll through our lawn looking for something good to eat. If they make it past the militant frogs and the protective birds, they might make it to our hostas which have deer size bites taken out of them. I swear, one day Mia's going to go into the backyard and sing and all the animals will crowd around her like our own personal Disney movie.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/cactosystem.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/cactosystem.html Random Randomness Thu, 16 May 2013 08:49:03 -0500 Also, Owen recently fell in love with a fedora. Like chores, wearing the fedora is something we're encouraging.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/photo_for_wednesday_1.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/photo_for_wednesday_1.html Click Click Wed, 15 May 2013 07:40:09 -0500 Owen: Play some rock and roll. Mia: No! Well, only if there's a girl singer. Me: Okay, you guys will like this. Owen: Is it a girl rock and roller? Me: Yes, it's Sheryl Crow singing about Steve McQueen. Sheryl: Like Steve McQueen/All I need's a fast machine/I'm gonna make it all right Mia: Who's Steve McQueen? Me: Famous actor from a long time ago. Owen: Was he related to Lightening McQueen? Me: Kinda. After a fashion. Sheryl: I ain't takin' shit off no one/Baby that was yesterday Mia: Daddy, what did she just say? Owen: Yeah, what'd she mean? Me: I, uh, didn't hear anything. Mia: She said spit. Owen: Yeah, spit. Me: Oh, um, yeah. Must have been. That's not very ladylike. Sheryl: We got rockstars in the White House/All our popstars look like porn Me: Hey, let's listen to the next song! ...time passes Mia: Daddy, who's Mister Brownstone? Owen: And why won't he leave the singing guy alone? Me: Let's listen to something else? How 'bout smooth jazz. Kenny G is like the Jimi Hendrix of smooth jazz.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/damn_you_sheryl_crow.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/damn_you_sheryl_crow.html Dadhood Tue, 14 May 2013 07:19:47 -0500 Boston. Fucking horrible. I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity." But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths. But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness. But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will." It's true, you know. The good outnumber the bad. They always will. And knowing that helps. * Also, I watched Young Adult this weekend. Patton goes toe to toe with Charlize Theron and single-handedly made the movie.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/shit.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/shit.html Random Randomness Mon, 13 May 2013 07:30:44 -0500 Seriously, how do you solve a problem like Maria? Thoughts please? http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/haiku_for_monday_451.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/haiku_for_monday_451.html Haiku For Monday Mon, 13 May 2013 07:06:38 -0500 Pissed would more aptly describe her state of mind. That and bored. See, she doesn't do sitting around all that well but in an effort to avoid surgery, she's willing to give it a shot. The last two days have been all about juggling. Juggling school drop off and pick up, juggling baseball practice, juggling chores. Lots of juggling. I guess what I want to know is how any of you single parents manage to pull this off. Sure, my wife is immobile but I'm not single and it's still hard. Hats off to you. I can't believe I did this to myself and have to just sit around. Speaking of which, sit back down and let me fold the napkins. I'm an invalid not an idiot. I think you got that the wrong way around. Oh. Yeah. Meanwhile, any of you know a good maid service? I'd try to clean but I'd do it wrong.]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/how_do_you_single_parents.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/how_do_you_single_parents.html Random Randomness Thu, 09 May 2013 07:27:01 -0500 there. I made myself a deal. If it was still there Friday, I'd go to the dentist. It was, and I did. I got a referral to an endodontist for what looked like a failing 10 year old root canal and some meds for the pain and infection if I needed them. My body lulled me into a false sense of security. On Friday afternoon I felt fine. Friday evening, though, was a different story. I felt such a blinding pain that I almost fell down (and almost cried, but, shhh). And it never got better. Saturday morning was worse. I filled my prescriptions and hoped for the best. By mid-day, pacing around my kids' baseball games, I called the dentist again. Got new advice. Was miserable. Over the last 72 hours I've taken 6800 milligrams of Motrin and 5500 milligrams of Amoxycillin. Things are better. And what I've got isn't a problem with my teeth at all. It's a massive sinus infection combined with a ten year old root canal that's suddenly decide to let me down. Just as I was starting to emerge from my shroud of pain, Beth took a big trip down a small flight of steps and quickly rendered herself immobile. She limped around the bulk of the day, claiming it kinda hurt. First thing Monday, after we'd taken the kids to school, I took Beth to the doctor. Then another doctor. Then another doctor. The three came to a verdict. Beth broke her foot. She was fitted for a sexy boot and given some crutches and ordered not to move for, like, ever. Or at least two weeks. Say what you want - we're old, we're falling apart, we're a little bit clumsy - but at least we have good timing. It's kinda like that rule that not all members of the cabinet are present at the State Of The Union in case the Capital gets blown up. You should always have at least one fully functional parent at any given moment. ]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/blinky_and_the_gimp.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/blinky_and_the_gimp.html Random Randomness Tue, 07 May 2013 07:39:21 -0500 The Weekly International Food. Ceviche. Mall ceviche. The Weekly Cool Guy Awesomeness. I'm a big Warren Buffett fan (and by typing that I'm secretly hoping that he gives me a million dollars for being awesome). He joined Twitter this week. His first Tweet? Warren is in the house. The Weekly Band Name. Gary Busey Amber Alert. The Weekly Read. I read Bossypants by Tina Fey. I like Tina Fey, really I do. But I didn't think Bossypants was anything to write home about (as if anyone actually writes home anymore. I think it's because I don't have a vagina. I don't mean that as a sexist statement. I just think it's a book that's easier to relate to if you are a woman. Or like 30 Rock which I never found funny. The Weekly Amazon Review Awesomeness. Amazon reviews are often awesome. This week, an awesome slew of reviews targets How To Avoid Huge Ships. As one reviewer put it: As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I'm sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing influence and presence of huge ships in the lives my children. I certainly remember the strain I caused so long ago for my own parents when I began experimenting with huge ships. Or Being a ship of small stature (a "boat" if truth be told), I am quite disappointed in the amount of attention being given to huge ships. Although huge ships are... well... huge, they represent only a small percent of watercraft (less than 1%, actually). We boats (a necessary, but decidedly derogatory, term) represent both the majority of watercraft, as well as the true diversity of watercraft. The Weekly State. Rhode Island, for that awesome gay marriage move. The Weekly Music. Did you know that Fleetwood Mac just put out its first new material in 10 years? I know, I didn't care either. Then I listened to it and I didn't care even more. I've never been a huge fan but I do think that when a time-honored band like Fleetwood Mac releases something new, it deserves some attention. Their latest - a four song EP called Extended Play (get it?) - didn't. I don't really know how to describe it. It sounded like unfinished demos by some hipster alternative band complete with off-key vocals and jangly guitars. If that sounds good to you, have at it. The Weekly Spam. I received an email yesterday encouraging me to grow my presence on Twitter. I usually receive email offers about growing other things. It was refreshing. ]]> http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_253.html http://www.rudecactus.com/2013/05/the_weeklies_253.html The Weeklies Fri, 03 May 2013 07:57:06 -0500